…
Ponies’ bathroom equipment is rather tricky, with massive gripes for teeth or hooves standing out especially — they planned it for every race of ponykind. I tried to move them without telekineses just out of curiosity. After the day before yesterday’s lesson and yesterday’s intense practice, which I organized for myself, telekineses goes almost without any stress. What to say? Fairly ergonomic, but it’s still a pair of crutches. Who does not have the ability of telekineses — they’re fine, I think, but it’s still a lot easier and more comfortable with the magic. Pile of flasks, which stood here, impresses with its variety. Shampoo for mane and tail, gel for fur, liquid for hooves, essence for feathers, toothpaste, some foams, creams, masks and who the hell knows what else and for what purpose. I silently thanked Princess for her explanation that was put briefly and was about the things I’ll need. She put aside needed flasks, and there are four of them. Shower puff is also not in use amongst ponies; instead, I discovered some brushes and scrapers with cleverly hooped grips. Well, this thing is for this, but what about this thing? Ah, to hell with it, why do I have to look at them? I’ll understand in the process — what and where to. I grabbed liked exemplar, almost turned to the shower, but spotted a big standing mirror on a wall out of the corner of my eye, laid aside the brush and moved to it. I remembered that I didn’t bother to examine my appearance yesterday, so I want to fix it. It’s interesting for Christ’s sake! “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the scariest one of all? Who has the sharpest teeth and the blackest of all has been?” While chuckling, I summarized the minutes I have been gazing at my reflexion. No, I liked my new appearance in general: the body looked elegantly and menacingly, like a military aircraft. It’s beautiful in this way — the way of arms. But there are serious doubts about local pacifists and their opinions towards it. Anthracitic-black fur, deep purple, slightly crimp mane and tail, luminous turquoise eyes with vertical pupils like interstices. Honestly — this gaze makes even me feel uncomfortable. I can only wonder how Celestia keeps her friendly expression looking in my eyes… But the most interesting was below: chops — I can’t name it mouth even with force — that can impress you with eight incisors, a real saw made of — just imagine! — sixteen fangs, the longest of which will force any vampire to be jealous, and some amount of permanent teeth, but I couldn’t count how much. I, of course, pretty far away from the knowledge of biology and stomatology, but, if my memory doesn’t fail me, such a kit of teeth is unusual for herbivores: at least I didn’t see any fangs in Celestia’s mouth. This conclusions brings up two questions: would this body be happy about eating meat and how much nervous the ponies would be about this? I should check this out, heh… Ending with the survey, I finally went to the shower itself, foretasting pleasant pricking of its streams on my skin… Or, if to be precise, on my fell, maybe.…
I was thoughtful and dark when I went out from shower: during the washing I clearly understood: it’s not “he is an idiot”, now it’s “SHE is an idiot”. Put the problem in a dark corner and diligently ignore it would be effective until you bump into the udder. Your own udder, fucking hell! A pair of small soft and very sensitive hills under the belly between hind legs forces into stupor and prostration. No, I knew that Nightmare Moon, whose body I have occupied, is not a stallion, quite the contrary, but this encounter with reality head-on is still quite stunning. What to do with it, eh? There are no ideas of solving it, so the only thing I could make up and what was not so seriously protesting inside my soul is the continuation of keeping the problem in a dark corner, trying to not think about it and keeping celibacy, hoping that the physiology of local ponies differences from earth horses in this case. Change of species is more than enough for me even without change of sex, really… On the another hand, the body I’ve been given is a really good one. No danger of being old, no danger of being dead of sicknesses or a really low chance of it. Health — I chuckled — horsy, it’s time to till the ground. It’s just not what it used to be, when a walk to a cardiologist was more often than to a hairdresser… And I’m not even talking about horn and wings, whose abilities bemuse and make the heart soar. Is it worth to change sex for it? From a rational point of view, maybe, yes and more. But the only thought of it and it’s uncomfortable and… Scary, I don’t know. Fine, when in doubt leave it out. How much can I think about bad things? Let’s think about good ones! For example: a man walked out from the shower room and he’s so clean… “Or she’s so clean?” “Dammit.” I tiredly swore at this completely ill-timed short thought and shook my head, trying to force it out of my head. It’s enough of thoughts for me! It’s time to go back, Princess can miss me completely. With a definite step I went out in the hallway. Tia said to go?.. Fine, she reminded me of this more than once — I completely didn’t watch out for the way back while thinking about things. Left until the crossroad, the last door on the left of it before it is mine, I think so. OK, let’s go. I’ll think about my… “Hill under the belly” after some time. And it’s better for this time to come as late as possible.…
When I returned to the room, in which I have been for the last couple of days, I saw a luncheon made of some salad, a few fruits, cakes and tea, and also a note and… I couldn’t believe my eyes: near me, on the bed, a set of armor was put together. Four shoes, a breastplate with a crescent on it and a distinctive helmet with notches for ears and horn. I gravely rubbed my forehead under horn with a hoof, and with every second a feeling of being a victim of some prank or I’m just an idiot is growing. Now it was a habit to put a drip of energy into my horn to drag the note up to my eyes. “I hope you enjoyed your bath, Nightmare. As you could see, I returned your armor. If they were on you back in the old castle, I think that it’s rightly yours and I believe this is a need to give it back to you. Your breakfast on your table. Enjoy your meal. Celestia.” I eased my grip on the note, thoughtlessly looking as it’s sliding and spinning in the air, slowly dropping to carpet. This insane white horse will wrench my brain soon. For an interest: if I demand my glaive — she will bring it back as well? Why not? It’s allowable to give lessons of magic to yesterday’s public criminal, to pay money and to give back her battle gear — why shouldn’t we give a weapon to her? With all my force of will I suppressed the desire of going to a wall and crushing my head against it. Why is she doing this, why?! Or she’s so confident in her powers that she can afford such wide gestures to buy my loyalty? I lifted the note and read it again. Fine, it’s better to not think about it for now. Never slap a gift horse. I’ll think about this pile of iron later when Tia arrives. It’s better to look at what they have to feed me — my stomach gave a tip to me multiple times about the voidness there. It was so good without hunger… I thoughtfully looked at the bed and found a place near it, sat right on the carpet. I was laying for the last week as a bunch of lazy bureaucrats. And I never tried to sit like a pony, constantly rotating standing with laying, so it was just interesting about the feeling of it. It’s actually more comfortable than it might look from another side — I weighed the pose for a few minutes and finally turned my attention to the table. To begin with, the first one was the salad. It, for the first look, depresses with its shortage of everything: no meat, no fish, no even such basic things as mushrooms or eggs. I know these: for even a slight feeling of having a good meal you have to eat a whole basin, but you’ll be hungry after an hour… I winced. Will try it, of course — maybe it would be tasty in my mouth. What was more remarkable than this small hill of vegetation is a spoon, forced into it, and at the end of grip of this spoon was not a big round slab. Well… I touched the slab with my hoof and with a small force of mind I got a spoon that was glued to my limb like it was a powerful magnet. Hey, it worked! This hoofkenesis works! I was lucky to see and feel its usage in the Nightmare’s memory, but I had no time to test it — I got used to use my horn… I shook the leg toughly — it holds. Funny thing. But a hand is still more comfortable. Except for the salad with an interesting spoon there was a vase with fruits on the table — some big, beautiful apples and peaches — a small kettle with tea — or, more likely, a tea bowl — without any grip and a plate with a decent hill of various cakes. Well, let’s sample it! “Enjoy your meal!” I said to myself loudly and saluted with a spoon, glued to my hoof into space with a smile.…
Yeah, I didn’t except that… I didn’t think that it’s possible to get a sensory shock because of taste sensations. I swept an eye over the empty dishes at the table. Everything has been eaten, there’s no crumb left! It was the nicest meal of my life! And, maybe, there wouldn’t be like this again — I will get used to it. I made a fast statement that this storm of feelings in mouth is a result of a thousand-year starvation. The body missed tastes… I swept the table with my gaze once again and sighed hopelessly. No, there’s nothing left. Even peaches’ stones — even they… Well, they disappeared. Its bitterness was so piquant, they crunched so well, ah… I got on my feet, feeling a pleasant heaviness in stomach, and turned to the bed, where the elements of armor lay. Yeah, Tia loaded me… What is it? A friendly gesture of trust? Some test? If test — about what? Damn it! And as much as I know her, it would be fine for her to give for nothing to me because of the reason she wrote in the note. And then she perplexedly shrugs with her wings on all my questions: “I just gave back what’s yours and that’s all”… Mad horses, I have no other words… Degree of believe and carelessness is just uncountable! Or I just don’t understand something or can’t see something, it must be counted. Lastly, I imagine abilities of magic very vaguely. Maybe Tia, as a wizard of extra-class, can afford such behavior… But not with Nightmare Moon that almost killed her in the stand-out performance! I plunked onto the wide bed with a moan and gazed at the laying helmet just before my nose. There was a complete incomprehension in my head. During the waiting of Princess — she couldn’t let me be alone for that long — I lifted the helmet with telekinesis and started to look at it. Made of smooth and shining silvery metal with a blue reflux. It was a secret to me how it was made, as I’m not a specialist, but it’s not forging apparently. Weighed on a hoof — pretty much light for its proportions. At the top — notches for the horn and ears. At the back — elastic tabulate neck-flap covers neck, including sides. At the front — huge cut-outs for huge eyes. Nasal covers only face between eyes, prominent muzzle is staying without any protection. Inside — resilient paddy casing made of an unknown material for me. Measurement of the helmet cannot be regulated — it was made for only one specific head. I put the helmet aside. A strange product. On one hand, it looks practical, and by the scratches and small fractures — this helmet is battle-hardened. But from another side, for a battle helmet its protection — not to mention the rest of armor — straightly looks insufficient. Eyes are not covered, horn and ears are not covered, neck at the front as well… Or the warfare in this place is a different from ours and a light breastplate and a helmet, that doesn’t cover evident weak points is an adequate protection for the local conditions. Generally, for my taste — this whole pile of gear gives only symbolic protection and most likely needs to be put on only for creation of the canonical character of Nightmare Moon. In the end, if I’m going to fight — I have to find or even create a good set of armor. I think the fact that Tia gave me this armor may not look so strange now. Where to use it, really? For a parade this set is too simple, for a fight — too useless. So she gave me them with words: “Let Nightmare have a headache what to do with all of this.” I chuckled. Lifted the helmet with telekinesis again and tried to put it on my head, deciding to not bother about mane’s set: it will lay as it will. “Ouch, damn…” I hissed when I didn’t fit the working horn correctly and hit it against an edge of the helmet. The feeling was like I got hit in my horn, telekinesis faded instantly when I didn’t hold concentration and helmet fell at me from above, catching my bulged nose with its edge painfully. Strange feeling, really. It was not so painful when the helmet hit my horn: just something like a wave spread out from the hit place after the impact, knocking out my concentration. I think if I had been more experienced with it — I could have saved it. I carefully touched the faded horn with a hoof. A bone. A hard bone. No special sensations. I lighted a turquoise speck at the end of my horn and tried again. Boom! I feel a sensation of an impact wave in my head again, light mess in my head, I cannot hold my concentration once again and the speck vanished. An interesting effect… Will keep it in mind. I was going to examine the breastplate, but the door was opened and Celestia came in, behind her back some saddle bags soared in a golden cloud. “Chariot is here, Nightmare. Are you ready?” She went to business right of the reel. “Pretty much. Thanks for the food, it was tasty.” I thankfully nodded at her, standing up from the bed. “Listen…” I hesitated, thinking what’s a better way to start. “Yes?” She turned her focused gaze of her pink eyes at me. “Explain it to me, please… Why do you care so much about me? Treatment, lessons, money… Fine, I can understand that. But armor?! What does it all mean? Why?” I shook my head distrustfully. “I don’t understand you!” A confession broke out after a small pause even before I could think about it. “I already told you, that I do it from a pure heart.” Princess drooped. “Or you don’t trust in my ability to be sorry about my actions? To forgive you? I’m not the Queen you were fighting with, not the Queen that couldn’t sympathize and see her own mistakes!” She ended with a clinking voice. “Sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you!” I looked down contritely. Damn, idiot inside of me didn’t think she can react like that! It’s not pleasant for her to remember those days, yes, but in reality — it really hurts her. “Sorry! But… How to say? There was a lot of things between us in the past… Not good things.” I chose a streamlined explanation. “And I think that you met me not worse than your own sister.” Celestia was listening me with an unreadable expression. It was not pleasant even for me to bring up this topic: whatever goals and aims motivated her, she made a lot for me and didn’t ask anything in return. But I couldn’t take it anymore. Lack of understanding of her actions already caused something like despair. It’s unlikely that she would even answer, but I couldn’t hold it much longer in my own mind. The armor was the last straw. “You were speaking then: “A second chance.” I continued my thought. “It could have been understood by me if you had just healed me, gave a hundred bits for the first time and just let me out. But you take care of me — of a dangerous criminal and your recent enemy — like I’m your sibling! Why?! It just can’t be!” The last words sounded somehow pathetically. “Do you know how it can be, Nightmare?” Princess asks sadly. I set my view at the floor, diligently examining my own hooves that were sinking in the soft hair of the carpet. An interesting contrast: the carpet is bright, my legs — coal-black… Do I know? I guess I do: I heard of intelligence agency’s methods of doing things, albeit I will not take responsibility to judge what’s true and what’s not. And this is with an adjustment that the agencies are ours, human ones. What’s about here, in Equestria? “No, I don’t know.” I stop too prolonged pause. “But I’m sure that this is not possible.” “Was there anything good in your whole life?” Princess asked quietly, taking the breastplate from bed and now carefully examining it, looking away from me. I opened mouth to answer affirmatively… And shut it, not saying even a word. There were good things in my life, even though I remember them through serious noise. But in a sufficient degree to say that I was happy. But it was there. In the life where everything has stopped. And what was good in Nightmare’s life? The only thing she remembered as a “good thing” is the vision of the solar eclipse, made by her and Luna just before the battle with the Queen. That’s all. The only good memory. For some reason I remembered a vaguely known dialog: “What’s your best day of your life?” “The day of my death.” I bit a lip till pain. It’s so… “You’re silent. You’re silent, Nightmare.” Celestia’s sad voice was heard as a rolling thunder in the silence of the bedroom. I shivered from this surprise reflexively. “You said: “A criminal, your enemy…” No, Nightmare, you’re neither of this. You just a pony that never was happy and never trusted anyone… I just want to show you that there’s something better in the world than just endless fights. Show you what happiness is, what friendship is… And you deserve it too.” Princess laid the breastplate aside and turned to me. Her eyes shine strangely. “Thanks for the kind words, Princess.” I said after a pause. Except that these kind words are not for me, but for the person, from which this body is the only thing left of her… “But don’t feel sorry for me, really. About trust… I trusted. I trusted Luna. You know what had happened because of that.” A heavy silence falls between us for a few long seconds. And nevertheless I chose to say everything to Tia head-on. “So now it’s important for me to understand what you want to achieve by helping me. To understand what’s the finale may be for me and whether I would have to pay for your hospitality a hundredfold. For me… It’s too hard to accept your kindness as something right. Sorry.” I thoughtfully stared out a window with a view of cloudless sky, suppressing a desire within to look at Tia. I wanted to trust this odd, illogical, strange kindness! What if she really did everything from a pure heart, without any subtext? It’s nasty for me to offend her faith, but I just can’t trust her. I can’t. “I… I understand.” Celestia answered with a colorless voice. “I hope that time would heal your wounds and one day you will be able to put trust in others.” I finally turn my gaze at Princess. She dully looks at paintings on walls, keeping her neutral face, but somehow I understand that this pretend calmness is not an easy task for her. “Well, if it would be easy for you, you can think that since you’re an alicorn — you’re of a great value for Equestria by the mere fact of your existence and my profit is in that fact.” Celestia turned to me and represented a smile. Damn it. Didn’t want to offend her. But I couldn’t trust in this either! What did I have to do? I sighed and took a shoe from the bed. Wanted to say more, but didn’t have words for it. Celestia, while thoughtfully examining a pattern on the carpet, did not have either. I set the shoe on the floor and carefully put my hind left leg in it. A silent click of the holding mechanism sounded like a shot in the dangling quiet, which forced musing Princess to get back into reality and shudder as she was looking at me again. “Can I help you?” “If you want to.” I moved my wing vaguely. In a concentrated silence Tia helped me to robe in the armor, fixating the bags on my shoulders she brought with her before leaving. Design of these, unlike to the classic for other ponies, was made to not bother the user’s wings. “There’s money for a start until you get familiar.” Princess explained. “Let’s go.” She is not looking back and coming to the door. I followed her, berating myself for stupidity and loose tongue. We went out in the already familiar hallway, but this time we turned another side. It was not a long walk — there was a guardian on a crossroad already — a white unicorn in golden armor, which made a step back and notably tightened when he saw me, muttering something under his breath. “Lieutenant Shining Armor will escort you to the chariot.” Princess turned to me. “I have to go — I fear, that there are urgent things that must be taken care of by me. Goodbye, Nightmare Moon.” Celestia moved away from the crossroad and didn’t even wait for my answer. “All the best, Princess Thanks for everything.” I answered a few seconds later. She turned back for a moment, giving me a farewell gaze, and continued her way, loudly clattering with her shoes on the stone flooring of the hallway.…
I examined future captain of the Royal guard with interest along the way. Massive white unicorn with bright blue mane dangerously looked askew at me in answer, trying to not lose me from his point of view and keeping gripping silence. It was slightly unusual to be taller for a whole head: while being in the Princess Celestia’s society, with her being something like the same height as me, I reflexively got used to normality and that my sizes are medium, and now a clearly tall pony, hardly getting my chin with his top is a something like discordance. While being both silent, we reached an exit to a platform, where a chariot with a pair of pegasi in armor stood. Even if Shining wanted to say something — he didn’t have courage to, and I simply had no desire to talk to anyone after the failed talk and a cold farewell with Princess. The guardians, that synchronously turned to sounds of our steps on a causeway, equally synchronously shivered and stepped back. “Screw me dead…” One of the pegasi dropped it with a mix of fear and admiration, while examining me. Catching the guardian’s gaze, I smiled at him kindly and chuckled when he turned away swiftly after taking a step back. Pfft, what a deal — fangs, what to be scared of? I smirked silently. “Do you remember the Princess’ instructions?” Shining addressed to the guardians. “Quick and smooth carry…Mmm… Of the Guest of Her Highness.” Lieutenant found the words, confused for a moment. “To Ponyville, let off on the outskirts at the same place where you always do and after you made your way back — not a single word. Clear?” He glanced at me for some reason, like he’s addressing the question to me. I answered with an indifferent gaze, and he shivered and quickly turned to his subordinates. “Sir, yes sir!” The guardians replied like a chorus, while trying to ignore my existence, but still looking at me from time to time. “Go on.” Said Shining. “Come on in…” He hesitated again, he doesn’t know how to address to me clearly, so after swallowing his phrase, he just waved with his hoof to the side of my transport invitingly, where pegasi are already hitched to it. I wordlessly went to the chariot and swept a mistrustful gaze over it. This construction triggers specific concerns. No, it’s very thick wood, topped with gilding and enriched with gilded metal decor, it looks absolutely solid and reliable in itself… But not for a flying machine clearly! Well, Tia’s short lesson about flying was learned by me back in days, under the window. I was right, I was so damn right about her gaze and how I didn’t like it… Yeah… And the most important and bitter — I can’t fly for now. But, at least, I’d be able to glide down and not be killed dead when I land, if this thing would break up in the air. I hope so… I stepped inside the chariot, loudly clattering with my shoes on the planking and, after thinking for some time, made myself sit. Yeah, bare boards aren’t a carpet… Fine, bearable. “Forward.” I shortly marked my readiness to the fly. The pegasi shivered simultaneously because of my voice. Yeah… I feel that there still will be problems with the locals, if even prepared military personal reacts with fear. Shining looks more cool-headed, but it’s still easily detectable that he straightly watches for me with worries. While deep in thoughts, I lost the moment when pegasi started to run and this miserable wooden construction took off with me inside. I carefully looked overboard and swept a quick gaze over the Shining’s reducing figure that is going back into the castle. My heart skipped a beat. How big the altitude is? With a force of will I suppressed the desire to turn back and to not look down: I’m a winged one, why should I fear altitude?! I have to get used to it, even though… Uh… It’s uncomfortable, yeah. I have to get used to a lot of things: ponies with their strange and paradoxical perspective on life, my wings, magic… Udder under the belly, yeah… Everything turned upside down. There’s a strange and foreign world around me, with its own rules. A world where I, as I think, hardly needed to anyone… And now I have to live here. I joylessly chuckled.