The Unwanted One

Waking up with a push, like because of an alarm-clock, I tried to do habitual movement: to sit on the bed and slip legs into slippers. Right leg bursts with a protesting pain, and I, by getting lost in strangely situated limbs, fell back onto the bed and finally woke up. By looking around, I made sure that it was a magnificent castle bedroom around me. For fuck’s sake! It was not a dream! I hopelessly dropped my head on what was left of the pillow and shut my eyes. My mood dropped down with the speed of a falling aircraft. I wanted to go and get hammered until oblivion in hopes that drunken haze would help me get rid of these thoughts that haunt me, and to get rid of an alien world. Why? For what? And what’s the matter in these questions if I can’t get back anyway? There’s no way back from the other side, even if “this side” is full of multicolored horses! Especially when you’re one of those — I lifted my head a bit and fixed my gaze at the folded criss-cross fore limbs, covered in black short fur and provided with accurate hooves. And what to do now, what?! There were unpleasant situation in my life, but it’s my first time when I face a really hopeless one. Yeah, I didn’t get used to being dead… There are no ideas, and therefore the thought: “What to do?” annoys me so much. I gazed at the door apathetically, looking at the fretworks of fiber on the plates with a senseless sight. Besides the sickeningly familiar “What to do?”, only a loud emptiness was in my head, it was heavy and freaking annoying in my soul. I don’t know how much time has passed, when a clop of hooves behind the door brought me out of the brain freeze. An interesting sound. It’s like a clop from high heels of a shoe, but because of the way of going on four legs, it sounds pretty weirdly — I noted dully. The steps stopped before the door and silenced. Interesting, who has come? I thought of a picture with hesitating Celestia in front of the door for a second, and I couldn’t hold a laugh. Yeah, what a nonsense. Likely it’s someone from the maidservants, who was “blessed” with an order to come to black-hearted Nightmare Moon with this or another task… The door, covering in a golden glow, opened silently and smoothly, letting in a beautiful like snow-white alicorn with a multicolored mane, fluttering on invisible wind. Wrong guess. Fantastic. The only thing I needed now is a meeting with her. I hoped she would come later… Celestia impresses. Lengthy, a stress can be felt in her whole figure: the wings are slightly high, the legs straddled for more stability. There’s concern on her face with a slight tone of interest. Watchful sight of narrowed big pink eyes, lips are shut tightly, ears are folded forward bellicosely. The rays of the Sun, breaking through a window, play on her golden regalia. She doesn’t look friendly. And I, in my wisdom and the rolled up melancholia, didn’t even make a plan of how to behave with her. All my knowledge about her is the series, where she is an incidental, almost background character, and the memories of either Luna or Nightmare — it’s hard to understand — about Queen Celestia. I do not trust in the first option really, I do not want to trust in the second option very much. The pause has lasted way too long, whipping up tensions. “Waiting for death is worse than death itself” — right? Exhaling like before a jump into water. Here we go… “Queen Celestia.” I nodded to the alicorn, representing a bow. She is winking in surprise, as if she tried to understand if I address to her. But it’s visible, that she eased a little. Waited an offensive instead of a talk? “I bear the Princess rank now, Nightmare Moon.” She answered with a beautiful, melodic voice. “How do you feel?” The pose become more relaxed, the ears straightened, a tiny sliver of a smile did appear… I like her in that way a lot more. About her question… “Better than it could’ve been, but worse than I wanted it to be.” I grimace at the last words reflexively. A broken leg is not a fast deal. Even idler such I would damn everything on Earth if I had to lay on a bed without a break for a couple of days. “Will you allow me to run magical diagnostic?” Tia gave me a questioning look. “As if I could ban something for you to do.” I chuckled while looking around the room. “If it’s not pleasant for you or you do not trust me — I’ll understand you and will not do this.” She gave me a serious look. “You’re joking.” I swept a distrustful glance over the white alicorn Seriously, she cannot think like this, can she? Her rank doesn’t allow this! I’m a potential enemy for her after all! “Hardly that.” The Princess insists calmly “I just think that it’s not allowable to impose your own vision to others in situations, when you can go without it.” Is she dropping hints on my daredevil past? Where is “I’m not you”? Where’s logic here, God damn it? “Not allowable to impose” to me — since when, if our relationship is far away from being friendly? I’d understand that if she did say it to Luna, for example… “You’re not joking — you’re mocking.” I inhale darkly. “Let’s be clear — why are you mucking about with me? Why do you need me? Not for a public execution I hope?” Celestia made a step back, narrowing eyes in no-good way. The last phrase, as I can understand, is the Nightmare Moon’s style, and she didn’t like it. “And you, Nightmare, would definitely do that if you were in my place?” A threatening shadow appeared in the Princess’ voice. “I’m not in your place. And it seems that would not be anymore in future.” I reply back apathetically. “Give me the answer finally, why do you need me?” Celestia gave me a long thoughtful look. It crossed my mind for a second, that she barely understands why she needs such a “gift”, such as alive-almost-healthy Nightmare Moon. “I don’t know if you will understand…” She says at last. “Everyone has the right for a second chance. If I have forgiven my sister, then why I must change my opinion for you — all of you were parts of one being, weren’t you? Moreover, the Element of Kindness asked me for you.” Fearful, constraining Flutty — for me?! I doubt that she wasn’t scare to give me even a look! The question “What to do?” has been questioned over and over again? Here, you’re welcome, your solution for some time — pay Fluttershy up for the rescue from worse-than-death fate. I suppose if she didn’t say a word — Celestia could’ve solved this problem the other way… This is not to say I very care about this life, but… but its loss will not bring the old one, where everything that was meaningful for me was left behind. And that being the case, I must live further on. Live with a life as it is — and be happy that I have at least this one. If dad was here, he would give me an advice that I must live this life better than the old one. “You have to listen to your parents, right?” I hardly chuckled, but darken once again in a moment. They have to bury me there… And here I can only hope that they would endure this… God… Something white appeared before the eyes for a moment, I reflexively blinked and pulled back, recovering myself. “…Okay?” I heard worried Celestia’s voice. “No, I’m not okay.” I deeply inhaled in answer, figuring out the beginning of the phrase. “But thanks for asking. Although I still barely understand why you muck about with me. A second chance is a good thing surely, but…” I vaguely waved with a hoof. “Why don’t you trust me that I could give it to you not “for some reason”, but just because?!” The Princess asked kind of discomposedly. “Because you’re a ruler. You do everything “for some reason.” I tried to shrug. It worked out badly. And also because I don’t know what to do with your “for some reason”. If you told me where to go and what to do — it could’ve been easier. There could’ve been no time to think… “About everything” I added inwardly darkly. “I’m not the Queen you remember, Nightmare. I have categories, different from “advantage-disadvantage”.” Rather sharp answered Celestia. I can feel that royal past is a pretty unpleasant topic for her. “What about “dangerous-undangerous” category?” I chuckled. “Last time I checked our last meeting almost ended in your death. And now you house me in fancy chambers, come alone, without escort, take care of me… Not as if I’m against it, sure…” I silenced, trying plainly to come up with doubts. Her actions cannot be understood by my logic, cannot! Such a ruler and a politician with such a life cannot do such things as she does! “You’re not in condition to pose threat for me.” Drily states Princess, but she softens and adds: “On top of that, extreme measures are extreme for the absence of other variants. And I still hope, that you will be able to make friends and find something more than desires to get power and covering the world in an endless night.” Got it. “We will keep you — maybe you would be useful, but we’ll always be in time to roll you into concrete”. I was not going to give reasons for the last one, if I remember correctly… But I have to find a goal myself. Yeah, no one promised that it would be easy… “I’ll try.” I lingered time with some misgiving, rather answering to my own thoughts than to the Princess’ words. Celestia smiles at me warmly. “Glad to hear it! If so, be my guest, Nightmare. And let’s get back to the beginning of our talk — what’s your opinion about diagnostic?” “Do it if you think it’s necessary.” I nod. Because of this rather dryish answer, Tia’s smile seemingly fade a little. I felt ashamed of me for a second, that I do not trust her. But… I can’t. Even if she was absolutely honest with me. “Do not trust politicians and bankers” — it’s a setup from the already past life was set deep inside of me like a vice. It can have serious consequences… Meanwhile, a golden sparkle fell down from Celestia’s long horn, lighted up with a soft yellow shine, and imbedded in me, causing a short feeling of tickle throughout my whole body. Ah, bastard! I shuddered. Snowy alicorn narrowly examined my side and leg almost a minute, and then looked again in my eyes and smiled. “Everything is fine, healing spells are doing well, adhesion is going good. I’d say unusually good. I think after three-four days you’ll be able to stand up.” Princess cheered me up. Unusually you say… What about me not feeling hunger and thirst for two days — is it usual thing for alicorns or not? I speak my question out. “Not exactly…” Tia answers thoughtfully. “You, maybe, had no opportunity to get aware of this earlier: alicorns are more magic beings rather than material ones. What you described is typical for an alicorn who got caught in a very strong magic place, where energy supply from without is great enough for the alicorn’s organism to function only on it. Maybe because of this your adhesion is going too fast. Maybe the Moon itself is a source like that. But, to be honest, I have not been interested in that question…” Princess became confused. I couldn’t hold a smile — she was pretty cute because of that. “Nevertheless, I can surely say that hunger and thirst will come back to you soon.” The talk got silenced by itself. While thinking of something, Princess directed her gaze out the window. I reflexively followed her. The Sun doesn’t blind me anymore, it hides behind a cloud, some dots are creeping near it in bright blue sky — apparently, a weather team of pegasi working on it. I could see no more from this low bed, but even this picture somehow seemed to be calming and something like careless. Some time we just gazed out the window with Princess in silent. “Okay.” Shortly said Celestia. “It was interesting to talk with you, but unfortunately I have to go. Can I help you with something?” Why is she breaking my template — is it on purpose? Why she treats me like that? Abnormal world, abnormal villagers… But I, of course, wouldn’t hesitate: never slap a gift horse. “If it’s not a problem — a pillow.” I gazed shyly on what has left of the old one. “And books to read. I don’t know what you have, so on your taste.” Princess glanced over the dissipated feathers, but didn’t say anything. And thanks to her for it — there was no desire to expatiate upon the reasons of my hysteria. “Okay.” She nodded. “Goodbye, Nightmare Moon.” “Goodbye.” Hesitating, I echoed to the already closing door. The talk exhausted me pretty well. And what’s worse, didn’t make anything more clear: I still don’t know what to do in this world and how to live further. I gazed upon the clock and with revealed some surprise that night time is not in the distance — postprandial nap and talking with Princess have taken a lot of time and I didn’t even know it. That is good — this silly day has already annoyed me as hell… I find a comfortable place on the bed and shut my eyes.