Forgive me, but I give up

– I'm tired..– I thought I could do it... I could breathe without you, live, distinguish day and night, enjoy the sunset. Do everything as before.       How long has he been here? A little more than six months, a couple more months and there will be a round date. – I thought I was resigned... I've come to terms with the pain that tears my heart into thousands of small pieces every day, I've come to terms with falling asleep and waking up alone in the morning...       No matter how much time Yoongi spent in this place, it didn't get any easier. Only each time it was harder to leave. – I believed and hoped that I could do it, but... I can't, I can't without you, Jimin-ah... I'm tired...       Tears no longer flow from his eyes, he no longer tears his voice from screaming, now Min Yoongi's inside is completely empty.. There was nothing left in him, only the pain and bitterness of loss. – You left and my world plunged into darkness, all the colors disappeared from it. I don't want to wake up and fall asleep in this cold bed without you, without your warm and gentle hands, and your drugged voice. Without your sweet and intoxicating kisses, like tart wine. Without your smile, which warmed me even on the frostiest day...       Even the memories of Jimin are still very sunshine, pure as the brightest days.. The only happy moments in his miserable life. – You ask me to move on, but how? How do I do this baby? If every breath without you causes a wild pain.. The voice that you love so much is now even more hoarse from tears and from unrestrained sobbing. I do not know how to continue living and for what? After all, you took my heart with you...       Yoongi feels this dank and cold earth again, a soulless stone that is constantly caressed by frozen fingers. – I feel so bad, my dear boy. I look at our photos together every night... You look so happy everywhere on them... Although even then, you already knew... Knew and didn't tell me anything, taked care of me... But why?       He had asked this question more than a hundred times and had never received an answer to it. It's hard, he doesn't even have the strength to get up. All that remains is to get comfortable and wait. – You're so strong, my baby boy.. You handled everything by yourself, alone... Even the last time we met, you didn't say anything, you didn't show how baded you were, and it hurts me so much, Jimin-ah, it hurts so much to realize that you were all alone that terrible day. I hate myself... I hate and despise you for not being able to help you, for not being there for you, for not noticing how all this happened. And I never ask myself that..       You cannot let go of what continues to live in you, fills all your thoughts. It is impossible to forget someone who has become a part of your soul, to whom your heart has been given.. – Every time I come here, I confess to you how much I miss you, how much I love you, and how hard it is for me without you, but you are silent, you do not give a single sign.       Min presses closer to the cold piece of stone and sighs faintly, looking into her beloved eyes. Those that once eclipsed even the starry sky. – My world collapsed with your departure. I wish I hated you for leaving me alone without taking me with you, but I can't. I hate only myself, my worthless life, I hate every day that I live without you, I hate that I'm alive and you're gone...       Icy gusts of wind no longer make a weakened body shake from the cold. He's finally starting to feel warm. Yoongi closes his eyes, takes a small breath, filling his lungs with air. – I miss you, madly! The only thing I want to believe is that in the next life and thousands of others, I will find you... And we will be together again...       Tears freeze in his eyes. It hurts, it still hurts like it did ten months ago. It does not subside, it does not dull, it does not get smaller. People lie - time does not heal... – I'm sorry.. I'm sorry, I couldt do it without you. Because without you, there is no me. We are as one - yin and yang. I'm suffocating, because you were my oxygen. A sunny, warm ray of light, chasing away the darkness that enveloped me. You were my world... My universe...       Min never regretted meted him. Never regretted being able to love someone so much. He only regretted that it had all ended so quickly. – I'm coming here for the last time. For the last time I bring flowers to the grave, your now eternal cradle. For the last time I look at the photo that is carved on a marble slab. I'm whispering for the last time that I love you... Jimin-ah...       Voice is shaking, but his body no longer feels cold. Only inner peace. Perverted harmony... – In just a couple of minutes, my last breath will sound. But for the first time in a long time, I feel so calm and good, you won't believe it, but I'm happed, happy that I will spend the last minutes of my life with you, as I dreamed, my boy... It's just a pity that in my dreams we both died of old age, and now I'm alone, on your cold tombstone...       Silence. This is the first time there has been such silence in this place. His eyes close as the poison spreads through his veins. With the last of his strength Yoongi barely whispers: – I love you more than life... I promise, even death will not be an obstacle to us, I will find you, just wait for me, Jimin...       He was dying with a smile on his lips, clutching the black marble in his arms with his long fingers...