Firework and Grenade

Standing on the balcony, Takeo was trying not to think. But he just could not. His thoughts made him walk in circles, reluctant to stop. He was starting to understand that no matter how many times he repeated it, in his mind or out loud, it would not help him either to comprehend or fix what had happened. My sister is Dr. Iris. There was not actually any sister. A twisted Iris had been deceiving him for fun all the way through. That entertainment of hers had cost him his life. Would he have stayed in the Union, knowing that nothing kept him there? They did not complete too many missions, but what a difficulty it was for him to bear with them. Due to some fatal oversight, they had forgotten to remove conscience and sympathy from the ‘Takeo’ testing subject. True, he, like all the other team members, used to enjoy what he did. He was pleased to pick up an ultra-modern weapon, ideal in weight and size. It seemed an integral part of himself. He felt it deep in his own being, and with each new time that connection grew. They thought that everyone had chosen their own desired specialization... In fact, that choice had been made by Iris. Well, at least it was beginning to become clear what the origins of the two voices eternally arguing in his head were. The louder voice was a mere characteristic burnt into his entity. (“After all, it would be great if a sniper loved to shoot and never missed, wouldn’t it?” that was what Iris was probably thinking.) During his training, Takeo really felt that there was no greater happiness than shooting – shooting non-stop, to kill, right on target. He felt his gaze catching the smallest features of an object. He had enough time to evaluate all the factors; he felt alike with a bullet cutting through the space, fired at the perfect moment and always unmistakably. And he enjoyed the feeling without thinking, without reflecting, he just lived that action through. And then another voice would come. Takeo did not understand what was causing it. At night, after his completed field missions. At night, before his upcoming missions. That voice was always dispassionate, but it turned his soul inside out, forcing Takeo, who was curling somewhere on a cold floor or in someone else’s too soft bed in a safe house, to silently freeze numb... Why? And for what fault? He was good at battling, but he could not make himself do it, he was not fit to kill. Those were flesh and blood, the people with their interesting, dramatic destinies... And no mission was worth aiming at them and taking away those lives. Alas, but Takeo had to make a deal with his conscience when the Union agreed to heal his Teira. His sister was terminally ill; no amount of money (which Takeo did not have or could hope to have) would have helped. And still, the Union research group, possessing technologies that humanity had never seen before, took on the task. Takeo understood quite well: Teira’s life instantly depended on his loyalty to the Union. Perhaps they could live like this. They probably had a few more happy, priceless years of Teira’s vitality. But the Union, having once seized the girl, would not let her out of its hands. In case Takeo betrayed the Union, it, at best, could use Teira as a testing subject, and at worst, they could leave her without a cure or kill her outright. A little later, having become more familiar with several stories of modification projects that, for various reasons, ended ahead of time, Takeo swapped his priorities. It seems that for those guys, death was preferable to taking part in experiments.          

***

       Do you ever feel like a plastic bag Floating through the wind Wanting to start again…               Takeo looked into the cold empty sky. Now it seemed to him that he was looking at his own life from the outside for the first time. He used to feel that he was doing the right thing. It seemed that his actions made sense, but what was left of his life after answering one single question? Who is my sister? His life became a dark emptiness. His fragile, wounded consciousness as if turned into a translucent torn plastic bag. It had served his owner well, and it was thrown into the huge cold world after it became cast off. The wind would now play with it endlessly. If only Takeo could fly in a straight line like bullets do! His trajectory of life would be bright and short then. And yet the wind would be carrying a light, pliable package, losing it at times, going astray and picking up the old direction once again. Takeo was oh so tired of those ups and downs. What is the use of surviving just to wait for the next whorl? What is the point in watching how your soul is being torn apart, losing its plastic filling? No, there is not any... If only he could start it all over again. Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin Like a house of cards One blow from caving in…               Takeo felt he lived all his life in vain. And there was nothing to do about it because there was no point in living any further. His every day was a clear black and white picture imprinted on paper forever. Now the fragile structure, like a house of cards, had collapsed. The cards flying apart, Takeo was seeing his actions, for which there was no excuse, on each piece of the glossy paper. Only the last few days were meaningful, only the last few deeds were righteous. Only those few cards were colored. But they were the first to be torn from the top of the house of cards by the wind. Do you ever feel already buried deep Six feet under scream But no one seems to hear a thing…              Takeo did not know who he used to be. And yet he suspected that he could not appear in the Union out of thin air. He once had another life, there was himself, not even Takeo by name, maybe just any other guy. All alone in the world, according to Iris. There was no family. And there was no one to remember him or to wonder what was to become of him. He imagined himself deceased long ago. Yes, at the very moment when Iris took her new toy away from the human environment he was as good as dead. When he opened his eyes in the laboratory, he was buried deep in the basements of the Union forever. He turned out to be strong enough and came to light, leaving the walls of the laboratory; but the Union remained deep inside his mind. No one would hear the scream of a person from a laboratory dungeon. Do you know that there's Still a chance for you, 'Cause there's a spark in you. You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine, Just own the night Like the Fourth of July…           Takeo sometimes wondered about his past. It would be strange if he did not think about it at all. But he considered it stupid to torment himself constantly. And there was no time to be distracted for too long. Only one thing supported him at the time: in one of the numerous offices there was a sweet, poignant Teira waiting for him. She was his second chance, a ray of light in the dark chaos of missions and training. Takeo thought that someday, when Teira received her medicine and he reached the maximum development of his abilities, they would be able to escape. This dream lived in him and served as a distant beacon, towards which Takeo stubbornly walked, trying not to stumble. They would go so far that even the Union did not reach them. They would rule their little world all by themselves. Teira agreed to it. She did not see why Takeo was so afraid of the Union and wanted to hide from it. She underestimated the threat. She was always so childish and naive... But she loved to indulge in fantasy with her brother. One day she asked him what superpower he would choose for her. Takeo, who was sitting peacefully on the edge of her bed, immediately jumped up, turning over the tray of medicine. “Are they going to modify you?” he asked, horrified, taking his time to collect the smithereens. “No,” she laughed. “Why are you screaming and breaking things right away? I’m just asking.” “But why?” “You have your superpowers, and I don’t,” Teira’s gentle voice muttered offendedly. “Am I worse than you? If they can cure me, then giving me abilities is a piece of cake for them.” “You shouldn’t parrot me in everything,” Takeo said softly, trying to smile. “This path wasn’t chosen by me. It just happened to be this way. Do not ask them to do this to you under any circumstances, Teira, is that clear?” “Fine, my cutie pie,” she agreed readily and was off with her question again: “Anyway, what powers would suit me? I won’t ask for them, I’m just dreaming.” “As if you need them,” Takeo grumbled. “Just for the record, many people would give up anything for the simplest modification,” Teira said in an unexpectedly adult tone. “And I am no exception. Just imagine if I could live just one day outside these walls, launched into the sky like a firework! Do you remember watching those fireworks with me?” “I don’t,” he responded sadly. “You know, I don’t remember a thing before my modification... not even... not even you,” he managed awkwardly. “Never mind,” she said putting her palm on his. “But I do very clearly. They were indeed beautiful. When we are free, let’s choose a holiday and go watch the fireworks! This is when the whole sky ignites with multi-colored sparks, a firing after firing, and the roar makes car alarms go off. They are different, these fireworks. They tear the sky apart like a lightning, but they are more like a sparkling rain. This is such a mesmerizing sight! Do you want to watch with me?” “I do.” “And now imagine if I had such a power! I would just own the night, and I would drive away the darkness from the sky!” That was how they dreamt.        

***

Easy come, easy go, That's the way you live, ooh, Take, take, take it all, but you never give! I should have known, you were trouble From the first kiss, had your eyes wide open. Why were they open?.. Easy come, easy go, that is the way you live, Teira. After all, was it any hard to convince a blank out young man that he had a sister? And at the same time to make up a medical history for her, shackling Takeo forever? Actually, Takeo never figured out whose exactly the lie was; perhaps it was not only Iris who was fooling him. She seemed to be just having fun with him, and was not going to use their family ties to pressure him... Initially, that had to not be the reason for her becoming a Teira. Dr. Iris quickly rose to prominence as a scientist (though she was still one of many), but her awkwardness in communication was fairly well known. Could such a person possibly imagine how the life priorities of an experimental subject who suddenly found a family would be turned upside down? Could she have predicted that he would do anything for his Teira? Human feelings seemed to be incomprehensible for her. Doctor Iris was spoken as of a monster. It would be a mistake to call her unhealthy admiration for a male test subject sincere affection. You take, take, take it all but you never give anything in return. You take people off the street and they never come back. You take away their identity, home, destiny and a right to choose... We are machines resembling people by our looks. And only sometimes mistakes happen. You gave a part of yourself in exchange for his hard-won and unbreakable devotion. Takeo would have been an ordinary agent if it weren’t for you, Teira. He would quickly realize that he just wanted to survive, he would stop looking for the ways to escape from the well-functioning scheme. He would enjoy his function and become your toy. Oh, you would be pleased, Iris, because your toy finally was a success! You love beautiful and unquestioning toys, don’t you, my sweet baby sister? But on a whim, you gave your love to the agent. How did you manage to fake it? Your abilities were truly great then. You gave it to get everything and even more. If only you had not revealed the truth, it would have worked out. Takeo should have realized that he had entered a world of illusions. His Teira was only an echo of the human world that he was missing. Maybe he really was so lonely in that previous life that he took craving for belonging into his new life. Or did Iris lie to him again, saying that he had never had a family? He might have been so used to a huge loving family that he could not stand the indifference and loneliness of his captivity. And then Teira came to life, fragile and defenseless, and in need of his support. He still remembered a message on the screen in his room. Without understanding anything, he was reading that his sister had just woken up from a serious surgery and was waiting for him. He was recovering from the experiment, too. He felt weak and confused but quickly pulled himself together and entered the indicated compartment. A slender, thin girl was lying on the bed. The image did not ring a bell. He did not remember anything from before. There was no way he could remember his sister. But it was doubtlessly her. She had long lush brown hair and huge expressive eyes. Just one look at her was enough to become attached to her. She was clearly suffering but bravely held on. A good and strong girl she was... How old was she then? “Takeo, it’s me,” she said in a weak voice. “You don’t recognize me, do you?” “I do,” he lied immediately. “I have changed a lot lately. I know that I used to be way more beautiful... but... You won’t love me less now, will you?” “Even more beautiful?” Takeo was surprised. “I will always love you.” “Then come here and kiss me.” “Huh?” Takeo leaned towards her awkwardly and kissed her either on the cheek or on the temple. He did not quite understand. And he could not part from his sister’s greedy, searching gaze. Wasn’t she supposed to close her eyes? She was so weak... It was hard for her to even look at the light. But she literally ogled him. It was queer. Probably, he had also changed a lot after his modification.

***

I gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash, You tossed it in the trash, you did. To give me all your love Is all I ever asked 'cause what you don't understand…        Teira, what have you done? Takeo did not have much left in his life. Only his young and sturdy body, a sharp eyesight and his strong arms; though he could not say what was his personal merit, and what was a gift of nature, and what was the result of him being modified. He was not a leader, but he did a good job as a part of the group. Time flew. He gave the organization all he had to win the fight for Teira. He did not care a bit about his own life. In the end, the only point of staying alive was to make Teira feel well. Sometimes he even brought something to give her. Those were all sorts of little things that he managed to sneak through the detectors at the entrance. But she liked them. She was delighted with every single trinket she got. It seemed to Takeo that Teira could outshine any catwalk model if she dressed nicely and combed her hair. But Teira was wearing her hospital pajamas every time, so the pretty pretties always contrasted not only with the situation itself, but also with the girl’s appearance. Anyhow, Takeo used to hope that someday Teira would be able to wear his gifts when going for a walk... What was the fate of all those trinkets? Indeed, he finally saw Iris with his own eyes that evening; she was quite pretty. But she would never stoop so low as to accept Takeo’s cute naffness. She must have just thrown them away without even looking as soon as Takeo left her room. And all he ever asked from you was just your love. But you don’t understand, you are unable to understand what she meant to him...      

***

I would catch a grenade for ya, Throw my hand on the blade for ya, Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky! Baby, you're a firework! Come on, let your colours burst! Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!" Gonna leave 'emgoin' 'oh, oh, oh' I would go through all this pain, I'd take a bullet straight through my brain, I would die for you, baby, But you won't do the same! You won't do the same…    The sky lit up with colorful lights. Even though there had been an explosion in the city recently it was a completely different area. People were celebrating something, and bright fountains of sparks flew into the black sky. Did you want to see the fireworks, Teira? Takeo would do anything to save you. More than once he imagined himself sacrificing himself for his sister: and not at all in a romantic way, but due to a living necessity. He understood that anything could happen in life. But he believed that his abilities were enough to protect her. He would have caught the grenade with his bare hands! He would have stopped the blade with his palm to break a blow away from Teira. He had enough strength for that. He had reactions quick as lightning and a tolerable regeneration for an agent of his level. You wanted your superpowers for a totally different thing, right? You did not need them for a combat. You wanted to rise into the sky and illuminate it with your light, just like you did with Takeo’s life. He was ready to fight for you until his last breath, as long as you shoot across the sky. He was ready to go through all the pain; he was even ready to take a bullet straight through his brain but... But she would never do the same for her brother. Oh, you are safe, Teira, because you will never have to sacrifice your life for the sake of a loved one. Takeo often thought that his life became more colourful with Teira. Indeed, there was something explosive about her, hidden somewhere in her amber eyes easily taking on any expression. With Teira, any minor event became a big deal because she had an iron core inside her. Oh, they had to enjoy all the colors of life! And he was telling Teira about that over and over again, so that she would take courage and wait for the moment when a new life began. You have lived to see it, haven’t you, Teira? Today, when you have used the energy pill instead of Takeo, wasn’t it his reward? Frankenstein can explain the principle of the drug’s action as much as he likes, but one thing is clear to Takeo: whoever takes the pill will not be given even a couple of hours promised by the scientist. Just one moment. Teira wanted to become a firework so badly. She wanted to experience the storm, a flush and an explosion, at the same time, she wanted to fly into the air and dispel an unlimited power throughout the sky. Wasn’t that exactly what she was feeling in that brief moment before she collapsed on the pavement? She lived a bright and short life, like a volley of fireworks. Come on, let your colours burst, splash the sky as long as you wanted it. If only Takeo could save you from this... He would do everything for you.              

***

Boom, boom, boom! Even brighter than the moon, moon, yeah! I would go through all this pain, I'd take a bullet straight through my brain, I would die for you, baby…            Boom! Boom! Boom! The fireworks are reluctant to stop. Golden, red, green flashes are even brighter than the moon emerging from the clouds. But Teira no longer sees any of these. I wonder if she is still alive. Yuri carried Iris away before anyone could react. Doubtlessly, he brought her back to the Union, where someone was sure to take care of Dr. Iris. But still, was it enough? Now there may be fewer lies in their relationship than ever. And for the first time everything is true. It has come true. Now she is truly at death’s door. But he is far from her and cannot comfort her. And Teira is not herself anymore. She has never existed, but it still pains Takeo to lose her. Now it is Iris, not Teira, who is struggling with the consequences of the experiment. And when Dr. Iris dies, Takeo can consider himself safe. But if Iris is Teira, then only if Teira survives does Takeo have a reason to live... But Iris is not Teira. She has never been. 'Cause baby, you're a firework, Come on let your colours burst… Baby, you have always been a firework. If only the fireworks were not so impermanent... But now – they are all gone. Takeo clutches the cool railing. He feels ready to merge with the darkness where the last sparks are extinguishing. What a pity that everything ends this way... But Iris has done for him. His hastily bandaged wound has stopped bleeding, but the energy continues to leave him. Takeo does not know for sure, but he suspects he has only a few hours left. If only he could spend this time unconscious, without these annoying, crystal clear thoughts, full of regrets and memories! But he is sure that he will continue to recall them until the very end... He gasped, and his body shook with silent sobs. If only he could at least cry like a human. But he is not a person, he is a modified one. He is only designed to see the target and fire at it. He cannot cry, he has no right to allow his tears to cloud his vision.

***

  He heard footsteps and turned around. Tao came out onto the balcony, followed by M-21. Takeo did not want to see anyone. But he did not know where else he could go in this house full of people, so he just moved to make room for the hacker. Tao was standing next to him for some time silently staring straight before himself. And yet his presence was painful as Takeo almost could feel the words that Tao was considering, thinking about how to start a conversation. “Takeo, you need to heal and rest,” Tao said factually, giving up on thinking of anything better. “Physically, your wounds seem to be healing, but there’s something wrong with your vitality... We need to find out how much energy you’ve lost. If it’s more than we think, it’s dangerous.’ “I don’t care anymore...” Takeo wanted to remain silent, keep silence till the end, but he had to give Tao an explanation to make him get off his back. “I don’t intend to live.” “Takeo!” Tao and M-21 exclaimed simultaneously. There was horror and indignation in the hacker's voice, but as for M-21... Something made Takeo turn to the agent. “This is ridiculous,” said M-21. If Takeo was expecting any kind of reaction, it certainly was not like that one. At best, the modified ones could understand him and leave him alone, most likely, as Tao actually did, they could start screaming and proving that he was to start everything over again. But saying that him wanting to die was nonsense? Calmly, M-21 folded his hands and explained: “I don’t believe you’re getting all emotional just because an Iris girl has fooled you.” “What did you say?!” Tao exploded, rushing to defend Takeo with a totally unexpected readiness. “Don’t be so harsh! You have no idea what Takeo has sacrificed for his sister! His sister was his only hope. It’s only now when he’s realized that she’s a fake.” The lips with a never healing scar twisted with a caustic smile. “So what? Do I have to hug and stroke you down?” Speaking of a hug, Tao was quick to rush to him, shielding Takeo from M-21. “M-21!” If Takeo thought that he did not care anymore, he was mistaken. M-21's words were too offensive. “You’ve experienced humiliation, sure thing you will behave like this,” M-21 continued matter-of-factly. “Don’t you think such a sight would make her very happy?” “What's wrong with you?” Tao asked. “Oh, you’re an...” “Well, at least you’re luckier than us.” “What do you mean?” “If we died during the experiment, no one would care,” M-21 said harshly. “We, the subjects, were grateful for every new day. Are you saying you have nothing to live for? Do you even understand how I feel when I hear this?” M-21’s voice became tense with hatred. “We would do anything to live a little longer.” Tao and Takeo stared at M-21 silently. Yes, they had heard the sad story of the ‘M’ group. They even knew how much Iris rejoiced at Dr. Crombel’s failure. Some people managed to spread gossip even in the Union, to their surprise. So, they heard that everyone but a few people died in that experiment. Those few luckier agents did not last for too long either. But they even were said to be sent off with some simple missions, which they occasionally completed without leaving any traces. Tao and Takeo heard nothing about the relationship within the group: too much effort and attention was taken up by the internal turmoil in their ‘DA-5’. “What we did was begging each other to hold out until the end,” M-21 continued, clenching his fists. “And that’s all we could do for each other. Your sister turned out to be fake. Iris was just playing with you. So what?! Are you saying this is the reason you don’t want to live anymore? You can live as if you have never had a sister!’ M-21 finished yelling at him. He took a deep breath and added in a totally different, calm tone: “Never... never ever tell me this nonsense again.” Tao and Takeo moved to the very edge of the balcony and froze there. “M-21,” Tao said, either with just a surprise or with sympathy. Takeo remained silent. “If nothing else, you still have a partner,” M-21 slurred over his shoulder and he left.              

***

Tao did not have a stomach for leaving him alone. At least Takeo was grateful for one thing: untypically, Tao was keeping silence. But he was standing and boring a hole through him as Takeo was staring at the railing trying to figure something out. M-21’s words turned his soul out. Outrageous! Why would M-21 believe that he had suffered more than Takeo had, although he had only lost his colleagues, and not his sister?! No one deceived him, no one forced him to sacrifice everything for love. No one ever made him feel like anyone needed him. No one was kind to him, no one waited for him... After all, he had not got Teira. “If nothing else, you still have a partner.” What the hell does he need a partner for? Their unit has fallen apart, the mission has failed, there is no point in continuing the fight. They have been created to give their power to the leader and die. And suddenly the leader is not even Kranz, but a fragile and sweet Teira. What difference does it make who is whose partner? “I have always disliked the other agents... everyone except you. I was so happy to see you alive.” Tao... Takeo strongly believed that no one cared about him. But for Tao it turned out to be important who the only survivor except himself was. And he was ready to take an additional risk, for the sake of his wounded partner, seeking shelter in the house of the very man they had fought before. He did not leave immediately waiting until Takeo came to himself ready to go on. And he was even ready to help find Teira... Moreover, there was M-21. Why did he ask Frankenstein to shelter Tao and Takeo? Felt sorry for them? Or did he have some plans for them? Tao and Takeo became almost as useless as the ill-fated samples from the ‘M’ group. What on earth plans? He did not even need anything from Tao anymore, because Tao had already found all the information he could find for M-21. And Takeo was of no value for him at all... There is a kind of humiliation in the fact they have been spared out of pity. Out of pity? This was not just pity, but a complete understanding of what happened. M-21 experienced the same fate himself. So, he did not want the former ‘DA-5’ agents to suffer the same fate as his own colleagues. Well, for some personal reason he believed that the death of his colleagues was more important than Teira’s betrayal. But M-21 did not seem the kind of person who would discuss serious things with a stranger. He was quite explosive over small things, but as for serious matters... He was too proud to reveal his true feelings to anyone. And yet he yelled at Takeo, showing that he somehow cared. True, Takeo was never interested in the fate of the failed experiment subjects. It was enough to know that his own modification went according to plan. But apparently there was something important about M-21 that Takeo simply did not take into account.

***

Tao was still looking straight at him. What a defender, really! Then Takeo suddenly realized that he was smiling. “W-What is it?” Tao broke the silence after all. “Nothing,” Takeo turned around and looked straight into Tao’s big, frightened eyes. “Well, I’ve thought about everything and made it loud and simple for myself.” “So?” the hacker asked cautiously. “Still nothing,” Takeo said and patted Tao on the shoulder. “Thank you, guys...” “So, you won’t... I mean… you want to... Do you want to look for Frankenstein so that he can examine you?” Tao suggested apprehensively. Takeo nodded. And afterwards I have to find M-21 and apologize, Takeo added to himself.