Never give up

“Hi, sweetheart! What are you doing out here? Is everything okay?” I asked, stepping out on the patio, where I finally found my beloved, thoughtfully sitting in a wicker chair with a cigarette in one hand and a half-empty glass of whiskey in the other. “Now it is, yes. Hi,” he replied, setting down his glass and pulling me closer by my waist. "Will you sit?"  “Sure,” I willingly agreed, rubbing myself to his side. His strong hand laid on my shoulder pulling me even closer. I felt the warm breeze when he breathed out and the soft touch of his lips. “Is everything alright? You're brooding.” “Yeah, I suppose I am,” he chuckled in response; his palm gently squeezed my shoulder. “I really don’t mean to nag, but would love for you to share,” I said quietly, slightly tilting my head in his direction and continuing to look at the lawn in front of the house.  Minutes passed by in silence, the beloved one finished off his cigarette and lit up another, slowly sipping his whiskey. And now it has become very clear that something has happened. He rarely smoked more than one at a time. If he wants to share what happened, he will. If not… well then, so be it.  That is what we valued the most in our relationship — the free expression of wishes, with no pressure and tantrums — “You don't trust me!”. Fuck all this crap! We are so full of all that so it will be enough for two lives. Our own and others.  Oddly enough, either he or I would eventually begin to talk about what had happened: things that were disturbing, occupying our minds or uncertain for us. So I knew that it was necessary to give him some time, more space. Express attention, understanding and just wait. He will consider everything and then we will discuss it. And it turned out like that this time as well. Having warmed up by his side in a dear and intimate embrace, I almost missed the moment when he barely sighed and hummed. Decided.  “Today is a special day,” he began. “Guess what, I was denied the role. Politely, of course, but that's no less unpleasant.”  “Did they give a reason? “Oh, I’ll probably hear this a lot from now on: “We are eternally grateful for your interest in the script and, no doubt, know firsthand about your acting skills,” he sarcastically parodied in a nasty squeaky voice, and continued “but, unfortunately, the director has a slightly different vision for the main character. A little younger, if I may say so. By ten years.”  “Little bitch,” I said firmly.  “Shh, honey, don't say that. She’s basically right: I start dropping out of the league at my age. Who likes to watch the old fart on the screen?”  I almost choked to death in anger and opened my mouth to express the full extent of my outrage, when I felt a strong shoulder shrug. Not now, I realized, and exhaled a long breath, looking up at him. “Smart cookie,” he said tenderly. “I know that you don’t think so, but this is what I heard. I didn’t expect that it would hurt me so much but saying it out loud… well, it’s hard to accept, really. I feel prisoned inside my aging body.” "She's totally incompetent! I'll tell you what, they have no idea what they’re missing." He grinned and petted my shoulder. “Listen, I'm sure the movie will flop without you! It will be booed like none other! If they even shoot it at all," I muttered at the end. “My warlike tribble," he said with a smile in his voice. “Always defending my honor”. “But what does honor have to do with it, damn it? Sorry for pouring salt in the wound, but you perfectly fit this role! It feels as if it's written for you! That's the truth! Pah, they hired total morons." “Good thing ‘they’ can’t hear you.” He looked at me, smiling openly. “And what a blessing that you are able to keep your mouth shut... when necessary.” He laughed, finally, remembering the old story when I almost went crazy. One shall think twice before having a go at us! "I’m getting better at it," I chuckled back, "but sometimes it's hard to resist."  "I know, sweetheart, I know. This is what acting is all about. If only you knew how hard it is for me sometimes.” “Yeah... Hard to imagine... I am sure, it is highly possible that you probably thanked her nicely, even smiled, didn’t you?” "What was I supposed to do? Wipe the floor with her?” “Mmm... That would be epic! That is almost a ready plot," I say, cheekily. “Oh, yes! I can see something like "An elderly actor not ready to retire" or "An aging Kiwi against the production assistant! Who would win?"  “You, chump!” I shoved my elbow to his side with a laugh. We’re sitting too close for him to dodge the gentle attack. “Well, let's be honest. Want to know what I think?” “Hmmm?” “I'll give them a week. No more, no less. She will hold the casting and you know that right now there are no actors who are capable of playing the main character at the proper level. No one that’s available, I mean. Everyone is busy with their projects. The young ones will come for sure. She will gladly pick a few and go to the director. And he's not a blind person, yeah? He will arrange his screening, run his own casting. Maybe even a tough one and more serious for sure. This, I'm telling you! A-a-and…” deliberately pausing, I finished “...he will contact you in a week. Want to bet?” “Is that so? You seem pretty sure of yourself.” He looked at me in surprise; my beloved raised an eyebrow, pursing his lower lip. Damn, that was a low blow. I hovered. “Honey, you offered a bet?” he questioned as he nudged me. “I’m listening,” he said. I paused for a moment, confused. “Huh?” I responded as I glanced at him blankly and unfocused. ”Bet?” He smiled happily, perfectly aware of my reaction to this gesture. “Yeah, a bet. I'm all ears," he drawled, almost purring and deliberately stretching his words. “Ugh, you tempting serpent.” I shook my head, chasing away the confusion, and immediately heard a joyful laugh escape my partner’s mouth. “Alright, here's my bet: if you don't get a call in a week, I’ll accompany you to five events of your choosing. Any.” He rounded his eyes and stared at me in disbelief. His eyebrows, as if alive, crawled away somewhere to the hairline. “Are you... Are you serious? Are you really ready to go with me to FIVE random events of my choosing? Even surfing? Even an annoying hang out with other actors? You don't like them, do you?!” “Yeah, all of that and whatever else you can come up with! That’s how sure I am. And... it's not that I don't like them… They're cool, most of them, I'm just not in the same league, and I don't want to be a burden.” “You surprised me," he said, still somewhat skeptical. “And what if he does call?” “And if he does”, I exhaled a breath of relief, “before you start shooting, we'll go on holiday. For a month. Together.” “That’s... not really fair... I could easily go on holiday with you for a month, but your side of the arrangement won’t be so easy.” “I will handle it. The point is, you’re gonna be there, whatever crazy events you drag me to. Well, is it a deal, then?” I asked, holding out my hand for him to shake. “Desperate, self-confident, short-sighted, crazy…” muttered my beloved, letting me out of his arms to shake my outstretched hand. "Well… I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not," I grinned, feeling that I got involved in something that could cost my nervous system dearly. Screw it. We'll get through this. "Are you absolutely sure about this?" he asked. My palm was lost in his, but the handshake itself had not yet happened. “Oi, stop being a gentleman here! The lady is sure," I replied and shook his palm before he could move it. “Oh, man!”, I immediately gasped, feeling a firm handshake in return. “An aging Kiwi, you say?”  He just chuckled. "You're absolutely insane, but you're mine," he said with tenderness in his voice, releasing my slightly numb hand and pulling me into a warm embrace.   The week passed, full of nervous energy. My nervous energy. My beloved was calm. He didn't believe it. I didn't believe it either, but in a completely different way — how someone can be so blind as not to understand the obvious — t's not a matter of age. Not at all. The person I see day by day is full of strength and energy. Hell, life is bursting out of him! Sit still for thirty minutes? Oh, come on! I can count on one hand the number of time’s that’s ever happened! Unless, of course, he was exhausted on set. Idiots, there are just blind idiots everywhere! The final day has come when everything will be decided. To say that I was nervous is a catastrophic understatement. That day I tried not to touch anything at all. Out of harm's way. And he was called somewhere. So I wandered around the house like a shadow, standing at the windows, looking out, but not really seeing anything. I was startled when I heard the front door slam. Oh gosh, I am so nervous I don’t know what to do with myself. "My dearest one!" A loud exclamation filled the extremely tense silence in the house. "Are you home?" Where the hell else would I be? Of course I’m at home. I need to get ready. His mood is good, judging by his tone. I crossed my fingers, shook my head to pull myself together and went downstairs. "Hi! Yes, here I am." An unexpected smile crept onto my face. It's absolutely impossible not to smile back at him. It's contagious! "You're happy," I said. "Well, why wouldn't I be happy? We are going on holiday tomorrow, for a month, as you wanted."  It seemed impossible to smile wider, but not in this case. The world around us suddenly seemed to be filled with bright sunlight. "What?.. On holiday? Did they call you?!" I asked in a suddenly hoarse voice, no longer believing myself that it had actually happened. "They called," he nodded. "You were right, my crazy one," he said, hugging and kissing my forehead. "You didn't by any chance put the director up to it, did you?"  "Did I do what? Put him up to it?! How could I have done that?" I was indignant. "I don 't even know him.."  "Hush, hush, I'm joking," he replied, chuckling. "He said that it was a misunderstanding. That he sees only me in the role of the main character. Even agreed to wait for a month, can you believe it?" My beloved shared his impressions, still not really believing that he got the call. "And you? What did you say? You agreed, right? God, of course you agreed - they will be waiting for you. So this is great news!" I wanted to jump for joy. The role really was written as if for him and him alone. "That's right," he nodded, and suddenly, dropping his hands on my waist, he lifted me off the floor and spun me around, unable to contain his emotions.  "Ouch, you'll drop me! Put me down!"  Laughing happily, he lowered me down, hugging me tightly, burying his nose in my hair. I could feel his heart pounding with joy, as he was still slightly shaken by the news. It was the same for me. "I wasn't expecting it, though," he said softly. "I didn't believe it. I thought that was it…"  "Tell me... you didn’t, by any chance, record the conversation, did you?"  "I knew you'd want to hear it!" he laughed with satisfaction. "It was completely by accident, though, I didn't even realize what I was doing. But yes, as luck would have it, I recorded it."  "Why are you wasting time, then? Let me hear it!" Smiling contentedly, he reached into his pocket for his phone. After unlocking and tapping a little, he found the record and pressed play. — Mr. Urban?  — Yes. What is it? — I'm calling regarding the script. This is the casting director speaking. If you remember, you came to us a week ago.  — Right. — I would like to apologize. There was a huge misunderstanding. Are you still considering doing this movie? In the lead role? — ...  — I understand your concerns, after all that has happened, but I want to assure you that I am not considering anyone else for this role except you. You're perfect for it! — Thank you, I'm glad to hear that, but I can't start filming right now… — Yes, of course, I understand. Sure. I am willing to wait if you agree. — I agree. To tell the truth, I really liked the script and the main character. But I'm busy for about another month or so. — That’s not long at all. No problem, Mr. Urban. I'll be waiting for you. When would it be suitable to send through a contract? — Hmm... Please, send it to my lawyer for review. I will sign it before we start filming, if there is no delay. — Thank you, Mr. Urban! We will try to take into account all your wishes. Thank you for agreeing and once again I offer my sincere apologies for the original confusion. All the best! — Thank you. Bye.