You could understand me

Ches will never understand this damn life! He won’t be able to understand Glam’s decision… How could he?! Replace fame, prospects, performances, your long-time friendship with Ches with some woman! Ches screams at Glam like never before in his life. He pours out his bitterness, resentment and anger on the head of his, as always, imperturbable friend. They always achieved everything together, went through all the tests together, and now it turns out that Glam can have his own life, his own path… And this fact leaves a very strong bitterness in Ches’s soul, because Ches has long been accustomed to the fact that they always together, inseparable… Ches is offended, hurt to the point of pain in his heart… Glam asks to understand him, but Ches cannot understand him and does not want to, because Glam let him down… The peak of the quarrel comes at the moment when Ches receives a slap in the face from Glam, who was defending his ephemeral future lover. Along with the slap in the face, something also bursts and explodes in Ches’s soul. He runs out of their room, rubbing his cheek angrily, and gets into his car in a huff. But today it was as if the whole universe was against him: the ignition key stubbornly refuses to put the car into working condition. It’s as if fate itself doesn’t want to let him go… Glam looks at him sadly, asks if his friend really wants to leave, and this question for a short moment touches Ches’s heart a little, for a second doubt envelops him in a slight haze, but the resentment that, like a flame, burns his chest from the inside, turns out to be stronger. And as soon as the engine finally shows signs of life, Ches immediately abruptly tears the “Panther” from its place… His fingers grip the steering wheel tightly and his heart is still pounding in his chest. A sudden thought of returning, briefly flashing through the mind for a moment, is immediately destroyed and thrown far into the recesses of the soul, in favor of wounded pride, selfishness and resentment. Anger is still pulsating too brightly in Ches’s temples… Ches is angry, he presses the gas pedal and the “Panther” takes him away: away from the traitor Glam, who traded him for a woman, away from disappointment, towards, as it seemed to him then, happiness, fame and recognition… From time to time, pain seeps in between outbursts of rage. Ches is very pained that this is the final end, the end of his friendship with Glam. Remnants of regret envelop Ches’s consciousness with ghostly threads, creating an impenetrable lump in the throat and leaving a vile, bitter aftertaste… His attempt to calm his nerves with the help of the radio fails and only brings a new outbreak of rage. The program dedicated to “Monsters on Stage” only adds fuel to the fire of Ches’s resentment. They ruined his brainchild, ruined the songs and quickly erased him, the author of all these songs, from their memory. How embarrassing and insulting it was to listen to how this scoundrel Leo ruined one of his songs with his terrible voice! Ches stubbornly suppresses the voice that whispers to him that only he and his addiction are to blame for this. Ches, in a rage, tears the tape recorder out of the panel and throws it out the window. To hell with them all! Lordi and Bob weren’t particularly important figures in his life. But Glam… I wonder if Glam will forget him easily too? Will he forget everything they went through together? Ches shakes his head, driving away the treacherous burning sensation in his eyes, and tightens his grip on the steering wheel. Let them all go to hell! They all think that he can’t live without them?! That he won’t achieve anything without them?! They wrong! Ches will still prove: to himself, to Glam, to Bob and Lordi, to his former manager, he will prove that he can achieve recognition and become something big without their participation! And the car continued to drive away into the distance… The Ches had long since stopped counting how much time has passed since he started working for Paul’s new manager. How much time has passed: a week? Month? Year? The days dragged on one after another, like viscous molasses, but nothing brought joy. It would seem that everything is in order: people like his music, his voice, they envelop Ches with a wave of love and such desired recognition, but for some reason Ches is tired of everything, although he tries his best to deny it. To hell with it all! Ches tells himself, performing over and over again in clothes he doesn’t like at all, playing music that doesn’t move him at all, and staying in a band whose name he can barely remember. He tries his best to convince himself that everything is okay, breaking himself again and again and silencing his principles that are trying to break through and awaken his pride. Ches is disgusted, disgusted with himself and with what he has become: a hunter of fame, recognition and money. Concerts no longer bring the former euphoria, pride and joy, they have no soul… Desperate melancholy is slowly eating away at the soul of Ches. He looks in the mirror and no longer sees his former enthusiasm in his eyes. But still… To hell with it all! Screams Ches over and over, hanging out with band members whose names he doesn’t even remember. He ignores the pain in his chest and the noise in his head that has been haunting him all evening. It is important? He is fine. He doesn’t miss Glam at all, the old days of performing with the old band… Ches desperately continues to pretend that everything is fine, he pretends that his heart is not torn in his chest from sadness, and longing does not squeeze his throat, depriving him of oxygen. He is not at all alone. There is no gaping emptiness in his soul at all. Is not it? So… To hell with it all! Ches repeats this over and over, once again inhaling the white powder that poisons the mind and consciousness. Glam is no longer in his life, and with him the prohibitions and promises disappeared. There is no one else for whom it is worth trying and controlling yourself. Nothing and no one is holding Ches back anymore. To forget about everything is what he wants most now, and Ches does not deny himself this desire. With every breath, the pain in the chest intensifies, and the noise in the head and ears almost drowns out people, music and all other sounds, which are now simply muffled, as if coming through thick water. And with every second the heart begins to beat faster and faster in a frantic rhythm. Ches no longer understands who he is talking to or what he is talking about. He only understands that his interlocutor was a girl who recently met him, counting on an interesting continuation of the acquaintance. She is just one of thousands of equally annoying and easily accessible fans. Ches automatically answers her questions, pours out his soul to her, but this doesn’t make it any easier… At one point, Ches realizes that he can no longer endure this, he simply cannot bear all these emotions alone: ​​neither mentally nor physically. Another puff causes a pain in his chest that takes his breath away and sends a sharp wave through his body. Inside, it’s as if something is painfully breaking into a thousand pieces, sending a sharp flash of pain through his head. Everything floats before Ches’s eyes, and then his consciousness floats away… For some time, Ches is shrouded in darkness, through which the sound of a soft, painfully familiar voice then breaks through… But Ches, in some unimaginable way, a real miracle, survives, returning from the other world. Life, to Ches’s surprise, gave him a second chance. Or is he no longer the second? In any case, nothing is over for Ches yet, and he still has a chance to correct his mistakes, and there is still time to rethink a lot… Although the soft call of his mother still resonates in his heart, Ches understands that it is too early for him to die, he still wants to achieve a lot in his life… When the doors to his hospital room open on the second day, Ches is once again convinced that the universe still loves him. Glam stood on the threshold with an unreadable expression on his face. At first glance, he seemed like an oasis of calm, but his slightly trembling hands and tight smile immediately gave him away. Glam silently comes up and sits on the edge of the bed. An oppressive silence reigned between them, and in these painful seconds Ches realizes that there is no resentment left against him, and an understanding also comes of how much he missed him… — Glam, — Ches called quietly to his friend after a moment of silence, causing Glam to flinch and then turn to him, allowing Ches to meet his gaze directly. The look of his blue, cold, icy eyes makes Ches involuntarily draw his head into his shoulders and droop, and the lack of a smile on Glam’s face frightens him so much that even Ches cannot say which expression on his friend’s face frightens him more: Glam’s angry face or his eternal smile. Evil Glam could be seen quite rarely, because it was really difficult to anger him, which made his rage especially frightening and chilling in its coldness, sharp as a dagger. — What were you even thinking about? — Glam muttered, continuing to look angrily at Ches, — what have you brought yourself to?! It seemed that the trigger for Glam was the sound of his own name from a friend’s lips, like a red rag to a bull. Glam flared up like dry brushwood from a small spark… — You almost died, do you even understand that?! — Glam’s voice has become lower in sound, but no less loud, he rarely screams and breaks down like that, apparently, the threat of losing his best friend has unsettled him greatly. Glam begins to breathe more often. — You promised, — he adds reproachfully, replacing the angry look with a condemning one. Ches doesn’t need to explain what his friend means. A feeling of guilt immediately appears inside, causing his face to turn red. — Glam, I… — Ches tries to weakly justify himself and explain himself to his friend, but he is interrupted. — You promised, — Glam repeats, emphasizing each word and his hands clenching into fists. A flash of retaliatory anger instantly flares up inside Ches. As you know, the best defense is an attack. — And what?! Mister Correctness! You are not better! I don’t need to read lectures and morals now! Damn moralist! You left everything for a woman! Forgot about our friendship! You could understand me instead of treating me! Ches ends his tirade, breathing heavily. — You too, — Glam answered in a dull voice after a second of silence, — you too could understand me from the very beginning, just once, but instead you decided to leave like the last egoist, because it was more convenient for you. I didn’t hold you back, thinking that it would be better for you, but in the end you almost died… I was very afraid of losing you and you returned in the most miraculous way, but it seems that I have already lost you, I couldn’t save you… — at the last phrase Glam’s voice trembled, and a treacherous shine appeared in the corners of his eyes. — It’s a pity, it’s a great pity… Glam gets up and heads to the door, and Ches stares after him for a painfully long time. Last chance, last chance for reconciliation, because in another second, and Glam will leave, in another second, and nothing can be fixed… — Glam, — he calls quietly, — wait, come back. Glam freezes, but doesn’t turn around. — I know I’m a bad son, a bad friend… — says Ches, — I screwed up, I know, but I would really like you to forgive me, because I have no one but you, I was always afraid of loneliness. And then you got this woman and you didn’t come, and without you the audition didn’t work out… Heh, I don’t want to lose you either, I’m very guilty, Glam, I know that you gave up your dream for me, huh I… I couldn’t and didn’t even want to support you at the right moment, to rejoice, to accept the fact that you now have another special person besides me… I’m very sorry that everything turned out this way, Glam. I’m really glad to see you, and… I missed you, buddy. Glam turns around and looks at his friend. His gaze is no longer as cold as before, and a warm smile appears on his lips. — I missed you very much too, Ches, — he says quietly, returning to Ches’s bed, — and I’m very glad that you’re back… It was as if a stone had been lifted from their shoulders, because it is very difficult to endure quarrels and insults with a dear person one, but reconciliation made them feel much lighter. Glam and Ches chatted for a long time, telling each other what had happened to them during the time they had not seen each other. Only now Ches saw that Glam also had bandages in some places. Glam had to tell the whole story of his acquaintance with Vicky, and now it was Ches’s turn to scold his friend. — Of course, I know you’re crazy, but I didn’t think it was that serious, — he frowned, but when he saw his friend’s wide smile in response, he simply gave up and rolled his eyes, — I hope it was worth it. — Ches with a short sigh. — Oh yes, it seems that she and I are starting to get a little closer, I already see a lot of progress in our relationship! — Glam says enthusiastically, — I already know that she really loves beer: light, unfiltered, and she also loves fried bacon and grilled steak. And motorcycles are her main passion. Oh, Ches, you should know, she is so beautiful, she has so much expression, passion, sincerity, and she is also so rude, but despite this, she is very charming and… — Okay, stop, I already understood, that’s enough, — Ches smiles and raises his hands in the “I give up” gesture, — you met a nymph along the way, no less, — then, laughing good-naturedly, he adds, — My friend fell in love, this is madness. At this phrase, Glam smiled wider, and a dreaminess appeared in his eyes. — If you want, I’ll introduce you to her, — Glam enthusiastically looks into his friend’s eyes, to which he waves his hands negatively. — No, come on later, Glam, in my condition they don’t meet women, — Ches points to himself, — but you can show me your beloved from afar. And yet, I’m interested to see who made my friend lose his head like that, — the brown-haired man laughs quietly. — Okay, — Glam answers in his own manner, — today we agreed to sit on a bench near the hospital, — Glam gets up and looks out the window, — you can see her right from your window. — Great, — Ches replies, while Glam looks at his watch and then at his friend, to which Ches smiles knowingly. — Go already, Romeo, — he jokes with a kind smile, and Glam, waving goodbye to him, leaves the room. Ches, meanwhile, carefully gets up and, slowly rolling the IV behind him, goes to the window. On the bench he actually sees a red-haired girl smoking, who is clearly waiting for someone. After a minute of observation, one of the doctors approaches her, apparently to make a remark about smoking on the hospital grounds. But he immediately has to run, because the unlucky doctor is almost hit on the head with a crutch amid the angry screams of the red-haired woman. Chas was sure that she was now swearing very strongly. The doctor is lucky that she is not able to catch up with him now, because the matter would not have ended with just curses. — Ha, cute girl, — Ches said to himself, laughing nervously and scratching the back of his head. After another ten seconds, Ches notices Glam going outside. The girl notices him and waves her hand welcomingly, after which Glam sits down next to her and they begin to chat. Ches notices that his friend is showing off his drawings, and the girl giggles cutely and blushes looking at them. — Pickup artist, — Ches says, chuckling good-naturedly as he continues to watch the couple. The smile never leaves his lips, because these two look very cute together. — Haha, it looks like there will be red-haired children after all, — Ches suddenly laughs, remembering the phrase that he threw at Glam in a fit of anger. Ches watches the happy sparkle in Glam’s eyes, the way he smiles: warmly, sincerely, and suddenly realizes that he is very happy for him. Glam is happy and truly in love, and the brown-haired man sincerely wishes him luck. Ches still doesn’t really understand his friend’s condition, but promises to find strength within himself. He will definitely find the strength to understand Glam. Glam found his happiness off stage and performances. This means that Ches will be able to find his place and a new meaning of life in this world…