Loss of hope

The night was clear. Although a light haze shrouded the roofs of houses and the tops of trees, this did not stop the young girl from looking at the stars. Each of them was individual and completely different from the others. True, looking from afar, many would not say so. Many have been misled into thinking that these white dots had no difference, but upon closer inspection their minds would become clearer. Taking a closer look and knowing the depth of each seemingly insignificant star, you would see a huge, colorful and completely extraordinary world. The starry sky was the remaining piece of Valerie’s inner world that irrevocably collapsed a few hours ago. A tear rolled down the girl's cheek and fell onto the log with a dull sound. This fleeting sound sounded like a strangled pain in the girl’s head, and her consciousness was again transported to the events of the last days. A meeting with the highest moon, a dead teacher, extinguished hope and the death of relatives. All these sad events choked the young girl with despair and grief from all sides, not allowing her to breathe. Rengoku Kyojiro, a man with a bright smile that can single-handedly illuminate almost the whole world. A person who instills confidence in a bright future and never lets one lose hope. She was no exception when, on that cold morning, he agreed to become her teacher and promised to help avenge his parents. Since then, as he promised, they trained day after day, sparing no effort, and hope reignited in her heart.After she successfully passed the demon slayer exam, Rengoku even occasionally took her on missions with him in order to develop her skills and adapt to any circumstances. On such missions, there were cases when one of their duo was hurt, and then late in the evening, they treated each other’s wounds. On one of these evenings, emotions got the better of Valerie, and when she once again began to treat the wounds, tears poured out of her blue eyes. Looking at the wounds, the girl imagined that right now the teacher would smile and die from loss of blood or any other reason. Then, Rengoku gave his student his word that he would not die at least until Muzan Kibusudji was defeated. The only pity is that even the best and most honest are not always able to keep their words. The teacher’s dying smile reappeared before her eyes, one of those same nightmares that haunted the girl with every teacher’s wound. Kyojuro always smiled. This gave people blind faith in a bright future, and the opportunity to deny the dark reality. Even the awareness of imminent death, and the crazy look of the third highest moon, could not take this away from him. Akaza, as the demon who killed Rengoku proudly called himself, rejoiced and retreated into the forest immediately after the victory, albeit completely unequal and dishonest. The girl still could not accept the death of her teacher. It seemed that now he would climb onto her roof and send her to bed, not forgetting to remind her about tomorrow’s training. But no, it won’t remind me today. And tomorrow, most likely, too.The breeze ran across the tear-stained girl’s face, and then through her hair, which subsequently became quite disheveled. I remembered the fun days when, after a completed mission, Kyojuro ruffled her hair in the same way, laughing cheerfully and praising the skill of strikes in various techniques. Did she know then that she would now remember those days with such pain in her heart? No. I definitely didn’t know, although I was afraid of it more than anything else. Kyojuro, replaced her father, whom she lost in early childhood. Loud pops were heard in the distance, followed by flashes of color. The main colors of the fireworks were yellow and red, which spoke of the memory and honor given to Rengoku. An unpleasant feeling ached in the chest of the word. The realization that I had lost the closest person in the whole wide world pressed and suffocated me from all sides. She will no longer ask him for advice, will not fight together, will not laugh at stupid jokes. She won't see him again. Never. Suddenly, she felt a soft touch on her shoulder, and sharply pushing the hand away, she jumped up and looked around. Then, this someone staggered and took a step forward, standing under the light of the moon, giving the girl the opportunity to see his face. In front of the girl stood a young swordsman named "Tanjiro Kamado". Side by side with him, she had that fateful mission when Rengoku died. The girl was about to exhale, slowly realizing that in front of her was just Tanjiro, and everything was fine, when she suddenly realized that due to the sharp rise she was losing her balance. The girl frantically waved her arms, trying to catch him again, and closed her eyes in horror from the subsequent fall. True, the fall never followed. The swordsman held her hand tightly, preventing her from falling. - Be careful! It's high here, so if you fall you won't get away with a simple bruise. - Tanjiro’s soft and at the same time soothing voice rang out. Straightening up sharply and regaining her balance, the girl looked gratefully at the guy, who immediately began to look closely at her face. From such a close examination, just yesterday the girl would certainly have been embarrassed, but now, she had no time for any embarrassment. Now, she was only grateful to him for her “salvation”, because she still would not have had time to group adequately, which means she would have received several injuries. Valerie looked closely at Tanjiro. The guy had burgundy hair that smoothly turned into black, and weightlessly touched his broad shoulders. He was dressed in the standard demon slayer uniform, and a green haori with a black checkered pattern. And although he was not much taller than the girl, the difference was still felt. - You smell hopeless and lost. - the guy’s quiet voice suddenly rang out, “I understand that it’s not easy for you now.” Well, it’s not easy for you at all. But no matter how difficult it may sound, you need to move on. He was your mentor, and I'm sure a very wonderful one. Rengoku was amazing. - Tanjiro looked into the tear-stained eyes and gently placed his hand on the young swordswoman’s shoulder. - Remember him as he was, and try not to think about him. This will only hurt you more. The main thing is don't forget it.This is the best you can do. Having consulted with her rational side, the girl would certainly have come to the understanding that the guy was right, but now, she had no time for meetings. How dare this guy tell her how wonderful Renguku was? How dare he tell her not to think about him? - What do you even understand? You must have had a happy childhood with your parents and friends! I don't have one! I never had friends; everyone considered me too vulnerable and “soft” for friendship. And my parents were killed when I was not even seven, before my eyes. The demon wanted to kill me too, but the hashira who arrived in time prevented this, and the demon left me only an ugly scar on my back. I just lost my parents, and this same hashira didn’t let me sink into despair and die! I was six, at that age I was not capable of making a fire! And Rengoku, the same hashira, taught me this. He taught me everything. He was with me in all my hard times and always helped me! Despite my harmfulness, he still trained me, and every time he repeated that I would succeed! - Moments began to flash in the girl’s head one after another when Renguku encouraged the little girl who considered herself incompetent. - You don't understand, Tanjiro. I owe him my life. I can't help but think about who sacrificed part of themselves to protect us, including me. And most importantly, I didn’t do anything, although I could have. Who knows, maybe if I had intervened, this battle would have ended differently. Almost screaming throughout this monologue, Valerie slowly felt how she felt a little better.She didn’t share with anyone how important Renguku was to her, and didn’t plan to, but now... She needed it. Finally, Valerie turned her gaze to Tanjiro, who now looked extremely sad. Immediately the girl regretted that she had even started talking about this topic, because Tanjiro was not to blame at all. She shouldn't have spoken so rudely to him, and mentally, the girl was already preparing for insults in response, but instead, Tanjiro just sat down on the edge of the roof and slowly turned his gaze to the starry sky. The swordswoman hesitantly sat down next to her. - My parents... Also died at the hands of a demon. Just like my sisters and brothers. At this time, I was sleeping peacefully with a man who politely offered to spend the night with him the previous day. Sometimes, I blame myself for not being with them then, because I could have fixed everything, but then... - Tanjiro exhaled sadly and turned his head in the opposite direction from me, - I understand that I would not have fixed anything. Only he would have died, as most likely Nezuko would have died. Then I didn’t have any skills that would be even ten percent equal to the strength of a demon. So to some extent I understand you. And I know that this won’t go away quickly, but someday, I promise, you will recover from this. At that moment, I felt incredibly ashamed of the words that I had said minutes earlier. He didn't deserve to be treated that way and I was wrong to take it out on him. But his words were exactly what I needed. The very same missing puzzle of hope that Renguku had previously given me was now being given to me by Tanjiro. At this moment, Tanjiro turned to me and smiled again, but just below the edges of his eyes one could see redness caused by several tears. At that moment I wanted to hug him, which I did. The sad day ended with the hugs of two people who lost the most precious thing they had so early. But also having found a beginning and hope for a new, equally dear one. Each of us has problems. Sometimes unsolvable, but in such situations the main thing is one thing. Do not leave everything to the mercy of fate, and do not give up, falling into the abyss of oblivion. The main thing is to move on, no matter what the cost.