Butterfly effect

How much time has passed? A year? Maybe one and a half? He doesn’t remember. He lost track of time after he returned home devastated. Or rather, what he called home. Minho was the home. Now there is no home. He’s alone. Han is alone. Han was sitting on a chair that stood in the middle of an empty room, looking out the open window. Or rather, on Minho. They agreed to talk through the window every day. And Jisung heard him, even talked to him. Neighbors constantly came complaining that Han was mumbling something all night and preventing them from sleeping. The thin walls let in the slightest rustle. Why didn’t they have the courage or the audacity to come and express their dissatisfaction when Minho was still here and they were having fun with Han (in another sense of the word)? All the neighbors knew that Han was slightly crazy, well, not slightly, but very much. He could talk to himself on the street, in the store or at the cinema. He could talk to a child and start telling stories about two guys, one of whom died during an accident, leaving his beloved boy on earth and passing into Another world. The moms who saw it spat in his direction and ran away as far as possible, and Han did not understand why they were leaving. “You’re going crazy, asshole. Han says to himself, again out loud.” Jisung was walking home from the store, he bought sparkling water and waffles. If he liked alcohol, he would buy it, but fortunately or unfortunately, he does not use it. Waffles made him fall in love thanks to Ho. Now, Han eats them almost every day. Jisung counts down the days when he decides to go to Ho, but in the meantime he counts how many tons of waffles he has eaten during that time, where there isn’t Ho. *** -Lee, you have excellent architect skills, I’m amazed! I’ll see you at the office tomorrow, at eight! Unthinkable, magic! -Th-thank you, Director. Minho left the office and happily walked out of the office. Today he was promoted, and therefore in salary! Finally, now she and Ji sung can buy a nice house and not deny themselves anything! Their parents didn’t accept homosexual relations, which means they had to leave them in order not to interfere with either themselves or them. Minho had to get a job to at least rent a house. Well, a job, a side job, no more. But they had enough. Enough, until this fateful day. Minho opened the exit door of the building and headed for the pedestrian crossing. After writing a couple of lines to Han that he would be coming soon, Ho put the phone in his pocket. Pressing the traffic light button to speed up the change of red light to green, Minho waited. When the traffic light turned green, Minho stepped onto the road. After taking a couple of steps, Minho looked back to the left. All the cars were standing, letting him through. But a sudden jolt and impact on the asphalt changed everything. Ho will never know how it happened. But Jisung, who rushed to the scene a couple of hours later, found out about everything. He learned about how a heavy gazelle drove into a passenger car at high speed, and by inertia they pushed forward and crushed a pedestrian. How ironic. The guy followed the rules, the cars in front of him were respected, and this cunt on his gazelle fucking ruined the life of a young guy and just killed. Unintentionally, but killed. Feelings fought for emotions that wanted to arise on Han’s face, but it looked so indifferent that it seemed that it was not the most expensive person who died, but the dog was crushed. Although, even if it was a dog, it would also be a shame. And if it had been a dog, Han would have felt sorry for her and forgotten. But this… this is what he was afraid to see from the first day of their dating, from the first day of their kiss and the first night. This is something he would never wish on a loved one. On the contrary, he would try to protect. He didn’t. He didn’t save. He didn’t come. He didn’t do what he had to. Therefore, emotions appeared on his face only after another couple of hours — after the death documents were processed and after the young body was taken to the morgue. When Han crossed the threshold of the apartment and fell to his knees, tearing his throat with his loud cry of despair. They say he just slammed the door in the face of the neighbors who came to ask him what the fuck he was yelling. Let them continue to enjoy their everyday affairs, he is not up to their lives. His life has gone.

***

-Hey, Minho, let’s go, get the toys. — A soft female voice spoke. Han turned to the side of the woman who pronounced the name of her once beloved guy. He doesn’t know if he’s reborn, or in paradise… It doesn’t matter. It is important that he is not a person anymore. The soul is eternal, the body is not. Minho said so himself. Jisung went to the side of the mother with the child and greeted the baby. -Ho, is that you? Are you serious? Jisung even noticed the resemblance. Maybe he was reborn after all? Maybe Ji can remind him of his past life? -Minho, do you remember me? It’s me! -Young man, what are you talking about? My Minho and I are seeing you for the first time! “Minho, you remember me, you remember me, right?! -Are you crazy? Go away! The woman took the child in her arms and walked away. The child, looking over her shoulder, stared in bewilderment at Ji, who fell to his knees and stared at the floor. Again it was night and again Jisung sat down on a chair to look at Ho and talk to him. He wants to discuss the meeting with the child. Is it really him? Jisung imagines that Ho is answering his questions, but in fact he is just looking at bright dots in the sky and collecting an image of his beloved from them. -I’m tired of everything… I’m delirious, how long will this last? Maybe it’s time? What’s the use of waiting? Everyone thinks I’m crazy, I’m just in the way. I think this day has come. Ji got up from his chair, took out the waffles and water from the bag and opened the package of sweets. After taking a bite, he began to climb to the roof of the house. He preferred flying from a height rather than an autopsy, it hurts, he thought. And here you die under the gaze of thousands of stars, they accompany you on your last journey and sparkle, welcoming you to a new world, hitherto unexplored by anyone. Washing down the last waffle with soda, Han sat on the edge. He enjoyed the music of crickets and the hum of the city. Soon he will stop hearing this silence, and will plunge into peace and tranquility, where Ho is waiting for him. Han got up and stood on the edge. He put the empty bottle behind him. With his arms outstretched and his eyes closed, he counted the seconds before he decided to jump. -"No.” Han’s eyes widened. The voice that sounded in my head responded with terrible longing and pain in my heart, which accelerated to a breakneck speed in record time — in a couple of seconds. Han turned around, thinking that someone saw him and came to dissuade him. But there was no one. Writing off everything as a near-death hallucination, Han returned to what he had started. -"Jisoni, I said no.” -Be patient, I’ll be there soon, Ho. Ji had already forgotten that voice, so close, but so far away. And this nickname… he was only called that by… -Minho? Han turned around again, this time completely. Still, there is no one. -Stop torturing me! You left me without saying goodbye, and now, after all this time, you remind me how your beautiful voice sounded… Don’t torture me, I’m on my way. “Jisung, don’t do this. I’m next to you, how much more do I have to repeat? -You’re killing me! Morally! I’m… I’m broken! I want to see you, your face, your smile, your eyes… and not just your voice, which beats on the heart. “Jisung, stop it. If you knew that you could change everything, I would be with you.” -What? How could I change it? How could I have prevented your death? I didn’t know anything! Nothing! -"Now you know. How about watching the stars?” -I’ve been doing it every single day! There was no answer. -Hey, Ho? Tell me. Where are you? Silence again. -I knew I was delusional. Okay, whatever you want, Ho. Han sat down on the edge again and reached for an empty package of waffles. It turns out there’s still one left. Khan happily put it in his mouth. The stars were very different from the ones Han had seen in the window. There was something special, extraterrestrial about them. Suddenly one of them blinked and moved. The thought flashed through a delusional head: -Hey, look, the star is falling! Ho pointed his finger at the night sky. — I wish to be with you always! -Ho, do you believe in it? -Of course, the stars never lie! -Okay, this desire is so good after all. Han pulled Minho over and kissed her on the forehead. -They don’t lie, yeah. Your fucking stars lied! And they took you to themselves. But… maybe try it? What will I lose? Nothing. And I won’t get anything. The star began to fall. -"I want to go back to two thousand twenty-first year, fix everything” A bright dot slid across the dark sky and disappeared, taking away desire. -When should it work, Min? There is no answer. -Okay, I’ll wait. I’ll try to die tomorrow if nothing happens. Han went to bed. This is the first time that he sleeps normally, and does not look at the stars all night, sipping a bottle with sparkling water.

***

The awakening was different from the previous ones, it had never been so bright in his apartment before. He opened his eyes and immediately closed them from the light that splashed into his eyes. -Fuck, who opened the curtains? "Honey, are you awake?" You've been sleeping for a long time today... usually exactly half an hour earlier. The phrase, which seemed to be ordinary, made Khan almost jump on the bed. Yesterday was spinning in my head: the roof, the stars, Minho's voice... Minho's voice? Does he hear it now? - Jisung! Will you come there soon? Should I come to you myself? Han was huddled against the wall and clutching the blanket in his fingers. How? Is this a dream? But he's awake! Footsteps were heard in the room and He went in. -Hani, is everything okay? -M-minho..? Y-you? Alive... -Wait, what are you talking about? Maybe you had a bad dream? -What's the date today? — Ji almost jumped out of bed and unblocked the phone. Time: 7:20 Date: September 24, 2021. - Fuck... it's... hiseyes are filled with salt. Is it really true? But why does it hurt so much? - Minho, Minho, come here, please! Lee did as Han asked. Ji hugged him as hard as he could and sobbed loudly into his shoulder. - You... You're back, my God! Th-thank you, thank you very much, thank you! -Hani, what's wrong? Is the dream bad? Tell me... - I... I dreamed that you were dead. Accident... - It means I will live for a long time! If you dream of death, then it means a long life. - No, Ho. Your life is in my hands now. - I don't understand you. - When do you have to work? - In an hour. - I'm coming with you. Not discussed. Do you understand me? - But why, you could stay at home, relax... - NO! I DON'T WANT TO REST, I'LL BE WITH YOU THERE! - Hush, hush, don't shout, okay! You can come with me if you want to. Successfully. Han will create a butterfly effect, Ho will not die and everything will be fine. - Ho... - What? - Kiss me, please... Han looked so desperate and upset that Minho found no reason to refuse. Carefully approaching, he touched the lips of the youngest. Ji reacted so tremulously to the taste of his lips, because he hadn't felt it for so long... He answered hurriedly, trying to memorize every millimeter, every moment, just in case. Ji was pulling on Ho's lower lip, a trail of saliva started from it, which Han licked off. He pressed his lips to it again, desperate to feel the lips of Ho and him again and again. When Han pulled away, he pressed the elder's forehead to himself and closed his eyes. -...I missed you, Ho... -... — Minho just smiled at that. It's a pity he didn't understand what Han was so sad about, but he will definitely understand when Jison tells everything, but first we need to save him. To save from premature death... - Let's go eat? - said Minho - Let's go ... Han did not believe that this was real. He pinched himself everywhere as he went to the kitchen. Ho pulled over a plate of porridge and waffles. Sony began to eat as if he had never eaten such a thing and had not eaten enough. -Woah, have you fallen in love with waffles? - Yes, they are very tasty! This is the most delicious thing I've eaten. - I'm glad to hear that. After breakfast, Han went to work with Minho When they arrived, Han stayed in the lobby while Minho worked. Everything went the same as last time.

***

A few hours later, the working day was over and they left the office. -Imagine, Hani, I was promoted! Now we will have more money, we will not deny ourselves anything! "I'm very glad to hear that, Ho, stay close to me. -Well, well, but what's the big deal? We'll just cross the road. -"The road... NO, WAIT!" -Minho stop! Stay where you are until I give you permission! -Why, the light is green already! -I SAID STOP! EVERYONE STAND STILL AND DON'T GO ON THE ROAD! Jisung's scream merged with the terrible crash of metal and the sounds of a siren. The same gazelle that Jisung cursed to this day, drove into a passenger car, causing a chain reaction. Ho's eyes seemed about to fly out of their fucking sockets. Jisung just now... saved him? So that's what it was all about? Did Jisung know about the accident beforehand? But... It can't be... - Ho... we... I... - Jisung, you saved me... All of us... - Ho you're alive, you'll live! Thank God, thank the stars, thank you! Thanks for the second chance! Reality began to narrow, to leave from under Jisung's feet, and Minho began to move further away... - Ho? No, no, wait! Minho followed him with a puzzled look...

***

- Ah! I...! Woah... Han jumped up from his bunk and immediately lay back down. A bunch of devices connected to his body did not tolerate movement. - Oh. — the nurse jerked at the sounds that Jisung made when he woke up, and immediately ran into the corridor to call a doctor. Ji looked around and looked around the room around him. From top to bottom, he was overwhelmed with bewilderment. How did he end up here? Nothing is clear. He preferred to wait for a doctor who would explain everything, because Jisung himself could not move his leg or arm — everything hurt terribly. Five minutes later a tall doctor came into the room and said: - And here's our suicide bomber, actually. - Eh? What are you talking about? Did I jump after all? — memories gradually returned. -You were poisoned by pills for a headache. Must have mixed up the dosage? From now on, be careful, it may end badly! - Sir... — the nurse called the doctor and whispered something. - Oh, right. They will come to you soon, we have notified of your awakening. - Who's coming? - This man said he was really waiting for you to wake up and called you the most precious thing he has. The doctor left the room, the nurse followed him. What other dear person? It was a dream, it turns out? Ho's resurrection, second chance, butterfly effect? I just foolishly got drunk on pills and made up my mind. Maybe he's still out of reality? What's going on anyway? Where is the reality? The door of the ward swung open and He walked in... He is the cause of Ji's hallucinations. With brown eyes and dark hair. Noticing Ji's open eyes, he rushed to him and hugged him as much as possible. Jisung didn't understand anything, he needed to know all the details, he knows that this is all nonsense, and reality is far away... or not? He realized the truthfulness of what was happening only after he felt wet eyes on his shoulder, and then he heard sobbing in his ear. - Minho? It's you? - Sony... you remember me! It's incredible! Oh my God, I'm so happy that you're alive! How could you have been poisoned by pills, Ji, are you completely already?! I was walking home from work and they called me to tell me that you were in the hospital, I stopped in front of the road and an accident happened right in front of my eyes! But if I hadn't stopped... Thank God I was alone, none of the pedestrians were injured, but I do not know about motorists... - So it's not a dream? It's... What year is it, Minho?! Tell me urgently! - The twenty-first, and what does it change? -Wait, and my hair, what color are they? - Redheads, you dyed your hair recently, last month, like. Minho was already sitting on the cot and holding Jisung's fingers in his own. Ji's red hair stopped being red right after Minho's funeral. He repainted himself in black and walked in this color to this day. - Ho... is this reality? Tell me honestly. - What kind of questions? Reality, of course. - Ho, I love you. Now just come here. - Han pulled him into a kiss, in which he vented all his longing, which he kept in himself this time. He took it out on the lips of the elder and showed how the younger was bored. And he missed me very much. - I love you too. Very. My squirrel. Don't do that anymore, okay? - Got it, got it. - Han replied with a guilty smile.

***

The stars don't lie, they said. Jisung was able to see this from his own experience, but only after too much time. But he brought back that time, he brought back the lost years and will restore their time apart. He promises himself and Ho.