Perks of talking it through

She felt happy. Damn, this confidence in the coming day, this inspiration and enthusiasm were things she had truly been missing. The last few years were bumpy, to say the least: chaotic and full of doubt. Except for certain aspects — she smiled softly. Draco has entered her life at a point when she thought she was drowning under the weight of responsibilities she has taken upon herself.   Despite everyone’s expectations, he was no longer a spiteful prejudiced boy who used to torment her. She became reacquainted with a thoughtful and respectful young man who was struggling but nevertheless proceeding to work on his past mistakes. In time he became a person she could truly confide in, a partner who was willing to walk by her side no matter how thorny the path she chooses might be, a partner who was open enough to let her do the same for him. He wanted more though, she knew he did: to be more than a boyfriend, than a lover. When they first talked about making it official she knew she wasn’t in a good place to do it: an unfinished university degree, uncertain career path, piles of research tasks she needed to complete as a part of her work on Obliviation countercurse. The thought that starting a family might set her back or force her to give up some of her commitments terrified her. And, of course, Draco understood. The respect with which he had taken her decision didn’t help him to effectively mask his disappointment, though (not for the lack of trying on his part, but he was never really a good actor, was he?). Now however... She could barely contain her smile, honestly. She had finally finished a draft version of her master’s thesis (already approved by her academic supervisor, just so you know), and it was today’s morning when she finally received an official offer from McGonnagall. The position didn’t fully comply with the field of her studies, but it definitely was a place to start. More importantly, as a teacher she will be gaining a full unrestricted access to [THE GREAT] Hogwarts library and archives. It was going to provide her with far more instruments and data for her anti-obliviation research, she hoped.   It seemed everything was finally clicking into place. And she was going to frame that picture with something she has already thought through a thousand times. Unlike the other parts of her life mosaic, this bit was now completely in her hands. Quite literally: she felt the soft fabric of a velvet jewellery pouch in her pocket. Adding an ~a lifetime access to tickling a sleeping dragon~ engraving to a simple silver ring was a cute inside-joke she was quite proud of.

***

Hermione stumbled through the door of their London flat grinning from ear to ear, kicked off her boots and practically ran to the kitchen where the signal of boiled kettle tinkled only a moment ago. What she saw there, however, made that smile fly off her face in an instant. Draco, her lovely, always contained and reasonable Draco was pacing around the kitchen table, hair dishevelled, fingers tugging on the sleeves of his sweatshirt, eyes empty and unblinking when he finally noticed her. “What’s wrong, love?!” she blurted out already running through dozens of scenarios of what could have happened to cause him such distress. “Umm… I just—I…“ he leaned his slightly shaking hands on the back of the chair and drew a long breath in attempt to calm himself. “Can we talk about something?” he finally said after staring into the void for multiple seconds. “Sure. Of course we can, Draco.” Despite her attempt to act normally Hermione felt bile rising in her throat. Clearly something was really fucking wrong.  “I… I stumbled upon something among your things,” he murmured sitting down at the table a little awkwardly. She followed. “Please don’t think I was intentionally rummaging through your belongings, you know I’d never do something like that…” “I know, Draco,” she interrupted. “Sorry…” “Right… I had a horrific headache, couldn’t find pain relief potions in the cupboard, then remembered you always keep a few vials in your beaded bag. I didn’t have my wand on hand to just accio the potion from that black hole that your bag is, and you know when my headaches get bad I can’t really do wandless magic. So I decided to just search for it manually and…” he sighed, taking something out of his pocket and placing it in front of him. An opened Durex 12-pack was staring at her from the table accusingly. “Hermione, don’t get me wrong, I—I,” he stuttered slightly, “I have no right to throw any reproaches at you, I guess I’m just so… confused. We both are on fertility control potions and, as wizards, are not exposed to STIs, so I can’t imagine why you would have them in your purse unless…” “Draco, that’s…” she tried to interject, but he already started rambling and seemingly needed to pour out every thought that had run through his mind before she arrived. “I try to never assume anything, so I thought that maybe you just forgot them there, since the times we weren’t together yet, but, if I haven’t misread the expiration dates, they are new and…” he exhaled heavily looking out of the window and blushing slightly, “and I know that you’re open to polyamorous relationship model — and I don’t have any prejudice against it, one day I might be even curious — I just believed that it’s something you discuss together beforehand, and now there is a part of me which thinks that maybe I got it all wrong… What if you see our relationship in completely different way than I do? And, at the same time, I’m trying to figure out to what extent I’ll be willing to adapt if it turns out—“ “DRACO!” Hermione finally exploded. “Fuck, this is so stupid, how is it even possi…” she mumbled, rushing to the bedroom. Not a minute later she flew in again, so agitated she was practically cracking with magic, and all but smashed a pensieve onto their kitchen table [thank now-filthy-rich-and-generous-Harry for her 20th birthday present]. Ignoring her boyfriend’s dumbfounded stare, she pulled a single shining thread through her temple. “Here,” she breathed, pouring a memory into the silver bowl. “You can see yourself.” “Should I though?” Draco looked her straight in the eyes. Not blaming — searching for answers. “There’s no need to be cruel, Hermione, If you… I’ll just—” “Draco,” she held his gaze. “Have I ever given you a reason to think I could intentionally hurt you, mock you, make fun of your feelings like this?” “No,” he whispered. “Never.” “Watch it. Please.” So he did.

***

The Headmistress’ office looked cozy but modest, almost minimalistic. McGonnagall was sitting in a deep-green armchair, sipping tea slowly. In front of her on the plush sofa across the coffee table sat Hermione.  “Ms Granger, you are aware that our syllabuses are in desperate need of modernisation. The specifics of DADA and muggle studies teaching should be rethought. Also, I would like to introduce a few disciplines which will be completely new for Hogwarts curriculum. I believe that sexual education will contribute greatly to our students' safety and I hope to get your support on that matter, taking into consideration you psychology degree. Hermione,” she softened, “do you think you could be the one to conduct such classes?”  “I’m honoured by your offer, Headmistress. Teaching at Hogwarts is something I’ve dreamed of accomplishing ever since I stepped into the castle as a first year… I should warn you that children’s psychology is not an area of my expertise, but I’m quite confident that I can develop a study course on the sexual education basics, as well as on the main mental health concepts, which I believe will also be quite beneficial for teenagers.” “That would be fantastic, Hermione. We’ll need to arrange a public lesson though, to convince the ministry officials of the feasibility of introducing such innovations into the curriculum. It’ll probably be best to focus on safety basics during that first class.” “I agree,” Hermione nodded, “that’ll likely be the most effective way to prove the necessity of this course.’’  The space swirled in transformation funnel and in a matter of seconds Draco found himself in one of Hogwarts auditoriums. He saw Hermione pacing slowly behind the teacher’s table. “As you understand, consent is a cornerstone of safety of any sexual experience. There is still a lot to specify on that matter, but, as our today’s lesson serves as an overview of the whole course, I find it most suitable to review the health risks next. And here comes the concept of contraception.” Hermione snapped her fingers and several things appeared on the table, among which Draco saw that same Durex pack.

***

When he finally emerged from the pensieve, Hermione was sitting on the opposite side of the table, warming her hands around the tea cup. “I'm so sorry,” Draco panted. “So sorry for thinking Merlin knows what…” he outstretched one of his hands across the table for her to take. “Love, you have nothing to apologize for,“ she replied, starting to draw soft circles on his wrist with her thumb. “If anything, I should be the one apologizing for allowing something like this to happen, I just didn’t want to tell you before getting an official offer from McGonnagall, something stupidly superstitious on my part, I guess,” she giggled barely audible. “And Draco,” she suddenly looked at him seriously. “You’re absolutely right about polyamorous relationship being a matter of thorough discussion and boundaries establishment before deciding on it. I would never betray you trust like that…” “I know,” he raised from his seat abruptly, reaching for her. Now seated on the very edge of Hermione’s chair, he was whispering in her ear and stroking her waist and back tenderly. “I know you wouldn’t and I’m sorry for letting my own insecurities and emotions to take over. I guess I still can’t fully wrap my head around the fact you've chosen someone like me, of all people... I'm so afraid of loosing you.” “Someone like you?” she scoffed softly, “Someone loving, mature, tender…” she whispered, trailing light kisses across his face and neck. “Someone who lets himself be vulnerable, someone who will always listen to my side of the story before drawing conclusions, someone I can trust with my life, someone I love with everything I have?” Draco squeezed her tightly, burying his face in her fluffy curls. “I love you,” he sighed. “Merlin, I love you, Mione… Fuck, don’t have any words right now,” he murmured into her hair, “Wanna just hold you, never let go…” “Well… there’s still something I wanted to ask you,” she whispered with a tiny smile on her lips and pulled a little velvet pouch out of her pocket.