Berlin blood

December 1935 August stood on a snowy road early in the morning and breathed in the snowy air. It was easy for him, he met his last winter in prison, now nothing remained of these unpleasant memories either in his soul or in his subconscious. He remembered how happy he was. Two months passed after that quarrel with Charlotte, he tried to find out information from her brother Franz, since, oddly enough, he was his secretary. He didn’t even try to contact Agnet, because Franz was talking about how she settled down after Charlotte left. He wanted to know how she was in Paris, who she worked for and how she lived? What with her? He wanted to call and congratulate her on her birthday, which she spent alone, but he did not know her phone number. He watched the sun rise and remembered her. He needed her everywhere and in every step of everyone who turned to him in any way, he saw her image. He saw her everywhere. Now no woman could approach him; she was in his soul. Her photograph is in his pocket. He didn’t want to go home anymore: the house smelled like her. August didn’t wash the pillowcase on her pillow so he could smell the ghost of her hair, and he didn’t wash the mug either. He didn’t know if she would return and he wanted to believe that she had not forgotten him, that she had not buried him with hatred in her soul. He will wait for her, as he wrote in his last letter. — Oberscharführer August Scholz, your name is. The Reichsführer will arrive soon, you need to prepare,” Franz walked from the camp. Today the last camp is handed over and August will wait for the next orders. More and more, in order to somehow distract himself from thoughts about Charlotte, he began to immerse himself in work; it was important for him not to mix service and relationships. He is a soldier, emotions do not matter to him. He returned to this many times, and then realized that he was lying to himself. He lies blatantly, but he can’t do anything. “I’m coming, Franz,” he threw the cigarette butt on the ground and went to the camp; you can’t be late for a meeting with Himmler. Several columns of cars approached the camp. August was proud that Himmler himself was coming to see him. Not his secretaries, but him. He stood at attention. The car pulled up, stopped, and the secretary got out to open the door. Himmler got out of the car, as always in a black leather coat, and his secretary Hedwig came out with him. Both looked great, but seemed tired. As soon as they exchanged greetings, he immediately asked Augustus: — Oberscharführer August Scholz, are you ready? — an ironic half-smile played on Himmler’s face. “Of course, Reichsfuehrer, let’s go,” he pointed his hand in the direction of the camp. Passing by one of the blocks intended for the administration, Himmler stopped. This building was a canteen for SS officers. Himmler walked inside, glanced at the tables, examined the kitchen itself, the place where they would cook for them, and asked August: — Tell me, August, have you already eaten in this place? — No, Mr. Reichsfuehrer. — Tell me, what is the state of the kitchen now? — He put his folder on the table, and, pushing back the chair, sat down on it. “All the food is available, the prisoners will be brought here tomorrow.” And, officer, the camp is completely ready to open,” Augustus clearly understood that the Reichsfuehrer would want to do something like that, so Augustus had everything at hand. The last time he handed over the camp, Himmler wanted to see how the prisoners would feel in the barracks and what it would look like. Therefore, all the prisoners had to be brought in and put into beds. — Okay, let’s eat, I’m hungry, and you? — He looked at Augustus, clearly showing that this was not just like that. — Yes, of course, I will order food to be brought. — No, let your secretary do it. “Okay, as you wish,” August called Franz and ordered him to bring food. He knew the workers were cooks in the kitchen, so it wasn’t a problem. He himself, following a gesture from Himmler, sat down at the table. Himmler ate leisurely: it was his habit and everyone knew about it. Therefore, if you have an appointment in the afternoon, you will have to wait, and for a long time. However, Augustus took this calmly. When the food arrived, Himmler picked up a knife and fork and began to eat. August sat absolutely calm all this time, without the slightest anxiety. At such moments he could fall a little out of reality, however, as soon as the Reischführer said something, he quickly came to his senses. — Oberscharführer August Scholz, I am glad that justice has triumphed, but I must admit that the first time I was in a hurry with events. — Reichsfuehrer, I have learned to learn lessons from everything over the years of service, and even being in prison taught me something. — I’m glad, Scholz, that you became like this. Now let’s get down to business. The camp is built well and I am satisfied with everything. However, when you finish, I must tell you that I have something for you,” with these words he stood up, wiped his lips with a napkin and took his briefcase. “Give the report to Hedwig, I’ll be waiting for you at my place tomorrow.” — Yes! — He said goodbye and began to catch up with Himmler to see him off. *** “I think the delivery of the objects was successful,” August said this, addressing Franz. “Yes, Oberscharführer,” Franz behaved in a businesslike manner, not as before. He was not offended, in truth, that Charlotte left because he did not think it was right to judge their relationship, but Franz was upset that because of their relationship they were both under attack. He heard Agnet sitting, calling her sister at night and asking her to come. Charlotte refused and Agnet cried for a long time after that. She couldn’t insist, and besides, they understood that she needed to recover. “Franz, please don’t transfer your inner resentment onto me.” We both know that this was necessary,” August addressed Franz in a calmer voice. — Yes, I know, it’s just still disturbing. How did you let this happen? You are, as my sister called you, the Black Prince of the SS, you came to save her. How come you killed her? “Franz looked at him with his brown eyes. August looked for a long time and felt that Franz was picking at a wound that had just dried up. He looked away and said: — Okay, you’ll make a report for today and that’s all. Tomorrow we’ll go to the Reichstag to hand in documents,” he put on gloves, since it was cold outside. Evening was coming. The sun was setting. August did not want to go home; everything there drove him to memories of her. And he was already mired in them, he needed to escape for one more evening. He took the phone in the office, returned and, without taking off his coat, dialed a familiar number. — Rudolf! “August immediately began to greet his friend, as he was really glad to hear him. Of course, they, like everyone else, knew about the situation that happened to him, so the meeting was only a joy for them. — August? I haven’t heard from you for a long time. How are you doing? We haven’t seen you for a long time. — I’m fine. And it is for this reason that I propose to sit down today and discuss everything. Just tell me about you, otherwise I’m already starting to forget your faces. — OK. Today at seven thirty? “Yes, come on, okay,” August hung up the phone, sat down on a chair, took out a flask and drank from it. He was so afraid of loneliness. And so I ran away from him. However, now it was consuming him. With great power. He stood up, turned off the light and walked away. There was still time. August now loved silence. He could stare at the ceiling in his apartment for a long, long time, and then, after drinking a sleeping pill, quickly fall asleep so that the wave of loneliness would not overwhelm him. He went to the Brandenburg Gate. Looking at their greatness, it was easy to feel small. So tiny. A thought suddenly occurred to him. That the people we pay the least attention to are a big part of us and our lives. We never notice their kindness and their care, and sometimes we get angry at some of their actions, but it is they who change us after they leave. They leave, maybe for a while, maybe not, and take their soul with a part of ours forever. Approaching the cafe, he saw his friends who were heatedly discussing something, and suddenly caught himself with a terrible thought. What if this is their last meeting? They will all leave: Jens, Rudolf, Charlotte, if he returns, even Franz. We’re all alone. You just need to admit it and not run from it, go to bed before hysteria sets in, and not look at those who are happy without you, otherwise you will die even earlier. He went into a cafe and, approaching his friends, who had not noticed him for a long time, thought: “Look, August, at everyone who is dear to you, and carefully, because only in memories can you preserve them.” “Jens,” he put his hand on his friend’s shoulder and he flinched in surprise. “August,” he breathed out with relief. — Damn it, you scared me. “You don’t need to be so scared.” Rudolph… — he shook his friend’s hand and told the waiter to bring beer. — So, gentlemen, tell us who is doing what, who has what? — August took off his gloves and put them on the table. “Well,” the friends looked at each other, August felt uneasy. — Well? — He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Well, in general, I,” Jens pointed to himself. — joined the Wehrmacht and is now a commander. “Ohhh, congratulations, you finally got out, you deserve it,” August took a sip from the just brought mug of beer. “Thank you, but this is not the end,” Rudolf entered the stage. “I…decided…to transfer from the SS to the Kriegsmarine, therefore, starting tomorrow, I am a soldier in the navy,” he finished and looked proudly at his friends, August was in slight bewilderment. He didn’t expect this. “I didn’t expect this from you, Rudolf.” Well, I can only wish you good luck, I think you will achieve great success. — We will all achieve it. Do you have some new? — The friends looked at him. “Well, I just passed one more object and just received another award,” he said this with rony, deliberately making his friends smile. “Oh, August, watch out, don’t burst,” his friends threatened him in a joking manner. — Don’t worry, Himmler also said that he has some task for me, let’s see what’s there. — Yes, Augustus, you are regaining your former positions. — What are you talking about, I work well and am in good standing, that’s all. — You can become a close associate of Himmler, and then it’s not far from Hitler, but this is still the country’s elite. “Let’s not forget how hard it was for me to get this.” “Yes, you’re right,” the friends looked at him and a spark of envy flashed in their eyes. August caught it, but pretended that nothing had happened, from then on he understood: not a word more about the service, otherwise he would lose friends faster than he thought. He turned the conversation to another topic and everyone happily began to discuss the rise in prices for fuel for cars, the rise in price of the cars themselves and any equipment, as well as the conclusion of a number of economic agreements with some countries. The rest of the evening was spent in light arguments and discussion of girls of easy virtue, one of whom, having picked up Rudolf, took him away when they were getting ready from the cafe. They walked together with Jens like in the good old days, when they were first children and then teenagers, along the same roads and each thought about his own. Now both August and Jens realized that they had changed. No, they weren’t looking at each other as rivals just yet, although they didn’t know how long that would last. “August,” Jens suddenly decided to break the silence. — What? — Do you know that there will be a war? — August was shocked by such a statement. — You think? — August chuckled. — War? For what? And who needs it? — Yes, August. “No, Jens, it won’t happen, and if it does, I’ll survive… at least out of my mind,” August lit a cigarette. — War means promotions. “And I wouldn’t have much hope for her.” And I would build my well-being outside of this factor,” August took a drag and, blowing smoke from his mouth, looked at him. — Well as you know. August, in any case, I won’t mind,” he looked at him just as carefully. “Good night,” he stood with his back to his friend and walked towards his house, which was located nearby. “Good, August,” Jens spat on the ground and walked away with his back to his friend. Jens didn’t understand August. He knew that Augustus was not a military man, but he thought that his friend would share his views, and therefore he counted on support for his opinion, but he did not receive it. He walked and thought: maybe Love had changed his friend so much? Jens was not against relationships, but having made an oath to the Fuhrer, he definitely decided for himself that he would only build a relationship with a girl of his own race. And, re-reading the book upon returning home, he once again realized that he was going in the right direction. August didn’t like it all, oh, how he didn’t like it all. He was afraid of losing his friend, he was afraid that this would all have a very strong impact on them. The party had already begun to change them and their ideology, but he was afraid that he would be left completely alone. Returning home, he could not fall asleep for a long time because of Jens’ words. It was clear that many were counting on war, but certainly not Augustus. He understood that Himmler would tell him something tomorrow, and August really hoped that this something would not divide his life again into “before” and “after.” He closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. Waking up early in the morning, Augustus didn’t even have breakfast, only drank a cup of coffee, which he drank on the go. He was in a hurry, he needed to look perfect. He got dressed and, jumping out into the street, quickly started the car and drove to the meeting. He was very worried. He carefully drove up and noticed Franz, quickly walked towards him, straightening his cap as he went, which today, due to the strong wind, almost flew off his head. — Good morning, are you ready? — August said, opening the doors. — Not very good, what about you? — Franz showed the pass. “Okay, let’s not think too much,” they went to the second floor and walked along the corridor. “I heard that Himmler needs a man, a chief of security,” Franz said this when they almost turned to the office. — What? “August was simply taken aback; he quickly put all the puzzles together in his head. “Okay, wait,” he went to the waiting room alone. Franz remained outside, and was later asked to sit next to Joanna so as not to have to stand. He walked into the office and, as expected, greeted the owner. “Oh, it’s you, Oberscharführer August Scholz, sit down,” the Reichsführer pointed to the chair. “Remember when I told you that I have an order for you?” You know, August, you are an excellent worker and cope with your tasks, but I am forced to remove you from the post that you currently occupy. August felt a chill inside. How to remove? Why? He, without saying a word, began to wait for the continuation. “I want to see you…” he deliberately stalled for time. “I want to see you as the commander of my guard.” Your duties will include the Reichstag, as well as security in my house. Mostly accompanying me on trips, as well as my family’s trips. Do you understand what I’m saying? “It seemed to Himmler that he was somewhere not here.” — A? Yes, of course, I understand,” Augustus couldn’t believe it. He becomes the head of Himmler’s security. He began to float away, but kept his attention and understood everything. — Okay, then you can start work today. Go to the translation manager and ask for your folder, I will sign everything. After this, you can receive a new uniform, as well as get to know your responsibilities and staff directly. — Tell me, can I dismiss Adjutant Franz Braun? — Yes, you can. “Okay, thank you,” he got up from his chair and said goodbye properly, leaving, all glowing with joy. Himmler noted to himself that he would still be very useful both as a person and as an officer. He was right to bet on it. *** Charlotte sat on the balcony of her French apartment and wondered if she was ready to return to Germany again? Is she ready to stand in August’s doorstep again at Christmas time and say that she now loves him? She fiddled with the pendant he had included in that letter. Pendant in the shape of a globe. She kept wondering what this meant. She thought about a lot and understood a lot, she took a cup of tea, now she drank only that. She relaxed in France, but now it’s time to return. Charlotte thought it over again and called Agnet with the message that she would be spending Christmas at home.