From Inside: Adaptation with Pinkie Pie

      The new day started after a very long time. I looked around the room quickly enough and found nothing new. I wanted to go to sleep, but I couldn’t. I pulled the knob of the door that the pony had left behind and found that it was locked. And since I couldn’t sleep there, I decided to lie down on that big pillow. And whether it was uncomfortable or something else, I couldn’t sleep until the morning.       “Hey Dima, what did you do with my body while I was gone?”, my body roommate began.       I was actually understanding her now. My head ached a little, and I felt a little sleepy. I was also hungry. Badly.       “Didn’t do anything. Been walking around, looking around. What happened?”, I asked. 'Maybe the ponies have the same thing?       “Then why does my head hurt so bad, like I haven’t slept all night?”, she pressed her front hooves against her head.       “Maybe it was me after all? I’ve been here all night.”       “What could that have to do with it?”       “Well, look. If we’re two minds in the same body, then while one mind is sort of asleep, the other mind keeps loading the brain with processing work. And since technically the brain is still working, only the body is resting, and not really,” I told her my theory. How could I get it out of me without stuttering? I have no idea. But it sounded okay, I guess.       “Wo-o-ow!” she marveled, as if oblivious to the pain. “You’re just like Twilight. She’s really smart too. Maybe you two should meet?”, she suggested.       “No, don’t do this! Please. It was really just a theory I made up out of nothing to do,” I admitted.       And it was true. After a couple of hours of trying to sleep, my brain decided to give me instead its next attempt at analyzing everything. At the same time, I began to think about the possibilities and limitations I had discovered. The conclusion was simple — I had to go outside and look for an opportunity to move out of someone else’s head. How? I have no idea. I might be able to ask Pinky to take her place for a while, but that’s far from certain.       “You could come dreamwatching with me,” she said, pointing to the door. A funny, pink-painted wooden door with three colored balls on it. The same ones behind the sirloin of the pink ponygirl. A tattoo or something?       “Wanted to go in there, but couldn’t get the door open,” I replied. I was very curious as to what was in there, but a bummeringo bird flew in and banned that door.       “So what now? Am I just going to stay up all night like this? No, no, and no! I once tried to stay awake for days on end, and on the fourth day I collapsed and fell asleep.”       “I think we’ll figure something out. Don’t be afraid. You better tell me, what kind of world is this?”, I asked.       Yeah, I’ve read fantasy stories about people in other worlds, so there’s no point in panicking about it. I don’t remember how I got here, but if I don’t do anything about it, it’s going to be very sad for my psyche. I’m basically an appendage to a wind-up horse. So I’d better at least start exploring the new world.       I spent the next two hours trying to extract all sorts of information about my new location from her stream of words. All the while, she managed to keep bouncing around, making cupcakes, playing with the little ones, and purring a simple tune. A very multitasking pony.       As it turns out, there are no people here. None at all. Only mentions in myths and legends. It was depressing. It looked like there would be no wise wizards to help a man become a man.       I also found out that the main population in Equestria is ponies. And there are all kinds of ponies. There are earthponies that are just little horses like Pinky, there are regasi that I’ve even seen a glimpse of, and there are unicorns that I haven’t seen yet. By the way, the pony they wanted to turn me in to was a unicorn. The interesting thing is that all ponies have magic to some degree or another. MAGIC, FOR F**K’S SAKE! Even though it might be dangerous for me, I want one of those too.       The country is ruled by two “princesses” who are immortal horned winged horses. Sort of a mix of all types of ponies on steroids. One moves the sun, and the other pulls the local moon. Those two are definitely worth avoiding at all costs. I don’t know what the hell they’re gonna do. Like dropping the same moon on my head.       It also turns out that I hit a pony’s head, which is… Part of a powerful magical weapon for inflicting good and justice. This is where my buns visibly tensed up. After all, it’s one thing to just get in a strange horse, and quite another when that horse can use something that won’t leave a wet spot on you. Scary? I am, to be honest, yeah.       And in general, Pinkie turned out to be a nice pony to talk to about all sorts of things, despite being hyperactive and chatty. We might even be able to get along.       “"This is all interesting, sure, but now we need to think about what to do next,”" I said from mind to her.       It turns out it’s possible to communicate so calmly. When she’s in control of her body, she’s quite capable of hearing what I’m saying. Feels just like a voice in head. Hmm… Maybe I should take a part-time job as a schizo voice. But who’s gonna pay me for it?       “What do you want to do?” she asked, carrying bags of candy on her back. We’re somewhere on the outskirts of town right now, by the way. Going to the local school.       “"I don’t know yet. Any suggestions?”"       “Let me show you all my friends!”       “"There’s the whole town. Wouldn’t that be too many?”" , I asked.       And her friends (according to her) were indeed the entire population of Ponyville, and a quarter of them in different cities. And she’d introduce them all if I asked. She is, as I understand it, in favor of any movement other than a hunger strike.       “Aha! This is going to be really great!”       “"Maybe we should start with a close circle instead?”" , I asked warily.       “Yes! That’s what I wanted to do! I’ll introduce you to all of them! It’ll be a lot of fun!”       “"Wait, Pinky!”"       “What?”       “"Just show them to me. I’m not here yet. It’s better to get to know them when I have my own body,”" I gave a plausible excuse.       I’m not allowed to get dirty right now. I don’t know how the others will feel about it. Much less her best friends. Different world — different rules, of course, but with the sick in the head everyone should have a not-so-long conversation.       “Right! And then we’ll have a party to celebrate your arrival!”       “Who are you talking to, Pinkie?” the blue pegasus with the rainbow mane asked the ponygirl. It appeared abruptly like diarrhea, which is already stressing her out.       “Oh! Hello, Deshi! I didn’t see you there. That’s because I was immersed in my own thoughts. In fact, I’m on my way over to Cherylie’s to give her some cupcakes. And how are you doing?”, an extremely clever change of subject. I give her a standing ovation. I wonder if she did it on purpose or if it just came out?       “Everything’s super. I’m going to do some tricks. Do you want to watch?”, she offered.       “Oh, yes, of course I do! I just have to take the cupcakes to Cherylie first and I’ll be right back.”       “I’m waiting,” she said and took off into the sky. Man, I want to do that too.

***

      When we returned, as it turned out, to Rainbow Dash, there was also a white unicorn with a purple mane waiting for us, or rather just Pinkie. She was labeled as Rarity and…. I don’t know. Maybe the standards of local beauty were miraculously passed down to me from an earthpony, but this lady looks gorgeous. Not to the point of xenophilia, of course, but still.       “Hello, Pinky. How are you doing?”, she said hello. Hmm… Doesn’t raise any suspicions yet, but we’ll see. Not much…       “Everything is just wonderful! Did you come to watch Deshi’s stunts too?”       “Yes, of course. You look like a lot of fun. Did you meet a new friend?” she asked.       Oops, a trick question. Don’t screw it up, Pinkie Pie.       “Yes! I mean, no! I mean, not really, but…”, she rambled.       “"Oh, for f**k’s sake! Pinky, you and I agreed I wasn’t f**king here! What the h**l are you doing?”" , I howled.       “Well, I mean, I met him, but he’s already gone!”, the pink pony began to fidget and make excuses.       “"F**k yeah, now then she’ll believe you. Of course she will. We’ve got to think of something. And we’ve got to do it now! We gotta--”"       “Don’t interrupt me! I CAN’T THINK!!!”, Pinkie shouted in pure Russian. I couldn’t even find anything to respond to that. I just went quiet.       “Pinkie, honey, are you alright?”, Rarity worried.       “Yes! J-just fine!”, the pony replied uncertainly. Need to step in.       “"This is a good luck spell for Desh. Repeat it”", I prompted her, cooling down.       “This is a good luck spell for Desh,” the body mistress relayed word for word.       “Wow! Really?” interjected the pegasus.       “Yeah, so try your best! Come on!”, she shouted.       “Okay. Let’s go!”, the one exclaimed and rushed into the sky with a bullet.       Rainbow began to do dead loops, barrel rolls, dives, candle flips, and corkscrews. Simply put, she was spinning around in the sky like a frying pan. Watching her winged friend doing pirouettes and aerobatics in the air, the earthpony seemed to calm down. I shouldn’t have yelled at her.       “"I’m sorry, Pie. That was rude of me.”" I apologized.       “"It’s okay,” she replied in thought only."“I shouldn’t have said anything either.”       Afterward, we began to watch the pegasus' tricks together. After a while, another unicorn joined us. This time it was purple. Or is it more like purple? I’m not really good at that.       “Hay, Rarity, Hay Pinke Pie. What are you looking at?”, she asked.       “Rainbow Dash,” the pink pony replied. “Isn’t she the most daring davil, I mean devilish darer, l mean…”       “She’s dazzling!” the white unicorn replied a little dreamily.       “Ooh, yeah, that’s a good word. She’s dazzling!”       So they continued to watch the pegasus' tricks. The body mistress even managed to make three full turns with her head, trying to keep her eyes on her. At one point, however, something went wrong. Desh unsuccessfully flapped her wing, and then she was sharply began to move from side to side. A second later, she was on the ground.       “Guess my spell didn’t work,” Pinkie summarized.       “"And what are you standing there for?"”, I asked, watching the whole scene. "“Run to her! She might be seriously injured.”"

***

      Not half an hour later, the blue pegasus was examined, x-rayed on a creepy weird machine, her wing was fixed, and she was put in the general ward. Turns out the purple unicorn that is Twilight Sparkle knows a teleportation spell that she had forgotten about at first. Damn cheater! I want my magic too!       And so Pinkie and I, and four other ponies stand by Desh’s bed and rant.       “Is she gonna be ok?”, asks the pony in the fedora.       “I’m so worried,” says the yellow pegasus with the pink mane.       And why do all the locals have such strange colors? Yellow, pink, purple, blue. Except for the one in the hat. She looks normal. And that white one. Only her mane and tail look like they’ve been dyed.       “Is her face gonna stay that way?”, the body mistress asked.       What else could she ask? Though yes, Rainbow still has a funny face after the fall.       About a second later, the pegasus came to her senses and, after examining the wing, let out the most disappointed groan I’ve ever heard.       “How is she, doctor?”, Twilight asked the unicorn, who had been staring intently at her picture before.       “She’s going to be fine. Luckily, she has friends like you who got her over here in a jiffy,” he replied. The man’s whole demeanor suggested that he was a competent professional.       “Uh… How long do need to lie here? I’ve got things I need to do!”, Desh asked in extreme displeasure.       “Well, that all depends on your recovery. But I’d say a few days, minimum,” he replied.       “"How many!? Fractures take weeks to heal, if not a month!”", I was indignant. “"Are you sure he’s a good doctor, Pinkie? I think we’re being f**ked somewhere. No, letting her go with a cast might be a good idea, but they’re going to keep her here until she’s completely repaired. And only for a few days?”"       You guys have got to get me outta here! I’m gonna climb the walls! — howled the pegasus.       Ooooh, just like a spider! Did the crash somehow give her super duper spider power? — Pinkie asked the doctor, leaning on him with her hooves.       “"Maybe she should wear a tight red and blue costume with a spider on the chest, too.”" — I suggested.       “Exactly! We’ll have to get Rarity to make her one. So, did she get powers?”, she repeated the question.       ”…No, nor did it give her amazing healing power. She needs to stay in bed for a few days,” the doctor replied, pulling away from the ponygirl. Naturally, this made Pinkie fall to the floor.       “"Bummer.”"       “Few days? Might as well be a few months, or a few years!”, the pegasus continued to lament.       “"Oh, come on, no one’s ever died of boredom. Only from trying to dispel it,”" I commented more to myself.       “It’s not so bad, Rainbow Dash,” the yellow pony began to cheer up.       “"Yeah, she could have gotten away with more than just a fractured wing.”"       “I bet the chow in here hoof-lickin' good,” the hat pony continued.       “"Never heard of such foolishness. You don’t seem to have ever lain here for any length of time.”"       “And the hospital gowns, they match the curtains,” made an attempt at Rarity.       “"Of course. I mean, she’d always wanted a gown in a weird green color. It’s like an aesthete’s dream.”"       “And look! You have a roommate!”, pulled back Pinkie’s curtain. Behind it lay a completely bandaged pony.       “"Who can’t even say a word. That’s how they packed it in.”"       “Stop it!”, she shushed me quietly. Was it just me, or did that purple one look at us kind of askew?       “"Yeah look for yourself,”" I replied. “"I think she thinks pretty much the same way. It feels like you’re not trying to cheer her up, you’re trying to finish her off.”"       And indeed, the pony covered herself with the blanket and turned away towards the window, showing with all her looks that she didn’t like the idea of staying here in the least. Everyone looked at each other, unable to find anything to say. Twilight, noticing the cart in the hallway, moved to leave the room. She came back with a rather thick book. The first one, by the way, in my entire stay here. The book in a cloud of magic lay on the bed next to the pegasus.       “What’s THIS?”, Rainbow took the book in her hooves.       “How, how did you do that? How did you pick it up? It’s physically impossible. I mean, it’s possible, but it’s not THIS. “Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone,” she read out.       “This is the first story of the series. I own all of them,” she said with a goofy grin that totally cemented her 'bookworm' image for me. Only the glasses are missing.       “No thanks!”, she tossed the book aside. “I so don’t read. I’m world-class athlete. Reading’s for eggheads like you, Twilight. No offense, but I am NOT reading. It’s undeniable, unquestionably uncool!”       Laughter filled the common room. Even I couldn’t help but chuckle, but then I remembered that in my homeland I had such shots too. And even worse.       When everyone started to calm down, the village pony said: “Oh, gee, Rainbow. Is she serious? Who doesn’t like to read a bang-up tale from time to time?”       “Why, a good book is almost as magnificent as silk pyjamas on Sunday morning,” said the beautiful unicorn.       “Reading is for everyone, Rainbow,” echoed our book lover.       “Yeah, I love reading!”, Pinkie started to get excited. “And my heart isn’t even close to the shape of an egg. It’s more the shape of an apple, or maybe an orange, but a BIG orange, more like a grapefruit really?”       “"And your head can also get square if you stress it too much.” — I couldn’t help myself.       “Really? Square?” she turned to me in reality and in my mind.       “"Pinkie, be quiet!”", and though I said it in Russian, the pony understood me and quickly turned back to her friends with a smile.       “Alright, my little pony, Rainbow Dash needs her rest. You’ll have to come back tomorrow,” said the nurse who came in just in time. This situation almost became awkward and very noticeable.       We left the room and were on our way out when Twilight caught up with us near the entrance. Something I didn’t like about that right away. Just what?       “Pinkie Pie, tell me, are you alright?” she asked. Okay, question with an asterisk.       “Yeah. Is something wrong?” — she replied. So far, everything is going fine.       “I just thought you were acting a little weirder than usual. Are you sure you’re okay?”       “I’m fine, Twilight,” the earthpony replied.       Without the unicorn saying that last phrase, Pinkie would have had trouble answering right now. As it was, the body mistress got away with a simple phrase.       “"Good pony! Way to go, Pie!"”, I praised her.       “Okay, but if anything is bothering you can come straight to us. We’re your friends. We’ll help you.”       “Okey-dokey-lokey!” she said, and a cute smile lit up her face.       After that, the ponies separated in different directions. That was it, the finish line. Pinky has won. By the way, I keep meaning to ask?       “"Good pony. That’s how we’ll work for now. I have a question,"” I said.       “Thank you. What is it?”, she replied.       “"Is Pinkie Pie your real name?"”       “No, silly, my name is Pinkamina Diana Pie, but to my friends I’m just Pinkie Pie,” she replied in surprise.       Something unpleasantly prickled at the thought. Like a nasty, snide smile. Not about that right now. Maybe others had names like that too? Still, it wasn’t quite the answer he’d hoped to get.       “"That’s not what I’m talking about a bit. I’m talking about names in general. Are these all really your names? Do you name yourself after things and phenomena? Or how does that work?"”       “I don’t know. Ask Twilight. She’s the egghead one. She knows everything.”       “"That’s why I’m asking you, I can’t ask her since I’m here and I’m not allowed to show my face yet."”       “Oh, right,” the ponygirl replied and continued walking. Looks like there won’t be any information on this topic. One more question to ask.       “"Listen, Pinky."”       “Hmm?”       “"Can I take control of your body? Just for a little while. Even before bedtime"”, as if justifying myself, I asked.        Being in her mind had distorted my understanding of reality quite a bit. Even now I feel like I’m in a very long conscious dream and can’t wake up. It’s a terrible feeling.       “Okey-dokey!”, her sweet voice brought me out of my musings. “Just don’t get too rowdy.”       “"As you command, meme,"” I replied with a note of officiousness. After that, we entered Sugarcube Corner.

***

      In a spacious room, in front of a large glowing disk, surrounded by tables and various decorations stand two creatures — Me and Pinky. It’s already night outside, which means that no one will stop us from accomplishing what we’ve planned. I stared at the disk like a mesmerized man, trying to figure out in my head what it would be like to be a pony. Yes, this is the same platform Pinkie uses to control her body. It feels weird, like I’m finally getting my hands on something desirable. Well, screw all the weird thoughts. I’m gonna try it.       “What do I need to know before I stand on the platform?”, I asked.       “I don’t know. Is there anything you need to know?”, the pony replied. And eyes so innocent. Now that’s when I got a little scared. And I don’t think that rope wrapped around me is going to do a damn thing.       “That’s exactly why I’m asking, Pinkie,” I said, and then glanced at the platform. Better to be reassured. “Let’s go over the plan one more time, okay? I get up there and start steering your body. You keep an eye on me and surroundings and if anything goes wrong, you yank me out of the circle. After ten minutes, you pull me out of there whether something went wrong or not. Is that clear?”       “Yep! Pull you out in ten minutes.”       “Okay. Let’s get started.”       Turned to the platform. The slightly cool pink light shimmered leisurely beneath the thickness of the glass as if it were some sort of liquid, forming bizarre patterns. Whoever had come up with this certainly had taste. Okay, okay. Whew. This is definitely going to be interesting. Just don’t panic. So I put my will in my fist, take a step, and, uh.       I open my eyes. Where am I? The ceiling’s a bit familiar. I’m in Pinky’s bedroom on the bed now. Great. I try to move.       Fingers: I’ve only got the middle ones, and they’re kind of weird.       Hands: There are some limitations in movement, but it’s fine.        Legs: There are also some limitations in movement.       Conclusion: Everything you need works and you should try standing up.       Again, after trying to figure out this body’s movements, I crawl to the edge of the bed and sit down. It should be fine, basically. Just need to get used to the new muscles and understand how they move.       Easy to say, hard to do. On my feet, I seemed to get back on my feet and even after a couple minutes I was able to keep my balance without a bed. It was very unaccustomed, but I could do it. The next thing to do is to take a step. Take a step, huh? Okay, just a step. You could even walk along the bed. Wait, actually, along the bed. With my hand on it, I put my right foot forward. It’s a little wobbly, but I’m holding on. Then the left. I got it. Right. Left. Right. Left. Wow! It’s working! It’s almost like tiptoeing.       “Can you hear me, Pinky?” I decided to call out to the pony.       “Yep! All this time,” a tinkling voice answered me.       “Wait. What? You heard me the whole time?”       “Aha! You’re so-so funny with your comments. By the way, you have two minutes and sixteen seconds left. That’s fifteen. No, fourteen. It’s already…”       “Roger that, Pie,” I interrupted her and looked at the closed window. The ten minutes had flown by so quickly.       I want to take one last look outside. I stand up on my hind legs and walk a little wobbly towards the opening. In one sharp movement, the sashes open and I stick my head out.       The cool night air softly blows over my face full of fine hairs, gets stuck in my long, curly hair, and passes further into the room, carrying the scent of grass, dust, and moisture. The vast clear night sky was dotted with myriads of stars twinkling with a calm white light. A huge disk of the moon crowned this celestial splendor, illuminating the whole town with its unearthly light. The houses of this settlement, by the way, were made in some old European style, which only made it more fairy-tale-like.       This does look like a fairy tale, though….       It’s all real.       This night, this street, the houses on it, the air, the room, this pony’s fur, even the damn windowsill — it’s all real. Even the pain is real here. I can feel it by biting my tongue a little. This whole world is real. I’m the only disembodied spirit that lives in a pony’s head. I feel so-- Insignificant.       How did I even get here? Why here? What did I do or not do to become this.       To become essentially nothing.        Was I anything at all? I was always average in school. Dropped out of art and music. Never really got into games. No friends. Only books replaced them, and not always. I wanted to go to theater school, but I failed. I only went to be a dental technician on my father’s tip. And I didn’t finish it. So now I have nothing.       What am I now?       …       “You’re my friend, Dima,” the voice of the body mistress rang in my ears. It sounded quiet and a little sad. She could hear that, too. “Are you okay?”, she asked. “Are you okay,” she asked.       “Not really, but thank you. How much more time do I have?”       “Oh, that’s right! Time!”       And then I feel something snap me out of reality. A second later, I’m already lying on the floor and looking up at the familiar ceiling. The view is blocked by a pink face with a lush, curly mane and light, blue eyes. I noted to myself that she wasn’t the worst choice for the rest of my existence.       She looks at me, either with fright, or with bewilderment, or with something else. I don’t know. I need to defuse the situation.       “Are you okay? Any pain anywhere? Can you move? And talk?”, she pelted me with questions.       “There’s your body lying on the floor right now. Why don’t you put it on the bed?”       “Right! But you don’t go anywhere. We need to have a serious talk. And when I say serious, I mean VERY serious.”