The cigarette

      A cold, slightly windy day that begins to slowly but surely turn into evening. It's still light outside, but the sky is grayish — it's probably going to rain. The park, to which the eyes have already become so accustomed. Everything: this dull green shade of grass, these tall trees, through the leaves of which sunlight spills on warm days, but also give a pleasant cool shade under them, and these wooden brown benches, from which the paint is already coming off in some places. All this is imprinted in the brain to the last pebble, leaf and blade of grass.       There are usually few people here, and the area itself is not crowded, despite the large population of the city. The faces are almost the same: mostly elderly women and men come here, people who live nearby and walk here with their dogs, and in rare cases children who have come to play around and play with each other, as it usually happens.       You can hear the sound of heavy footsteps treading on the dirt path of the park, which is already boring in memory. But it got boring as something pleasant, warm and peaceful, regardless of the weather, time of day or mood. — I’m tired of school... tired of studying...       The words, as if by instinct, escaped from her mouth in a quiet, tired mutter. Once responsible, smart and always full of energy for studying, the excellent student now looks like she is going to hang herself. No wonder, school is exhausting, very exhausting. She knows about it like no one else.       The blowing wind slightly stirred the wavy bangs and short tail, while the path to the favorite park bench continued. Her gaze was fixed only on the ground and did not rise for a second — eyes were too tired after a long hard day. At the same time, there was no hurry to go home and go to bed, because if she go straight home after school or extra classes, she will have insomnia, and having rested in the fresh air, sleep will be strong. A strange feature of the body? Maybe. But also one of the reasons why this park has become so native.       Throwing her school backpack next to her, the girl sat down, or rather plopped down on her favorite bench, which was almost under a tree. A heavy sigh, his eyes are now riveted on the contrary upwards — to the sky, a grayish sky, over which clouds slowly floated, creating a sense of peace in the soul. If these clouds were people, they would probably be the calmest and wisest people on earth. — Looks like it's going to rain...       Even talking was hard. It was hard, but she was talking to herself anyway. Yes, an excellent student without friends, talking to herself, left alone. At school, the girl has a deservedly good reputation and respect from her peers (with the exception of some envious people who whisper about what a "boring nerd" she is), but seeing her now, they would probably twist their finger at her temple and stay away. Although... it's strange to do this because of someone's thoughts out loud, but society cannot be persuaded.       Another sigh, still heavy. The eyes were closed for a few seconds to calm the nerves and the flow of negative thoughts, several deep breaths were taken... Nothing helps. Is it really that bad, or is something done wrong?       An idea appears, to look up for at least a couple of seconds — either for a change, or to find peace in the green and brown shades of nature.       After some time of looking at the familiar figures of trees, the nose felt some familiar smell — cigarette smoke. The eyes darted in search of the source of the fragrance and found a silhouette: tall and thin. They began to closely examine the person — there is nothing else to do anyway, and sometimes people are more interesting to consider than the same trees.       A lanky guy, looking a little older than Alice, was leaning back against one of the trees. Strange, it's already cool outside, and he's standing under the shade? Well, that's his business. But it is unlikely that he is warm in his blue printed jacket, dark gray vest and black pants. — He dresses well... The clothes look comfortable but thin. — Alice mumbles thoughtfully to herself. — Isn't he cold..?       It's not clear why she even asks this question. It always annoyed the girl — her concern for people she doesn't even know. She is not naive, and when she is used (which, although, happens infrequently), she sees it perfectly as a result of analyzing human behavior. However, there is something that prevents her from stopping thinking about other people, and that is her empathy. A character trait prevents a girl from living who tries to focus on her mind, not her feelings.       The man's answering glance distracted her from her thoughts. Blue eyes that seemed to have been looking at her just now, but quickly darted back, as if ashamed to be noticed. The shadow of the hood put on his head and dark circles under his eyes gave the effect of an eerie appearance. In general, the guy looked like he stood under this tree just to not be around other people and calmly smoke. Is he afraid of them or just an introvert? — "Reminds me in some way..." — a thought flashed through when the girl looked at the stranger.       The student quickly turned her gaze back to the trees, not paying much attention to him again. But it didn't work out to forget about what he saw — the smell of a cigarette beat in her nostrils, reminding of this man nearby. Out of the corner of her eye, Alice looked again, and found that the mysterious guy was already looking in the opposite direction, it seems, intensely and nervously thinking about something, smoking his tobacco. — He looks so nervous... That's probably why he smokes. — She murmured thoughtfully.       Exactly. These things, invented a long time ago in the war, known as cigarettes, it seems really could calm the nerves and distract from all these stupid worries. But being an avid nerd, Alice never thought of touching cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. No, her parents are not some strict people who took away the child's freedom and allowed only to read books. It's just that she had always been so interested in studying or any other hobbies herself that in all her seventeen years of life she never even wanted to do it. Maybe the lack of real friends also played a role... But in any case, quite unusual thoughts began to creep into her right now. — "What if... I smoke?" — the schoolgirl thought slowly. A slight smile appeared on the bitten lips — the idea that smoking can help in the fight against stress, could not but rejoice. However, there were only two problems: the first was common sense and fear for health, and the second was the age that does not allow to buy cigarettes. But buying isn't the only way to get them, right?       The tall stranger's cigarette slowly curled up and melted, leaving behind a peculiar smell and gray ash that fell from the tobacco product and scattered in the wind. Alice's thoughts also fluttered — how much she wanted to try cigarettes, but at the same time how she was afraid to try something new. What if there will be an addiction? What if the school finds out? And reputation? — "This is probably the dumbest thought that originated in my head of all, but ..." — eyes thoughtfully glued to someone else's cigarette. "... maybe ask him for a cigarette?"       She has never been known as a brave person. Rather, everything was exactly the opposite — cowardly and timid. Everything would be fine if it weren't for this stupid shyness, another unloved character trait.       For some reason, memories came flooding back: whole mountains of books and textbooks, from reading which once was a pleasure, millions of words written on tens of thousands of A3 sheets, the happiness that the girl radiated from good grades... All this that could be said about her before, now seems only fiction. The reality of the present time is almost constant self— compulsion to do homework in order not to lose the reputation of an excellent student, for fear of disappointing others, sleepless nights filled not with sleep, but with continuous study...       The decision was made. Alice now seems to have been adamant in her desire to try this new, tempting thing — smoking. - "Ugh, I’m scared to approach him..." — she thought to herself, looking in the direction of the thin silhouette. — "But it's not my emotions that matter right now. I have a goal that I have to achieve. Come on, just walk up to him... He's as nervous as you are, it’ll be fine."       A deep sigh for preparation, and the student gets up from the bench. The first step towards the goal has already been taken — excellent. The legs slowly walked towards the tree in the direction of the guy. Fear and doubt began to creep up again. The area is not densely populated, and there are few people in the park, and the dimensions of the two did not coincide at all. If something happens, no one will find it...       The feet stood in place, chained by the soles of inexpensive sneakers to the cold ground. Maybe it's better to ask someone else? Just not someone who look so tall and weird... No, the decision has already been made. But the thoughts were interrupted soon enough. — "Is he... coming to me..?"       Seeing that the tall silhouette was heading towards the student girl, her arms and legs trembled. What to do? There was no time to think, as before... Escape? Wait?       And so, Alice continues to stand rooted to the spot on this earth, not moving from her place, and even involuntarily holding her breath. Her eyes are wide open, waiting for what awaits her next.       The long legs stopped literally two steps away. This guy's height definitely didn't help the situation — there was a feeling that a colossal titan was standing in front of her. She had to lift her head high to look at his face and see this look from top to bottom. Ironically, but expectedly, a facial expression filled with awkwardness and shyness appeared before her eyes, and there was a slight uncertainty in his speech. — Do... Do you want a cigarette? — the voice sounded quiete and nervous. He was obviously trying to sound confident, but anyone, even the stupidest, would immediately see these hints of social awkwardness. — Eh? A cigarette? — she looked at him in surprise. These were not the words she expected from someone who looked like him. After taking a small puff and letting the smoke out to the side, the guy spoke again. — Exactly... You looked at it, and I thought... That you might want to smoke... — he says in his very slightly hoarse, but surprisingly pleasant voice. Thin long fingers took out a pack, and then a cigarette, the same thin, and handed it to the girl. — I... — the eyes stared thoughtfully at the object in front of them. Uncertainty began to arise again, but it was already too late. If they give, then take it. — Yes... Thank you. — the girl answered quietly, taking a cigarette in a gentle hand.       There was something strange about him, this guy... It was as if he wasn't behaving as usual, something told her. It is unlikely that he always approaches strangers like that and offers cigarettes. — What's your name? — The stranger asked, looking for a lighter in his pants pockets. The voice was a little slurred because of the cigarette in his mouth. — I’m... Alice... — words were spoken nervously. Both her character and the person standing in front of her contributed to this. He is one of those people with whom, for some reason, it’s not very comfortable to be around, but not clear why.       Finally finding a blue lighter, the guy presses the piezoelectric element with his thumb and lights the device before bringing it closer to the girl's cigarette. — And I'm Peter.       Hands were shaking slightly, and the rate of heartbeats was much more frequent than usual. Before trying a new one, she glanced at him and found herself staring intently at every detail of her appearance, and at the same time watching her every action. Averting her gaze and carefully lifting the cigarette to her mouth, Alice began to lean towards the fire and lit up. A puff is made, and... Obviously a cough.       The girl was coughing so hard that it seemed to her that her lungs had already turned black and were about to slip out through her mouth. After the first cigarette smoked, there was no such calmness and peace that there were hopes for. On the contrary, sensations were disgusting: weakness, nausea and light dizziness began. Eyebrows furrowed in indignation. — Ugh! — the cough was still here. — This... — she wanted to say "terrible", "disgusting", "sick". But upbringing and character did not allow it. — not a very pleasant feeling...       Peter was surprised and even more nervous because of her reaction, and now his emotions were even more pronounced than before. — Wait... Don't you smoke? — there is this genuine puzzlement and slight shock in the voice. — N-no, I... — the voice sounded even quieter and more shy. It became even more awkward than before. — I didn't smoke, but I wanted to try... I'm sorry I didn't warn you... — Got it. — the surprise was already beginning to fade, the guy nodded understandingly.       There was a silence, not awkward, but rather temporary. Thoughtfully looking away, and then back into the girl's eyes, he added: — The effect comes later... — slowly the words come out of parched lips. — If you try to smoke at least one cigarette completely, you will surely feel better with time. — "Is he trying to instill addiction in me now? But why?" — Alice thought. Still, she wanted to get rid of stress, so she decided not to let the temporary bad state and doubts become a problem. — Yeah... yeah, I'll try again.       Another puff... And the same feelings. Puff, puff, puff, the guy staring at her. Puff after puff, and both people's cigarettes are smoked. — To be honest... I... feel almost the same way as after the first puff... — it was terribly embarrassing to tell the truth because of the fear of offending a person.       Silence fell again. A tense, irritating silence... Will he be upset? Angry? Inbalanced? What will be his reaction? Heart was beating fast with fear, thousands of thoughts had already raced through her head, but the answer was not like any of them. — I see. Then... — the voice began to sound more nervous, fingers began to slightly pull the edge of the jacket. — ...maybe you'll come here again tomorrow? If you agree to smoke again, we can have a little, like, chat... Or even... — cheeks slowly flooded with blush. — ...have a coffee..?       Sincere incomprehension and surprise were reflected on her face, Peter's nervously expectant expression was reflected in the lenses of her glasses. — "Am I hearing right? Did he ask me out on a date?"       How much puzzlement Alice felt. Her? on a date? Having spent half of her life with books and notebooks, she never thought about something like dating. The maximum is that she has an Internet friend with whom they correspond from time to time, but they don't really know much about each other, only that they are from the same city, although that one is big. However, the nerd didn't bother much about real friends, because she always had enough of herself, her thoughts and figures of anime characters and games as listeners. She was used to monologues much more than to dialogues, so now another new opportunity has opened up for her — to make a friend, or... No, just a friend.       They were both nervous in silence before her soft, shy voice could be heard. — I'll come... — "What a shame" — she thought. Words are swallowed, thoughts are confused, and it hardly comes out to form a sentence normally.       Despite this, Peter's eyes seemed to light up. There was so much relief and joy in them, so much happiness. But there was also something else that was still difficult to make out. And his big smile... Wow, this is the first time Alice has seen such sharp teeth. Is he a shark kinnie? — Really? — smile was still playing on his lips. — I... I'll be here tomorrow afternoon... I'll be waiting for you, Alice. — his voice even trembled a little with excitement. — I have to go home... See ya... — She muttered, then turned around and walked quickly to the exit of the park without looking back.       It looked like Alice wanted to get out of there asap. Partly, it was true, but partly she just got so excited that just wanted to leave. The girl didn't really understand why she agreed to meet at all, but perhaps it was because she didn't really have time to think about the decision, because of this pressure of expectation. It was already too late. She has already agreed, and in any case she will return to the park.       Without even turning around, Alice felt his gaze on her. It was as if his blue eyes didn't dare leave her back for a second, no, a millisecond. This made her even more nervous, so the steps became faster, and pretty soon the apartment building in which she lives came into view.