Richter's Skull Diary

This goofy creature is my mistress, owner or whatever… Oh, right! Owner! Sleeping very soundly. The alarm clock on her phone was turned off with a honed finger movement, even without brain involvement. Reflex! I would, of course, wake her up, give her a friendly bite on the heel, but… due to the circumstances I can’t help: I’ve been dead for two years. So all I can do is sigh. Well, at last! We seem to be awake. Apparently, in this absurd organism, somewhere deep inside still smolders the flame of conscience and the rudiments of responsibility. But it’s too late, young lady. You’re already completely out of time. It is not good to gloat, of course, but… Now we will start such a vertical race that it is a sin not to enjoy some entertainment. Yes! It’s done! Good morning, sleepyhead! Too bad she can’t hear me, or I think she’d appreciate the irony of saying good morning on a Monday morning, rubbing her bruised elbow against the headboard. Ew! How rude! You’re a girl! The hostess greeted the start of a new day with, “Fuck! overslept!” I’d laugh if I could. It’s so amazing, isn’t it? It’s never happened before, and here it is again! And now, drum roll: and-and-and… starting! Here we go! What did I say? Running around the room like an electric whirlwind. Why are you looking for your pants in the closet? Did you put them in there on Friday? Yeah, sure, and your sweater’s in there, too. That’s hilarious. Do you think they materialized overnight? The second sock is under the bed! I don’t know where to find the first one. Find it yourself! You came into the room last night in one sneaker. I can only assume the first sock was left in the other sneaker in the hallway. Bingo! You found the pants! The Monday’s Children quest is twenty-five percent complete. You might even be able to get out of the house in time. That’s assuming you remember where you threw your car keys. Which is unlikely, because you just tossed them on the bookshelf without looking up from your phone. You found a sock? Good girl! Congratulations! You shouldn’t have come up: the sneaker’s under the bed, too. You should have looked harder. You’re funny. Why did you turn on the kettle? You’ll burn your tongue again if you don’t have time. I have a beautiful owner, though: in pants, one sock and a bra. Why don’t you go to work like that once in a while? I’m sure you’d make a sensation. Oh, my gods! Your sweater’s hanging in the dryer, you idiot! You’re the one who hung it up yesterday after washing it so it wouldn’t wrinkle. Oh, she ran away. I guess she remembered about the sweater. On the other hand, it’s a good time to clean my face. Oh, she did get burned. What a slacker. How does she survive with her absent-mindedness? He’s coming this way. Watch out! The bed! Too late… Hello, a fresh bruise on her leg. Hey! Oh, no! Get that mug away from the keyboard and away from me too! It’ll short-circuit her, and I’ll get coffee stains! — Morning, Richter! — She’s smiling. She’s a good girl, though. She’s useless, of course, but she’s kind. She didn’t forget about me. And she stroked me. It’s nice. So what if I’m a skull. Even a dead dog likes a caress. Eh… I would smile at her or lick her warm palm… But it’s a pity, there’s no language for a long time. It’s sad. — Bye, I’m off to work! Don’t miss me! She ran away… And to you — bye bye… Have a great day, I’ll be waiting.