broken

— gee, are you okay? frank's alarmed voice and the question addressed to way seemed something distant, as did the voices of the other guys. they were all somewhere far from gerard, immersed in their own worlds, experiences and thoughts. his gaze, fixed on an invisible point on the wall, is cold and empty, and his hands barely noticeably tremble from tension. outwardly he seemed completely indifferent, but inside he was completely broken. he was torn with pain and the desire to scream at the top of his lungs, finally losing his voice. his heart was bleeding and beating feverishly, making it impossible to breathe. he felt that he was about to suffocate from the inability to take a breath and exhale calmly. from sudden fear, the body was seized by a strong trembling, and tears flowed down the cheeks of their own accord and gerard could not control it. he felt that he would lose his life at that very moment if this torture on him did not end. it seemed like it lasted forever. on stiff legs, staggering and leaning his hands on the walls, he heads towards the bathroom, ignoring the presence of his close friends in the house. now they seemed something completely distant from him and he did not hear their voices. having stumbled into the bathroom and somehow closed the door, way falls weakly onto the cold tiled floor and closes his eyes. every cell of his thin body was riddled with pain, especially his arms. there was not a living place on them; all of them, almost to the elbows, were covered with cuts of varying depths and thicknesses. barely noticeable, very thin, healed, fresh, deep, which he had to sew up, or medium, which was the majority. completely new ones, soaked in blood, reminded of themselves with a burning pain in their hands, and this feeling made way understand that he was still continuing to exist. gerard felt empty and at the same time his exhausted soul was consumed by all the emotions and feelings that he had experienced lately. this storm almost destroyed him; he was powerless against it. reaching out to the faucet, he turns on the water at full power. this noise once again drowned out his loud sobs and crying. once again, way promises himself to be strong and these promises are again destroyed, essentially because of himself. he promised himself not to involve his close friends in his problems, he didn't want to burden them with this. how many times did he make these promises to himself and then break them himself? gerard is running from himself again. gerard hides again, hiding the pain from prying eyes. gerard is crying again on the bathroom floor, choking on his tears and choking on them. gerard tortures his hands again, suppressing his emotions. gerard again burns with self-hatred.

* * *

he still lies on the cold floor and his gaze is still directed into emptiness. it became easier to breathe, but everything around still made no sense. inside he has long been dead and his heart has long stopped beating. gerard closes his eyes.