It [doesn't] hurt

      Thin fingers quickly fasten the buttons of a school blouse, Eve stealthily looks in the direction of Nastya, who is putting on a bra. The synchro tests came to an end and in a small locker room with iron lockers for things, the girls were together. Silence at home, silence at school, silence here. Three weeks have passed since her arrival in the central city, three days have passed since the victory over the Angel.       The fifth draws in the air as deeply as possible, gathers thoughts that are trying to run away together, hunts for them like a cat, in the halls of the mind. To gather my courage, to gather myself, to say. Say.       — Nastya. The ninth silently adjusts her skirt.        — Nastya, what's the matter?       Silence.       — Yes, answer me something! What's going on?! — Eva approaches the Ninth and looks defiantly into her eyes. "You've been avoiding me for three weeks.        — We have nothing to talk about. I'm not going to become friends with you," Nastya puts her shoes on, throws the strap from the bag over her shoulder and goes to the exit. "Don't try to talk to me, Fifth. I have to work with you, but leave friendship to choose for yourself.        — What the hell! — when the door closes behind the Ninth Child, Eva hits the drawers with her fist. The ringing echoes off the walls.       On the way home, there is not even a desire to buy something. Despite the fact that she hadn't eaten since yesterday, the conversation that hadn't happened had taken away any appetite.       It is hard and scary for her — Beijing hangs over her like a leaden sky — there is nowhere to hide, hunger turns her insides into a ram's horn and causes an attack of nausea, but psychologically she does not want to eat, there are too many things in her: emotions, despair, emptiness, city clouds. Complain to Light? What's the point? And there is no one else. The whole life turns into waiting. What and to whom will she be able to prove, even if the success with the Angel is not perceived by anyone? To win in threes and after training or to win alone and without preparation? The shadow of Ikari Shinji is pressing down on her. The third child has absolutely nothing to do with it, but I want to blame someone; someone distant and mythical.       The apartment is filled with the intoxicating aroma of frying, baked fish and spices. Eva takes off her shoes, washes her hands and, passing by the archway into the kitchen, sees the Ninth and the Commander sitting at the table. They talk quietly, eat, the Commander even smiles. Eve had never seen her smile in three weeks.       Rage and anger capture the girl. I want to fly in like a hurricane and tear the Ninth to shreds, destroy it. The stomach makes itself felt painfully. But there are no stocks, as well as the desire to go out again. In impotent rage, Eve buries herself in the pillow, suppressing a scream.       Light appears at nine in the evening. This is the only rule in the house — to return before nine. Even if there is no curfew in the city, everything works until seven or eight in the evening at most. And after that, even the lanterns burn through one, what can we say about the outback on which they live. If you walk a couple of kilometers along the dirty yellow river, you can go to the bridge, cross it to the other side, then walk through the wasteland, then you will find yourself at one of the secret entrances to the Nerve.       The night seems endless. Thoughts swarm in my head, I remember the times in the foster family, how the father and mother play the piano in turn and smile at each other, get gloomy when a little girl enters the room, get serious and ask her to leave. Everyone smiles at someone, but not Eve. A silly picture rises before her eyes, as she, having lost a pencil, asks for it from a teacher. She, having given some stub, assures that this is a very beloved and valuable pencil and it must be protected. When a student complains that he is stupid and draws poorly, he jokes that he just needs to be affectionate with him. And smiling. Eva doesn't remember exactly, but perhaps it is from this moment that her affection comes. They smile at her.       Smile.        And it all starts over again: as if the Ouroboros bites its tail and closes the ring of her life. No one smiles at her and there is not even an imaginary friendliness.       In the morning, I feel dizzy from lack of sleep and hunger. But, forcing herself to get out of bed, the girl, along with Light, who got up early, goes to school.       The eighth one gets up earlier on purpose, takes a shower and goes out after Eva, watches; walks a few meters slightly behind, then straightens up and says:        — You're kind of pale.        — Thanks for the compliment, — the Fifth quips.       They walk along the sprawling oaks that cover most of the sidewalk with their shadow. Five hundred meters from the house to the school. The melting of most of the glaciers after the Second Impact changed the course of the Gulf Stream, a powerful explosion tilted the earth's axis for several minutes, which led to enormous changes in climate: the temperature on almost the entire globe ranged from plus twelve to plus twenty-five to thirty Celsius. Children born during or after the Second Impact have never seen snow, have never seen autumn. Hurricanes and tropical downpours have become more frequent. Plants and animals have adapted to the new world in these seventeen years; those who could not — died out. Part of the flora and fauna was saved by people, creating the necessary conditions for them. New species of animals and birds have appeared, such as warm-water penguins. Some had them as pets.       — Maybe you can't tell from me, but I'm worried about you," he slows down a little to get behind the girl again.        — Nobody needs me in this world, — the Fifth answers colorlessly.       — What kind of decadent thoughts? Do you have PMS or something?       — Go to hell! — Eva accelerates her pace, the young man does not try to catch up with her.       When the school was a hundred meters away, and Light was left behind and did not see her because of the trees and the slightly turned road, she turned sharply to the right and disappeared behind the bushes.        The fifth did not see the city. Somehow there was no time and desire to walk. Now she was just walking along the road, looking at the buildings and wondering how they did not look from a height of eighty meters. Mental pain mixed with hunger caused the desire to cry. A sunny day called to smile and enjoy life.       After a bit of dancing, Eve goes to the place where she defeated the Angel. The perimeter is covered with forbidding ribbons, the girl calmly picks up one of them and passes under a bright red ribbon with black hieroglyphs.       You might think that there was an ordinary explosion here, only the traces of shots on the buildings give away the events.        — It's rather strange to skip school in such a place, — a man who came from nowhere says melodiously. Eve shudders and turns her head. A man with brown hair and an unbuttoned blue shirt comes out from behind the building, carrying a leather suitcase.        — Civilians are not allowed to be here, — Eva seriously informs.        — That's how. So you're not a civilian? he smooths his hair, which is tied carelessly in a ponytail.        — No.        — So am I, — the man smiles slightly, almost from the corners. — Will you introduce yourself?        — Shouldn't a man be the first to do it? And can I see your ID or pass? Eva says confidently, remembering the terrain plan, assuming that she will have to run now. Only she orients herself at the top, not at the bottom. Plus, distances are overcome quite differently on Evangelion than on foot.        — That's how, — the man stretches out the sounds, — Perhaps you're right, young lady, — holding the suitcase with one knee, balancing on the other leg, he rummages in it, looking for his ID; finding it, he hands the card to the girl.        "Redzi Kaji" she reads. The seals and watermarks match her pass.       To run or not to run?        — Do you want to run away with my pass? He forestalls the thought and deftly squeezes her wrist. Ryoji is so close, he smells of fading cologne and a little sweat.       — Not even in my thoughts! — Eva pulls out her hand, returns his pass and shows him hers. There's no point in running. — Are you looking for me?       — To my great regret, no. But I am incredibly glad that I found such a beauty!       They sit down on a bench at a former pastry shop. Kaji tilts his head back and looks at the sun standing exactly above them. Eva looks at his unshaven cheek, slightly rumpled shirt, trying to figure out what he is.        — You're a pilot, right? — turns his head and looks at the interlocutor.       Eve nods.        — How long have you been here?       — Three weeks. Here's the fourth one gone.       — And you're already skipping school. By the way, do you want a beer? I understand that this is not offered to children, but I have non—alcoholic, - dives into his suitcase with his hand.        — It would be nice, — shrugs the Fifth.       He takes out a can of beer, opens it and hands it to the girl, takes out the second one and opens it faster, immediately takes two big sips and puts the can on the bench to his right.        — This is not how I imagined it all, — Eva is in no hurry to drink, carefully holds the jar and looks at the empty buildings ahead.        — Angels?       — Life is here. That's the thing: I didn't believe that something like this could happen. But it happened. I believed that having met a friend, I would be happy, but this did not happen. There are angels, there is war, but there is no friendship.        — You have mixed everything into one pile.        — Sorry, you're here on business, and I distracted you, — but she didn't move.       — I was distracted myself, — Kaji takes another sip. — Module 02 and its pilot are going to be delivered to Tokyo-3.        — Soryu something? She is considered one of the best pilots. I was supposed to be sent to Germany, but they were refused, they say, you already have your own excellent pilot. And they sent me here. Here, of course, it's closer to me, I don't know much German.        — So you are one of the best pilots according to the test results?        — I'm afraid that only by tests. It's hard to show yourself in battle when you're in a team with a girl who hates you and a cute boy, under the leadership of a man who hates you even more — The fifth picks up the jar and takes a few small sips, feels how hungry she is.        — I think it's still forming.