Four stories about Methos

" Gosh, he is heavy..." "Shut up and go, it's a long way off." "Is it the bones that weigh so much, I wonder. " "There is nothing else, it seems. " "Then why did they order to catch this one? Could not find a better stag? " " It's the fourth, the previous three were spoiled. " " There is a herd in a nearby village, there are plenty to choose from, just come and take, and we've spent the whole day hunting this one. And now we have to carry him on our backs. " " Those are ordinary, and the Chief wants an invincible one. She said if the daughters were like him no one would ever defeat us. " " No one hasn't yet. " "Shut up! We do as the Chief said…" " What about the previous three? They didn't please her? " " Don't you know? Ah, you've been in a raid. First we hunted down the big one. It took us three quivers of arrows to bring him down but we did it. The Chief seemed to like him at first, the girls would be strong, she said. But once he'd seen our herd, he forgot about everything else. She caught him in the morning ... he was kissing a horse, our best mare. We had to get rid of this muddle-head. He left, but took one of the colts with him." "And the second one? " " The second one... He appeared to be totally insane. The Chief woke up in the middle of the night and saw him standing over her with a spoon and a piece of cloth tied around his neck. She barely beat him off, he tried to bite her. But the third one caused the biggest problems. He managed to entice half of the girls with false promises to gather an army of women, and conquer the whole world with their help. The enormous spoils and all. Then someone informed the Chief. She was furious, I think they heard her in Athens. It's understandable; she's almost out slept the revolution. The most active followers of a new leader lost their heads and he himself was pushed off the cliff. I don't know how long it'd taken him to get out of the gap, but in a couple of weeks the scouts reported that the Four were together again. If this stag doesn't fit the bill, we'll have to look for an ordinary one to prevent the extinction of our tribe. " " Just look at his body, I don't think he'll be able to serve the generals as well. Way too skinny. " "It's no business of ours. We bring the male; they use him as they like. " " And what is it with his face? The children will also be half-blue? " " It's a paint, you, idiot! " " Then let's wash him, there is a stream not far from here…" " You are right, we all need rest. Can't feel my hands. " " Why didn't we load him on a horse? " " Forgotten your orders already, haven't we? We've been told to operate in secret. You can't hide a horse in the bushes. Okay, girls, let's put him here. " " Are you sure, he'll revive? " " If not, not a great loss. It's just a man; they are worse than animals and equally stupid. " " Are you mad? The Chief will eat us for breakfast if we don't bring him alive. " " Let's check then. If he doesn't revive, we'll just bury him somewhere and tell the Chief we couldn't catch him. " " And if he runs away? The whole day of hunting was for nothing? " " We can tie him up. " " Oh, I don't like this. I really don't like this… Well, OK, give me the rope. " " Bind his legs first. " "Don't need your advice here. " " Let's take out the arrows. Shit. Hold him tight! Ouch! " " Carefully! Mine were poisoned. " " Thanks for the well-timed remark! " " If we loosen his ties just a little he'll be able to go by his own. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of carrying this sack of bones on my back. " " Maybe you want to chase this sack of bones all over the desert one more time? I don't. " " How do they do it, I wonder? " " Do what? " " Well…umm… serve the Chief and the generals…They make children somehow, don't they? " " Who knows? The Chief is very tight lipped about the details; the generals prefer to discuss it among themselves. The less you know the better. " " I asked a friend once. Her sister is a general's favorite maid. She says it must be very painful. Last season the male served her mistress for a week, and she screamed every night, poor thing. She thought he was killing her. " " It's horrible! Thank Gods we haven't come to an age yet. " " One day you will, and then…" " Hey! Look, he is coming to. " " That's a relief. " " Give me your knife, I'll stab him again. Time to go. It's getting dark. " " No, wait, I want to take a good look at him. " " What for? " " I've never seen a living stag so close. " " You'll see enough of him, I promise. If the Chief likes him, he'll stay till the next moon. " " Aha, in her tent. " " She is right, we can always kill him, but let's look first what kind of thing he is. Can he speak? " " Those three could. " " Hey, you! What's your name? " " I doubt he has one. " " If he does he won't tell us. " " Why not? " "Don't you see how he's staring at you? His eyes are going to fall out. Must be scared to death. " " What if he likes horses more, like the big one. Let's ask him if he's served women before…" " Shut up both of you! I'll ask him myself. " " Why you? " " Because I am still your sergeant! Hide yourselves somewhere; it'll make him more talkative. " "But…" " Go! " " Burr… It's cold here. What does it take her so long? I wish we'd taken some of the skins along, I'm going to freeze. " " Yeah. It's been a long time. What if he…" " What? " " Killed her? " "Not likely, I'm the master of making knots. " " Ah, at last! Did you… Hey, what's wrong with you? " " Umm, nothing, nothing's wrong. It was, it was… soooo cool! " " What? You've left him there alone? " " Don't worry, he won't leave. His legs are still bound. " "What about his hands? " "…" " Wait, Methos, you are telling us that you've never come back to Horsemen again? " " Nope. But I've never got to the Amazon's camp either. When the girls found out there were… more, they refused to go back. " " Who would have thought, you were such a Casanova, Methos. " " They were almost naked, MacLeod! What would you do if three young and pretty ladies walk past you wearing only leather straps and quivers? Besides, they turned out the perfect huntresses and cooks. They could even make beer. So I lived with them like a lord for fifteen years. And they were so warlike that I felt no difference between brothers and sisters at first. In fact I was not going to stay with them that long. But I got used to this life, besides it's healthy to change your environment from time to time, you know? But after fifteen years they wanted more than just running around with the swords. They wanted home and children and all that crap. Women always do. By that time their tribe has grown into a small matriarchal state, at least they thought it was a matriarchy. And I also wanted to settle down, to live in peace. Three hundred years without a single fight... So it were women who'd changed me. According to their laws I had to marry every ten years but not that it hurt me much ... However, I've been very picky since then, because once or twice I got the brides so ugly I wanted to cut off my own head. What is it, Amanda? What did I say? "