Go away

Their break-up was the most right thing in his life. This is how Jungkook convinced himself every lonely evening. All that he had left of Taehyung was a thin silver ring with a little dark red stone picked up from a pile of things. Their break-up was ridiculously dramatic like in a cheap drama with actors hired for their first role — full of screams, accusations, objects thrown to the floor. And a bitter sweet kiss goodbye. Their break-up was just another inevitability. A house of cards on the shores of the Eastern Sea — one breath of wind, and it collapses with a howl burying its victims. In fact, Taehyung has always had a bewitching charm, an unobtrusive hotness that ignites a flame that destroys everything inside. Jungkook never denied it and wouldn’t dare now. But it was scary to drink fifth soju shot of the evening and suddenly see him. Expensive Tissot with a leather strap, dark vintage glasses and a white satin shirt on a thin body, sitting firmly on a fragile wrist. A complete delight for the eyes. Does he have the right to look at him like that now when they are not close to each other anymore? Jungkook doesn’t know. He didn’t moved, he just looked and there was a shameful thought in his head urging him to run away before Kim would see him. Because he couldn’t do it any other way. Because otherwise everything would fall down, spreading chaos and ruining all seven months of Jungkook’s efforts. Taehyung, meanwhile, was smoothly circling between the tables with noisy bar patrons, looking at his phone. And Jungkook’s jaw clenched. Probably Taehyung had some kind of meeting. Maybe with someone important to him. He didn’t waste his time like Jeon did. Jungkook’s reason for being in this bar was very prosaic — he needed to drown his anger and disappointment with alcohol, because everything in his life was wrong. Because there was no way to fix this. Perhaps it would be better going to the club in order to find someone for a night or two but he wasn’t in the mood. However, like the last couple of months. “Repeat the order?” the bartender asked unobtrusively wiping an already sparklingly clean glass. Silly formalities. Jungkook always get drunk quickly and that was his goal initially. But that moment he just wanted to get as far away from this place as possible, forget its location, forget the image of Taehyung, erase his name and no longer try to pull it out of his memory. Sweet pain, gentle sadness, covered with memories, settled on the shoulders, burning the skin to the flesh. There was still something in this: to feel longing and enjoy it. When did notes of masochism begin to appear in Jungkook? It was time to run. He looked the other way and, fuck, he urgently wanted to turn into molecules and dissolve in the atmosphere. Because Taehyung looked straight into Jungkook’s eyes and it was unbearable. It was too late to run. “No, thank you,” he almost wheezed in response to the bartender through his teeth, holding his breath. Just pass by. Just don’t come here. Jungkook shuddered and almost fell out of his chair when someone’s hand rested weightlessly on top of his shoulder covered with a thin leather jacket, and an electric charge pierces his body. He didn’t want to turn around — he just wanted to disappear. “Hello,” a quiet voice lined with velvet. Sweet goosebumps and slight trembling. Jungkook turned his head and opened his eyes in feigned surprise, looked at Taehyung, desperately hiding the desire to run away. “I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said instead of greeting. He was wondering how stupid he looked. It was a pity that it couldn’t be blamed on alcohol —Taehyung wouldn’t believe it because he knew Jungkook by heart: every emotion, every state. He was always perceptive, Jungkook remembered. “You look good.” And he didn’t lie. Taehyung’s shirt was tucked into high-waisted trousers that was fit the slim body so perfectly that it seemed as if they were made to order. Although, knowing Taehyung, who didn’t skimp on any clothes, no matter what the price was, this was possible. In the dim light of the bar, ideally falling on the correct features of the face, with barely curled silvery hair, with a glittering earring in his ear he looked godlike. His eyes was still hypnotizing in their singularity, especially then — faintly lined with a carmine gradient in the outer corners. Sometimes it seemed that he was a completely unreal character, a character straight out of the pages of novels, who was worshiped by hundreds of thousands. “But you haven’t changed,” a calm smile on his lips. Before removing his hand, Taehyung lightly tuned his fingers over Jeon shoulder sending thousands of goosebumps across his skin again. Jungkook barely noticeably pulled his lips to the sides, which looked more like confusion than a smile. Inside, the ragged rhythm of the heart was still beating quickly and loudly. He just needed to hide, to stand up and say goodbye softly before leaving. There was nothing wrong with this. They weren’t enemies. Their breakup was right. “What are you doing here?” Taehyung came even closer and Jungkook could smell the light trail of lavender cologne the bottle from which was familiar to the feeling that tugged in the chest. He always had it on the nightstand next to the bed. Taehyung scented himself with it first thing in the morning, dispersing the aroma throughout the room. Jungkook loved waking up later than him and smelling this smell in the space around him. “Are you washing away your grief?” smiled Taehyung. “Kinda like that,” Jeon awkwardly shrugged his shoulder watching Taehyung leaned his elbows on the bar counter and with too familiar gesture silently pointed the bartender to a bottle of grape soju. “What happened?” bowed his head slightly turning his gaze back to him. Jungkook was dead inside. “Nothing happened. Just some troubles.” He nervously twisted the glass in his hands thinking that refusing the supplement would be a stupid idea. He could use another sip. Well, a big sip. “Are there any problems with the girlfriend?” Jungkook instantly raised his eyes hearing the slight irony in Taehyung’s voice. There was an unpleasant feeling in his chest. On the other hand it was expected to hear mockery on this score. But Taehyung’s eyes were still calm and not hostile. It was almost calming — just a little bit. “No,” he said sharply. He didn’t have a girlfriend, “everything is fine with her, if you want to know.” And Taehyung smiled in response, as if he knew everything about Jeon. And this gave chills to the skin. “You know, it’s, of course, wonderful that we broke up but you didn’t return my silver ring to me,” Taehyung said. Jungkook flinched, the glass almost slipped out of the grip of his fingers. He looked around to see how many people have heard they were dating — the bartender, the couple sitting to his right, and the plump teenager who most likely used one of his brothers' passports to sneak in here. But there was no reaction. No one started pointing fingers or making disapproving noises. Only Taehyung smiled. “Ah, you really are still the same. You continue to depend on the prejudices of others and you are afraid of condemnation. This looks so much like you, bunny.” Jungkook would be offended, but this is the truth. Life-breaking truth. The bartender broke the tension between them by leaning forward a little and pushing two glasses filled to the brim. It wasn’t surprising that he didn’t skimp so much. “As you asked, two glasses of grape soju.” When did Taehyung ask for two? Jungkook’s head almost hurt. “Thank you,” Kim nodded in response and turned to Jungkook raising his eyebrows questioningly. He said, “You loved grape.” Jungkook thought for a couple of seconds about how right the decision would be to take a glass but in the end he couldn’t refuse a free drink, especially at Taehyung’s expense. He put down his shot and took the one offered. “Actually, pomegranate.” “Don’t lie to me,” Taehyung bared his teeth and Jungkook looked at the fangs. He blushed from the thoughts that exploded in his head because he remembered very well how he scratched his tongue about them. He remembered how much he liked it. “You stocked up on grapes like filtered water before the apocalypse. I remember,” Taehyung drawled and Jungkook shuddered again. Taehyung was absolutely in his head. “I’ll take it,” Jeongkook nodded and took a sip. His throat burned again, and everything became blurry in his eyes for a second. “You know, it doesn’t matter. Let’s get back to the topic of the ring, shall we? Will you give it back to me?” Jungkook would have choked but there was nothing else to do. The bartender quickly corrected this by pouring a new portion. No, he won’t touch it again. Shame melted insides, displacing any echoes of sensible thoughts from his head. He felt like a real thief. “I threw it away,” Jeon lied brazenly. But Taehyung was in his head. Taehyung knew everything. “You’re lying again,” Taehyung narrowed his eyes slyly. Jungkook loved looking at them: they sparkle strangely and it was almost mesmerizing. “Come on, bunny, be honest for once,” he leaned forward and Jungkook froze. He didn’t breathe, he didn’t live, there was a saving emptiness in his head bursting to the point of pain. He smelled that scent again. And again it was resonated with pain. Taehyung exhales hotly into his ear, “How many times did you cum while holding it in your hand and thinking about me?” Damn. That was the end, there was nowhere else to go. “Don’t flatter yourself,” he pushed him away and from Kim’s touch everything inside was upside down again. “I didn’t think about you until tonight. So please don’t spoil it for me.” “Well, fine,” Taehyung suddenly laughs loudly, leaning back, “Hyuk, we’re leaving.” And Jungkook didn’t understand who it was addressed to. “Okay,” answered the bartender, “this guy doesn’t pay?” “Only to me.” Jungkook looked in disbelief from one to the other. Instead of thoughts, the wind howled again. All the background noise quitted down for a while for him: ge couldn’t hear the screams of noisy young people or the loud laughter of an old woman who for a couple of minutes couldn’t stop laugh at something that, apparently, was very funny. He continued to sit on the high bar stool; his legs hanged down. “Is this your bar?” Jeon exhaled. “Kinda like that. Small business,” he winks, straightening his hair with a subtle movement, “let’s go, bunny.” Taehyung patted his thigh which immediately tensed. “No,” Jungkook jumped from his seat and shook his head looking straight into Kim’s eyes. He took a couple of steps back. He didn’t want to fall into this abyss again and break on the rocky bottom. There would be no going back. “I’m driving home,” he said. “As you wish,” Taehyung lightly adjusted his shirt on his body and Jeon glances at it. It suited him like no one else. These thoughts made him want to give myself a hard slap in the face. “I’ll go with you.” That was already impudence. That was rudeness that Taehyung has no right to. “One night, Jungkook. You know that you can’t run away from me”. He suddenly found himself unforgivably close, pressing his whole body against Taehyung’s one. The diamond eyes continued to shine smile. And Jungkook knew he can’t run away. Because his chest was still hurt for some reason. Because of Taehyung.                                                                               

***

                                                                              

Kiss me on the lips, this will be our secret I’m very addicted to the prison called “you”.

“You started cleaning up more often,” Taehyung noted as they entered Jungkook’s apartment. Surprisingly, there was somewhere to park the car in the yard — the neighbor’s car was not there so Jungkook put his in their place. Tmeant that at least this night it will be possible to do what they want without noise behind the wall. However, the thought that perhaps they will make noise haunts Jungkook. “I just show up at home less often.” “I thought it was your girlfriend who was so caring,” Taehyung turned around and stopped in the middle of the corridor, folding his hands behind his back. And he smiled sweetly. Was he flirting? Jungkook also chuckled feeling like the time when he and Taehyung ran away from school to come to an apartment empty of their parents and quietly, stealthily take wet kisses from each other’s lips, lying down on the bed, carefully making their way under their T-shirts with cold fingers, stroking the burning skin. “Well, that too,” he said embarrassed. Because they both knew the truth. But in Jeon’s head everything was the same. “Touch me here”; “Come on, hurry up, father can come early”; “Damn, squeeze tight.” And this again chills him from head to toe. “May I go to the bathroom?” Taehyung asked quietly and Jungkook hastily nodded his head. “Yes, if you need to,” he quickly became lost, “more precisely, you need to, so go. Fuck, in general, to the left, as usual,” he finished quietly and felt his ears turning traitorously red. And Taehyung looked at him and laughed into his fist. The door slammed softly behind him, and Jungkook went into the bedroom, running and falling onto the bed. Everything inside was on fire, everything went to hell. That world without Taehyung, which he had been so diligently building, was rapidly collapsing, burying the two of them under it. This was just a hell prepared only for him, this was Jungkook’s personal punishment. He was falling, falling for a long time, and this feeling was very reminiscent of the approaching end. However, that was no longer scary as it probably should be. There was real flame on the tongue; he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs.because something is definitely wrong. After a while, Taehyung appeared on the threshold and the darkness thickened only to his single silhouette — everything else was unimportant residual matter. “Break me into pieces,” was spinning in Jeon's head. Jungkook really wanted to say, “Just take me under your power.” But melancholy squeezed its paws tightly on his throat. All that remained was to suffocate from his own feelings in the bloody lake spreading under him. Taehyung approached slowly and Jungkook thought that Taehyung was the darkness. “I don’t want to resist,” he whispered. And Taehyung went ahead. His hands were everywhere, moving weightlessly over your body, burying his fingers in Jeon’s hair, squeezing until the roots burn. He himself sited on top, he was no longer wearing trousers, and was moving viscously slowly back and forth, sliding down onto his hips, then onto his stomach. And Jungkook moaned quietly through his teeth because it was unbearable. Without opening his eyes, guided by the vibrations of the air between them, he found Taehyung’s hands, squeezed them in his own, intertwining their fingers. Kim leaned down and covered his lips with his. The lips was dry but their taste was the best in the world, the most memorable. The palms on the waist were squeezed almost to the point of bruises, and then they were stroked guiltily because art must be handled with care. Jungkook ran his tongue along his neck, he got lost in quiet sighs, in the noise of a fractionally bubbling heart. He felt Taehyung’s hands penetrating right under the jacket, going down, dangerously close to the button of his jeans. One blurry second and they were unbottened. Another one — and Taehyung asked him to raise up so he could pull the jeans down. Jungkook obediently raised his hips and was still tried to remember how to breathe. He couldn’t and probably didn’t want to. Because in front of him was Kim Taehyung who thoroughly penetrated under the skin, who sent his poison through his veins as the best drug. Jungkook didn’t have time to ask where the condoms were from, where the lube was from, he just threw his head back on the pillow and finally took a breath, rolling his eyes. He exhaled at the same time as Taehyung’s thin fingers pulled the elastic band over his dick. They had their own rhythm; they were moving irregularly, in different ways. Taehyung continued to smile barely noticeably, drawing all the juices out of Jungkook, moving mockingly slowly, rising and stopping for a while. Jungkook, on the other hand, picked up the rhythm and was thrusting his hips faster, tried to extract more moans from Taehyung. He pressed his hands on Kim’s butt, hit almost unconsciously and sped up his movements again. And Taehyung gave in; he lifted himself up a little, leaning back on his hands, and let Jungkook enter him as fast as he wanted. It was really dark all around, it felt like it was also inside. It was spreading like wax over the skin, it was absorbing into every cell. Jungkook’s mind was separate from his body. Everything that happened then had to remain one continuous emotion. Taehyung whined when Jungkook, holding him by the waist, thrusted too fast, too deep. Kim tuned his hands over Jeon’s body, stroking his ribs, scratching his skin with his fingers. “Come on,” the darkness of the room took in the velvety sound of his voice, “faster, Jungkook.” His voice was hoarsely to the point of stupor. Before the flashes came on, they both feel into dark. Jungkook moved as fast as he could, feeling Taehyung wipe beads of sweat from his forehead with his finger. “Fuck,” escapes his lips at the last moment. And unconsciously whispered, “Taehyung.” Jungkook froze for a moment and opened his eyes. To whom were people prayed for? Who did millions of people worship? Whose name was remembered by hundreds of thousands? When, behold, the deity was right in front of him, right on him. He was suffocating in his own moans, breaking into a hoarse cry, rolled his eyes from the enveloping pleasure that broke through the skin. Jungkook had problems. Jungkook had Taehyung. Taehyung who was trembling with his whole body, laid down next to him and stroked his cheeks with his fingers — tenderly as if they were together again. “Don’t cry, Jungkook,” a gentle whisper next to his ear. Quiet, soothing. Taehyung wiped tears from his cheeks for the last time, tapped his head with both hands and put some forgotten feelings into his chest, applying it carefully, fragilely. Jungkook tried to listen to his heartbeat, because he really wanted to calm down, but he was only able to choke. “Wipe your tears and sleep. Just try to sleep,” light kiss on the top of his head. This is how it should have been. They needed each other. “Okay,” Jungkook agreed, looking out the window: at the sky, where a scattering of countless stars were flickering, at the moon hanging in the black peak, at the quiet, almost dead calm. “Just fall asleep with me.”                                                                   

***

                                                                   Jungkook opened his eyes inhaling the scent of lavender cologne. He liked to wake up later than Taehyung, catch a familiar smell in the space in front of him and be sure that Taehyung was still somewhere in the kitchen, struggling with a trivial omelette. But Taehyung wasn’t not there. Jeon, having walked around the apartment, returned back to the room and looked outside. It was raining. Like the day he lied to himself while sacrificing Taehyung. He took his hands out of his pockets and approaches the bed, looking brokenly at it, at the tossed-up bed, on which two burnt to ashes bodies were cooling several hours ago. He put his hand under the pillow and laughed quietly: the place where the ring always lay was empty. Inside him a great loneliness of cosmic proportions also flared up. Their break-up was another inevitability. A collapsed house of cards. The most correct thing in his life. He fell on the floor like a limp corpse, his head touched his chest with his chin. Everything was correct. A loud howl erupted from the chest. Don’t cry, Jungkook.