Love is the lot of the weak

Wednesday disappeared into the thick morning fog. Before she left, she caught a glimpse of the incredible bitterness in Xavier’s pale green eyes. He did not look after her, but only blinked back the tears that had come and turned away. “Maybe I overreacted,” a sudden thought flashed through Wednesday’s mind. On the other hand, how else to convey to the stubborn Xavier that she would never go out with him. His dreams about their relationship would remain nauseating dreams. That’s why Wednesday has shunned Xavier since the beginning of the school year. He’s too proper and nice to make her teeth crawl with lusciousness. Fortunately, Xavier was not someone she could be interested in. But Xavier was right about one thing: Wednesday is weak. She understood from the beginning that Tyler did not disgust her unlike other people. He was special. She liked his curly hair and the moles on his cheeks. Tyler’s disarming smile should rightfully have joined the list of practical torture techniques. What a hell of a smile! The corners of the perpetually emotionless Wednesday’s lips lifted involuntarily up a couple of times as she spoke to Tyler. It was a good thing her parents didn’t know about this embarrassing fact in her biography. Otherwise, they would have decided that their daughter was in a fever. How much had happened for the first time in her life with Tyler. The first date. The first kiss. The sincere smile. The desire for bodily contact. The excitement. And perhaps the very “L” word that she’s so ashamed to say out loud. She still remembers the taste of Tyler’s lips. Coffee and caramel syrup. At the moment of the kiss, Wednesday’s knees buckled from the overwhelming sensations, but Tyler’s strong arms prevented her from falling. It was as if her body was electrocuted from head to toe. Their kiss was a short circuit in the power grid. Her lips burned, blazing with Tyler’s sensual touch. It was the first time she’d felt so many unknown emotions. Tenderness. Madness. Desire. It was as if time had stopped for the two of them. All Wednesday wanted in that moment was for Tyler to hold her so tightly against his chest that she could feel it in her bones. Perhaps that was one effective way to leave an imprint on his heart. Wednesday hated all this stupid romance and any display of affection, but in an instant, something clicked in her. Now she understood the reason why her parents were practically inseparable from each other. It was unexpectedly pleasant. Wednesday would have inevitably melted into Tyler, just like his favorite caramel syrup in a hot cappuccino, had it not been for the vision. The guy who stared anxiously into her distraught eyes was the one she had been looking for so long. Hyde. The monster. The executioner. It wasn’t the suspicious Xavier Thorpe, but Tyler. Her Tyler. The serial killer was the first man she’d been with without feeling the need to have a knife at the ready. Ironic. One comforting thought for Wednesday was that Tyler wasn’t as simple as he appeared. It was an incredible relief. She was beginning to doubt her own adequacy, but everything fell into place. Still, she didn’t like the friendly barista, but the obsessive psycho and ruthless sadist. Tyler is not even ashamed to introduce to the relatives. They would surely take him for their own and proudly tell acquaintances that their daughter’s boyfriend has ruined at least seven lives. Neither a psychiatric hospital nor Laurel Gates would interfere with their relationship. Wednesday wouldn’t hesitate to kill anyone who dared stand in the way of Tyler’s release. At one point she’d even devised a plan to save him, but one depressing thought kept her from doing so. What if everything was an act? For the first time in her life, Wednesday began to care what the other person thought and felt about her. She wanted honesty and sincerity. Apparently, she was going completely nuts. Thing, as always, was too observant, so it was easy to figure out the reason for Wednesday’s atypical behavior. He offered to visit Tyler in the hospital to find out the truth. Wednesday was principled, proud, and stubborn—qualities she cherished in herself, even though they often led her to failure. Certainly, the idea of finding out Tyler’s feelings was emphatically rejected. Make the first move, humiliate herself, and then still worry about the answer? No way! That’s not what Wednesday Addams was used to. So, Thing took drastic measures and wrote a letter to Tyler on her behalf. He was on his way out with the envelope, but Wednesday intercepted him in time. She was furious. Wednesday threatened Thing that she would tattoo obscene words on him if he didn’t stop doing these liberties behind her back. He had no choice but to obediently surrender. Recently, the situation worsened as Tyler began appearing in Wednesday’s dreams. She could once again see his sweet smile and beautiful eyes, hear his laughter and the pleasant timbre of his voice. In such moments, Wednesday found that she missed Tyler very much. The dream plots were always different. She dreamed that she was chatting casually with Tyler over coffee, and he was smiling at her sarcastic jokes. Or they were sitting on a bench in the park. Wednesday rested her head on Tyler’s chest and he stroked her black braids. And they kissed incessantly, eagerly exploring each other’s bodies with their hands. The images shifted, but one thing remained constant. They were terribly happy. Wednesday had never liked mornings, but now waking up was such a hellish experience for her. Every day it became harder to open her eyes and look out at this nauseatingly irritating, colorful world. Her world was empty without Tyler Galpin.

***

Wednesday was approaching “Ophelia Hall”. She was desperately hoping that Enid had already left for her date with her boyfriend. As usual, reality did not meet expectations. Enid was dancing in front of the mirror, wearing a bright pink dress and listening to a nauseatingly awful song. “Stop this torture immediately. Enid, how can you even refer to this as music? Wednesday reproached her. “Hurry up. Otherwise, my ears will start to bleed in a few seconds.” “Hey, Wednesday,” greeted Enid, turning down the speakers. She had come to terms with the fact that she and Wednesday were very different. Despite these differences, Enid tried to be a good friend. “As always, you’re on time! Help me choose some jewelry for the dress, please.” Enid began to apply large earrings to her ears in turn. The first were heart-shaped in a red hue, the second — yellow stars with sparkles. Wednesday gave a quick glance at Enid’s face glowing with joy. She tactfully kept silent and walked into her part of the room. “So, you’re not going to advise me at all?” Wednesday took a clean sheet from the drawer and started to change her bed. “Enid, this is such nonsense. You’re devaluing yourself as a person. Dressing up for dates is a patriarchal society’s imposed settings. Imposed by men. It’s too humiliating,” Wednesday snorted in outrage, making the bed with a black blanket. “I dress up not for Ajax, but for myself,” Enid replied, putting on red heart-shaped earrings. “That’s how I’ll feel more confident.” “Confidence should not depend on what your hair looks like today or what you are wearing. Confidence starts with the head.” “Thanks, Wednesday. I’ll consider your advice. Only you’ve always carefully prepared for trips to Jericho. Tried on different sweaters before leaving, braided your braids tighter,” Enid said mysteriously. Wednesday’s dark eyes noticeably widened in surprise. “Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you liked going to the same coffee shop there.” “If you keep going, I can’t guarantee that you’ll wake up in your bed tomorrow morning,” Wednesday ominously warned. “And where do you think I’ll wake up?” “Wake up?” Wednesday raised her eyebrow questioningly. “Ha-ha-ha, very funny. If you wanted to smother me, you would have done it a long time ago,” said Enid, gently sitting down on her bed. “I won’t fall for these provocations.” “The best way to lull a victim’s vigilance is to tell her about your plans.” A vibrating sound rang out. Enid’s iPhone screen lit up. She snatched up the phone eagerly and started devouring the text message with her eyes. “Oh, god! Ajax wrote that you and Xavier had a big fight! What happened between you two?” “If I had committed a murder, the interrogation would have been much more pleasant than the one everyone’s giving me today,” Wednesday said irritably, casting an indifferent glance at Enid’s worried face. She lay down on the bed and crossed her arms over her chest. Her plump lips tightened almost imperceptibly. “Wednesday, what happened between you and Xavier?” Enid asked quietly. “Please, tell me. It’s really important.” Wednesday continued to adhere to the strategy of ignoring. She lay still. Her chest slightly rose and fell with her breath. If you didn’t look closely, you might think that Wednesday had departed for a better world. “Don’t be silent, please!” Enid suddenly exclaimed loudly. “Xavier is feeling very, very bad right now. He’s desperate. He’s just repeating your name and wrecking the boys' dorm. Ajax doesn’t know how to help him. That’s why we need to know what happened between you and Xavier. Do you really not care about his condition at all?” She stared at Wednesday’s impassive face. Nothing. Not a single emotion. Does Wednesday Addams have no heart at all? Of course, that’s not true. Despite the visible calm, a storm was raging inside Wednesday. She didn’t care about Thorp’s state. She herself was slowly falling apart into a thousand pieces. Her heart burned in the flame of pain and now was just a handful of ashes. Wednesday never spared the feelings of people around her. She’s not Mother Teresa. Wednesday is an egoist, but she can’t be called heartless. She always thought that there was absolute emptiness in her chest. But everything changed when Wednesday’s dark eyes met with smiling green ones. At that moment, her black heart first made itself known. It froze each time at the sound of his name. Tyler Galpin. Even now, it was hard to breathe from the memory of the curly-haired boy with a sprinkle of freckles on his cheeks. He’s a betrayer. Hyde’s sharp claws finally reached their cherished goal and ripped Wednesday’s heart to shreds. She was so deeply immersed in her thoughts that she became disconnected from reality. Wednesday hoped that Enid, seeing her blatant indifference, had already run off to calm poor Xavier. No miracle happened. Music was quietly playing in the room, and Enid’s voice could be heard against the backdrop. “Wow, nothing… Really? … What did she do? … Cut him? For what? … Confessed his love? Who? Xavier? … And why did she reject him? … Thing, you think it’s somehow related to… Hmm, I think so too.” Damn, Thing. “Spilled everything, traitor? As if it wasn’t enough that you intruded into my bag without asking, but you also spied on me,” Thing retreated and hid in a gigantic pile of Enid’s stuffed toys. “This won’t help you. I’ll find you anyway.” Enid silently approached and gently sat down on the edge of the bed. She squeezed Wednesday’s cold hand in a reassuring gesture. “Take it easy. Thing and I want to help you. You’ve been very tense lately. It’s because of Tyler, isn’t it?” “What does he have to do with it?” Wednesday rudely shook off Enid’s hand and abruptly got up from the bed. “Ever since it was revealed that he is Hyde, you’ve become unrecognizable.” Wednesday wanted to object, but Enid raised her open palm in front of her, asking her to stop. Surprisingly, the gesture worked. “You’ve abandoned your typewriter, stopped playing the cello. Those were the things that brought you joy. Now you’ve started skipping classes and often come with unfinished homework. You’re not just avoiding Xavier, right? And you rejected him because of feelings for another guy? Am I not right?” “In the name of Ted Bundy’s legacy, stop spouting this nonsense,” Wednesday crossed her arms in a defensive gesture. “Enid, you see romantic suffering in everything, but that doesn’t mean it’s there. I’m not you. I don’t have any inspiration now. Call it a creative crisis, if you want. I rejected Xavier because I don’t like him. There’s no need to bring in any mysterious influences on my psyche from outsiders.” “But Tyler isn’t just anyone. You’re not indifferent to him…” “If you finish that sentence, your parents will have an exciting quest waiting for them. They will be searching for black bags with parts of your body all over the state of Vermont.” Wednesday began to slowly distance herself from the dumbfounded Enid, moving towards the window. An oppressive silence hung in the room. “Leave me alone. I’m going to sleep.” “Wednesday, are you serious? You never slept during the day.” Enid looked bewildered at her roommate’s preparations for bed. One by one, Wednesday pulled off her heavy boots, then changed into a black silk pajama. She lay down on the bed, covered herself with a blanket, and turned towards the wall. Wednesday relaxed at the sound of the closing door. Finally, she can be by herself. Alone. Just her. Wednesday closed her eyes. Dreams are now the only place she can be with Tyler. Her heart thumped uncomfortably. Did she really like him? Possibly. But Wednesday will never admit it. Not even to herself. She will never utter the dreaded 'l' word, or else she will become vulnerable and weak to those around her. Wednesday tightly shut her eyelids. As she fell asleep, the image of a smirking Xavier briefly flashed in her mind. “You’re weak, Wednesday!” he said mockingly.