Why Akutagawa doesn't have a cat

“Brother, let’s adopt a cat!” Gin said and gazed at Ryunosuke with such pleading expression, that only a log could have ignored her plea. “Emn…” Akutagawa blinked, “if I were Dazai-san, I would have told you that…” Of course, Akutagawa was no log, but he had no idea what Dazai-san would’ve told Gin in his place. Gin kept on looking at her brother, and the whole Universe reflected in her eyes. Ryunoske sighed. “OK”. And so the cat was adopted. He was a ginger, small and cute. Gin was absolutely happy. She played with the cat, and fed him, and cleaned up for him, and, when necessary, covered up all the evidence of his crimes. To be honest, the necessity to do this happened too often: the cat, who was simply named Nyangoro, tore wallpapers with passion, jumped all over the tops of cupboards and wardrobes that belonged to Akutagawa siblings, used his owners’ futons as scratching mats and destroyed all the breakable dishes. Things winded down a little after Nyangoro had tried to hunt Akutagawa by jumping at him in the corridor, and the latter activated Rashoumon because of being taken by surprise. The kitty realized that the Big Black Dragon was to be feared, and became very well behaved around Ryunosuke. There was nothing to destroy anymore, the kitten stopped tearing the wallpapers, and only jumped on cupboards’ tops when the Big Black Dragon was not at home. And then disaster struck. Once, as the kitty landed on top of a wardrobe, its door opened, and he saw the Wardrobe Kingdom he had never seen before. As expected, Akutagawa Ryunosuke’s personal wardrobe was full of his personal clothes, and few coats were hanging there, too… Of course, all the belongings bore the scent of their owner, strong enough to be recognized by a cat’s sensitive nose, but the cat’s delight and amusement prevailed the instinct of self-preservation. There was nobody at home, not only the Big Black Dragon was absent, but the sweet and caring Mistress, too, and without further ado, Nyangoro jumped on a shelf… He lied around on the lower shelf, and then moved to the next one, then to the next one, until he reached the top. There were no more shelves to lie around, and the kitty, still full of delight, rubbed his back against all the coats. Well, of course they reminded of the ferocious dragon… But those things were so cool! How could he resist!? Coming home after a tiresome working day, Gin found her brother’s wardrobe with its door opened, and the pretty ginger kitty was sleeping inside of it, under Akutagawa’s coats. Gin was terrified. As the sister stood there, speechless and spaced out, the brother returned home, too. “Ah”, Akutagawa said as he froze at his room’s door, staring at his sister, the wardrobe, and the cat, with delirious expression, “Wha..?” “I’ll clean everything myself!” Gin exclaimed and ran off to look for a lint remover. “Oh”, Ryunosuke murmured, and realized that he had ran out of all the sounds he could have proclaimed today. Somehow, by the joint forces of the both Akutagawas, the majority of fur strands were removed from Akutagawa-senior’s clothes. Removing all the red fur from black clothes is, however, an impossible mission anyway. “Are you… deeply offended?” Gin asked with caution. Her brother shrugged in reply and went off to bed, making sure the doors to his room were closed. Nyangoro gazed at his Mistress, and the whole Universe reflected in his eyes. Gin sighed, as she understood that the kitty’s fate was inevitable, and put an extra portion of cat’s food in his bowl. The next day Akutagawa appeared at his working place in a gloomier mood than usual. From time to time he was shaking off something, nervously, from his sleeves, and some of his most attentive subordinates could swear they heard soft nyaa-ing when being around their boss. “Higuchi!!” “Y-yes, Senpai?” “Do you like cats!?” Akutagawa’s glance was so ferocious, as if he was about to ask a follow-up question, like whether she preferred them roasted or toasted. “Yes, Senpai!” Higuchi replied cheerfully, and suddenly a red cat’s head popped from underneath of Akutagawa’s cravat. “Nyaa?” Nyangoro said. “Would you like to adopt him?” Akutagawa pointed at the red head. “Oh! I’d be more than happy!.. But my younger sister is allergic to cats…” Akutagawa’s face became even more ferocious. “What’s up, guys?” A voice from the above said, and the two Mafioso saw the third one, named Nakahara Chuuya, who came flying from the roof of a close building. “A cat”, Akutagawa Ryunosuke’s short reply was. “Lovely”, Nakahara said. “How disgusting!..” His hand in a fancy black glove touched the kitty’s head with grace. “Would you mind if I adopted him?” “Do it!” Akutagawa replied promptly, handing Nyangoro over to his new owner, and watched the latter place the kitty in his hat. “Aww, my nasty one! Do you love hats? And what about some fine wine?.. Oh, but you’re too small for it now… OK, let’s go home, I shall feed you… something. So, how should I name you? Stop gobbling my fingers!.. Fine! I’ll name you Dazai!!” The baby talk of one of the most dangerous Port Mafia members could be heard for a long time, as the two redheads, one with a hat in his hands, another inside of the hat, were moving across the street towards Nakahara’s house. And Akutagawa was busy inspecting his cravat with great suspicion, but couldn’t make sure whether all the red strands of fur were removed or not. “…Oh, I wish I had a cat!” said Gin one evening without expecting anything. “Nope, that won’t do”, her brother replied and glanced at his lap, habitually checking out his black jeans for red fur. “If I were Dazai…-the-cat, I would’ve told you: I am happy living with Chuuya!” And that’s why Akutagawa doesn’t have a cat. P.S. Akutagawa-junior, however, will surely have one someday, when she will live alone or just adopt a Sphynx cat.