is love stupid?

***

                    

#Red — Hymn For The Missing

                           “Love does not exist”, was the slogan with which Jeon Jungkook began his morning every time.       A lover of black in his life, the guy had not only a dark and heavy look, but also a soul to match his favorite color. His whole life and surroundings: streets, houses, people were gray, boring and soulless for him, just like himself. He is such a depressive person that he rejected all the brightest moments in his life and each time came to the conclusion that these are all myths, blurred hopes that everything will necessarily be as the person himself wants.       Jungkook was not always like this: after the incident that broke him in adolescence, the brunette finally changed his worldview, drowned in dark colors and closed himself in, constantly thinking about how to leave this world as soon as possible.       Life flowed like a full-flowing river, taking with it all the garbage, adversity and leaving in the soul all the most pleasant, only occasionally with a bitter aftertaste of disappointment. But not at Jungkook’s. It seemed that all those moments when the guy had glimpses, those same white stripes, they were successfully covered with gloomy events, and Jungkook stopped being surprised. He dressed in all black again and hurried to drown in the night Seoul.       The piercing wind greeted him with its cold embrace, but Jungkook only closed his eyes, turned on the music louder and walked towards him, sighing heavily. He loved to wander around the city at night, wearing a dark-colored mask on his face, his blue-black hair was constantly swayed by the breeze, and his dark and piercing gaze only occasionally glided over the faces of passers-by.       Jungkook is only twenty-two, he just learned to live, but he was already disappointed in this fucking life so much that he categorically refused to leave his comfort zone.                     The young man is so carried away by his thoughts that he does not notice at all how he encounters someone and how this stranger settles to the ground and mutters something dissatisfied. Jungkook reluctantly lowers his gaze lower, trying to make out a person in the dark, stretches out his hand and feels a warm, just unrealistically hot palm in his own. The kid who so carelessly collided with the Hook, tenaciously grabs the outstretched hand and rises to his feet, catching himself and starting to shake off his ass. Jungkook chuckles and is about to go on, when suddenly he hears:       ”Hey, and apologize?”       “And why?” thinks Jungkook. This is completely unnecessary.       He didn’t really have time to remember this boy, only that his hair was blond and his eyes were too kind. Usually, Jungkook did not meet such people. And it’s not in his competence to get acquainted. Therefore, he simply walked on, leaving behind him an incomprehensible young man and his outstretched hand, hoping to get acquainted or something like that.                     

***

                           Every day is more cloudy than the previous one. Especially today, when going to the first couple and so in scrap. Jungkook looks around his room with a sleepy look, yawns widely and stretches in bed. Horror, like laziness to go anywhere, but responsibility is in the blood. He still gets up, goes to the kitchen, irritatingly shuffling his feet. He makes himself strong coffee, and then hurriedly goes to study at the institute. Another carbon copy day, the only reason he got up so early today is philosophy. He definitely won’t miss this lecture. The teacher expressed his point of view quite interestingly every time, different from Jungkook, so the guy just loved to tease the old man and grinned when he got tired of the next discussion and lagged behind Jungkook, pretending to accept his point of view.       So today, the first thing Mr. Ahn does is pick up Jungkook and ask him a question, while everyone present at the lecture immediately turned to the black-haired man and waited expectantly for an answer to the question.       ”Jungkook-ssi, what do you think “love” is?”       The man carefully looked at the boy and waited for another look different from his opinion.       ”Stupidity”, the first thing the guy says, and then continues. ”It’s just a combination of five hormones, no more. A real person does not need love, it blinds a person’s consciousness, destroys him and makes him do rash things, and if love is unhappy and non-reciprocal, then it also becomes a reason for the emergence of a desire to commit suicide or cause any damage to his body. Love makes a person stupid, tells you to think with your heart, not with your head. A man driven by love is too vulnerable and vanilla. I am sick of people who show such feelings towards each other”.       Jungkook had already finished his speech, when suddenly a low voice was heard in the other side of the audience, which made the teacher and all the other students turn to him.       ”Only in love and through love a person becomes a person. Without love, he is an inferior being, devoid of genuine life and depth and unable to act effectively or adequately understand others and himself”, the blond guy expresses his opinion, and Jungkook listens to him attentively and grins.       “What the hell is he talking about?”       But his thoughts are interrupted again.       ”Love is the center of life, the most important thing in it is that it is stronger than anything in the world — stronger than the bonds of blood, stronger even than the instinct of life. Entering the life of humanity, love changes the whole structure of its values. This is a completely new stimulus among the stimuli of human behavior, and when it appears, it casts its reflection on all other stimuli, shifts their balance, dramatically changes proportions”.       ”And what do you say to the fact that during antiquity there was no love, but there was only a bodily eros, a simple sexual attraction?” now Jungkook interrupted that boy, the bailiff from his seat, and the teacher looked at one student, then at another and got some pleasure from these almost real debates.       ”For the ancients, love is a mixture of honey and poison. Along with the appearance of love, not only the joys of life have grown dramatically, but even more — her sorrows, her pain, anxiety. Love is a huge psychological perception enhancer, and it increases happiness and unhappiness in people’s eyes, and maybe unhappiness is even more than happiness. And that is why there is so much grief and pain in the ancient drama, in the ancient lyrics, and in general among poets of all other eras — from Petrarch to Blok and Mayakovsky. What do you say to that, hmm? Love is the biggest stupidity that exists in the world”.       Jungkook put an end to his saying and sat down, but, to be honest, he was waiting for a response from that guy. And after all, he did not take long to wait.       ”Love forms a person, inspires her and gives her courage, making her able to go against everything, even her own life. Despite everything, love makes its way to its triumph, the “eternally masculine” and the “eternally feminine” are steadily striving towards each other. No power, no land, no coffin will cool a young passion!”       ”Well, well, young people, stop this senseless argument”, the blond-haired teacher interrupted. ”Thank you, Taehyung-ssi, for your point of view, but Jungkook-ssi is impenetrable. It’s useless for him to say that. So, I have some idea”.       Jungkook thoughtfully looked at his notebook in a cage, and when it came to some idea there, he raised his cold gaze at the teacher and grunted with displeasure.       ”I suggest that you, Jungkook-ssi, together with Taehyung-ssi, study the Renaissance from the point of view of the representation of love there. I give you exactly two weeks for a joint report. And the most important condition is a common opinion, not a different one. That will be the problem. You’re completely different, but it’s good for both of you to work together. Especially you, Jungkook-ssi”.                     

***

                           All evening, Jungkook thought about Mr. Ahn’s words and his stupid idea of teaming up with some Kim Taehyung. There are so many people in the audience, and, it seems, Kook knows almost everyone by sight, but he does not remember this young man, only a kind look suggests that somewhere Jungkook has already met this guy, maybe even bumped into him, but the train of thought was disrupted by the doorbell. The guy lazily got up from the sofa and hurried to open the door. The same Taehyung was standing on the threshold and smiling a silly square smile.       ”Will you miss it? Or are we going to study with you on the threshold?”       Jungkook just grinned and let the guy inside his apartment. For some reason, Taehyung continued to smile and admired the corridor, the walls of which were painted in dark tones.       ”I thought so, you probably even have black bed linen, right?”       Taehyung lets out a laugh and walks into the living room, while Jungkook is stupidly silent, but Taehyung follows and sighs heavily. Kim reminds him of a bright ray that eats into his consciousness too much, and then can abruptly go out and no longer appear. The big smile of the elder is really dazzling, and Jungkook thinks about how it is possible to be like that at all. Tae literally shows with his whole appearance that he adores the positive, that he himself is it and that he thinks completely differently, and Jungkook cringes at the very thought of how to work with such a person.       He gestures to Kim to sit on the sofa, and he goes to his room to grab a laptop and notebooks, they will probably write down their thoughts first, and only then look for at least some similarities or compromise options.       ”In the Renaissance, the theme of love blossomed in an atmosphere of general keen interest in everything earthly and human, which is being released from the control of the church”, Taehyung begins, and then glances at Jungkook, who was sitting on the floor and typing something on a laptop. Kim continues:       “Love” has regained the status of a philosophical category of life, which it had in antiquity with Empedocles and Plato, and which was replaced in the Middle Ages by the status of religious-Christian”.       Jungkook looks up at him, appraises him somehow, and then still speaks, and does not make any hisses.       ”In Bruno’s dialogue “On Heroic Enthusiasm”, love appears as different in principle from “irrational impulse, striving for something bestial and unreasonable.” A heroic, fiery passion that inspires a person in his struggle and striving for knowledge of the great mysteries of nature, strengthens him in contempt for suffering and fear of death, calling for feats and promising the delight of unity with the mighty, inexhaustible and infinite Nature. She’s going to ruin humanity anyway, whether we want it or not, Taehyung”.       ”Hyung”, Kim added for some reason, narrowing his eyes unkindly. He had a lot of indignation, and he begins to express a couple of them. ”First of all, hyung. Secondly, Jungkook-yi, “Love” is everything, and it affects everything, and everything can be said about it, everything can be attributed to it”.       Jungkook rolls his eyes and sighs heavily. And if he had previously considered himself a stubborn sheep, defending his point of view, then today he met with another one of the same.       Y-yes, it will be hard for them. After all, they are like heaven and earth, the sun and the moon — completely opposite in their views and interests.                     

***

                           A whole week of “bloody” disputes between the guys passes, but at the end of the week, it is still possible to find something in common in the opinion that Jacob Boehm represented love as a cosmic force and declared it and anger essential properties of the deity and the driving spring of human history, where they turn into good and evil, respectively. Taehyung, though he was a bright guy, but skillfully, even miraculously managed to convince Jungkook that without love he would not have been born then. After all, his parents wanted him, Jungkook, he was a welcome child, he was raised in love, cared for and cared for. That’s where Jungkook couldn’t resist the elder’s sayings, so he admitted defeat.       It would be appropriate to say that this week, in the same amazing way, Taehyung managed to get a little closer to this depressed man-philosopher, even to make him involuntarily smile and hear sincere laughter. After all, a kind and sympathetic person is hiding behind the mask of a cold and gray lump, and Kim really wants to take him out, so he begins to stay at Jungkook’s house for an unacceptably long time, until he stays at his place overnight, because it’s a long way to go home, and buses no longer run. Jungkook had to leave this misunderstanding at home, so now, at three o’clock on Saturday morning, they are sitting in the kitchen and drinking hot and strong black tea.       ”Taehyung-hyung, then what do you think is “good”? Does it even exist?”       Jungkook sits opposite the elder, lips folded into a tube, exhales a warm stream of air and tries to cool his tea. With milk, unfortunately, he does not like to drink, he has to wait until the tea cools down a little. Taehyung raises his surprised gaze at him and somehow gently smiles, approaches closer, moving the chair almost into a tight one, and then looks into the bottomless black eyes opposite.       ”Kindness is when a person first of all thinks about others, about those who are dear to him. Kindness is when you give joy to those you like, it’s when, for example, you share the last piece of chocolate”.       And then Taehyung’s loud and bass laugh reaches Jungkook’s ear, because he takes out a package from his pocket that vaguely resembles a chocolate bar, unwraps it, and then grabs the last piece of chocolate and pokes it into Jungkook’s closed lips. For some reason, the younger one obediently opens his lips, and Kim sends chocolate there, and then licks his long fingers, which he has already managed to take to sweets.       ”Delicious, isn’t it?”       Taehyung asks, and for some reason Jungkook hangs and thinks if it’s delicious. He doesn’t know what he’s doing at all, so he reaches for hyung’s hand, and then, carefully opening his mouth, pulls out the tip of his tongue and runs it over hyung’s long and elegant fingers. The blonde immediately freezes in place, afraid to move, and Jungkook is already sucking two fingers and looking into the eyes of the elder. Taehyung is red, it seems that he is about to burst from his embarrassment, and Jungkook, having finally finished his business, grins and lowers hyung’s hand, while saying.       ”Delicious, Taehyung-yi”.       Taehyung, it seems, is already burgundy. He coughs nervously and mumbles something inarticulate. But Jungkook clearly hears: “idiot piece, I was talking about chocolate.”       Perhaps some unknown force was driving Jungkook, but he still does not know why he did it. And how can he look into his hyung’s eyes now? In fact, Taehyung did not avoid the younger one after that, even somehow, on the contrary, he began to spend more time with him on breaks at the institute, wrote funny SMS at boring lectures, and after them he tried to catch up with the younger one and rush to hug him. Taehyung knew perfectly well that Jungkook didn’t like all these veal tenderness, but he couldn’t deny himself the pleasure of listening to Jeon’s dissatisfied grumbling. Therefore, he is now flying like a bullet at the younger one and squeezes him in his arms, saying something about how terribly he missed him.       Taehyung is a tactile maniac, he can’t live a day without touching, so when he first got to know Jungkook better, he immediately decided for himself that despite all the principles of Jungkook about tenderness, Tae will spit on them and will do whatever he comes to his senses.       It’s just like now: Jungkook is peacefully snuffling, lying on the couch, and Taehyung is sitting opposite him, on the floor, and shamelessly looks at a beautiful face, stretches his lips in a satisfied smile and sighs heavily.       They decided to get together again today to write their next thoughts about the joint report, and there are already four days left before its delivery. Taehyung had been hanging out on his laptop before, looking for some articles on philosophy there, and Jungkook said that while he would lie down and think, apparently, the poor guy had fallen asleep, and he was sleeping the sound sleep of a baby. Taehyung gets to his feet, sits on the edge of the sofa and gently runs his fingertips along the younger’s cheek.       Yeah, that’s right, that’s right: Taehyung is in trouble. Even before that, he was attracted by interesting and unusual people, different from his surroundings and himself, and then there’s a guy like Jungkook — beyond dreams. Cold on the outside, but certainly hot and passionate on the inside. Although, yes, exactly, passionate. The character of the younger one was just fire, and the look, even if icy, was so burning that Taehyung, like a confused butterfly, fell for this fiery light, and now there is no hope to get out.       Kim carefully settles down next to him, throws her arm around Jungkook’s waist and snuggles up to him, and then lifts her head and quickly touches her lips to Jungkook’s lips. Just pecked on someone else’s lips and that’s it. I laid back down, hugged him tightly and did not notice how I closed my eyes and went on a sweet journey to visit Morpheus.       Taehyung woke up from the fact that someone stroked his blond hair, then touched his plump lips with the pads of his fingers, and with his other hand led along his thigh and exhaled all the air almost into his lips. Opening his eyes almost completely, Taehyung is faced with the discouraged look of the younger, and a little later — with his lips. They taste so sweet, intoxicating that it’s impossible to stop. Jungkook kisses, drowning in the tenderness that comes from hyung, he is not aware of his actions, but stubbornly believes in his thoughts that he is doing the right thing, that this is all…       So, stand, feelings? But this is all nonsense! Jungkook himself had previously rejected all manifestations of love, all tactile sensations and… But, damn this Taehyung, how did it happen that Jungkook considers it a mistake to break away from Taehyung’s lips now? How can you force yourself to think about something else when you are so passionately kissed and pressed closer to yourself? How to stop drowning in dark brown eyes and a sincere and wide smile? Where did Taehyung come from and why did everything happen so quickly? How did that bright and kind kid manage to change something in Jungkook? Did he get into his mind and turn everything around there?       That’s just the way it is. Jungkook did not even notice how he succumbed to emotions buried deep in his heart, did not pay attention to how he began to smile at Taehyung in response and how he looked at him for a long time and stuck, having long forgotten about his own words that love is stupidity.       Because right now he is drowning in this love and sweet moans of Taehyung, when Jungkook kisses his skin below the navel, when he covers his entire body with kisses, not ignoring the pelvic bones, the inner sides of the thighs. Jungkook is going crazy from the elder’s eyes burning with excitement and the way he bends under him and pulls out his name, while Jungkook furiously drives into his body and presses him harder.       Nonsense, right, Jungkook-yi?       It was stupid to reject all this, because having met your own person on your life path, you quickly forget about the principles that you said, you begin to burn from these feelings and give yourself completely to them, which is what the guys are doing right now.       A good and kind boy Taehyung proved to a stubborn philosopher, a follower of the opinion “all this is nonsense, your love and feelings”, that it was all a mistake.       And Jungkook, who was completely drowned in love with Taehyung, thought about the topic “what is love” in some other direction, and in defense of his joint report with Taehyung, he gave out a phrase, after which just everyone fell into a stupor.       ”Love is the best thing that has ever happened to humanity. Love is a way to show a person dear to you how much you value them and are afraid of losing them. Love is Taehyung”.       And stupidity is disbelief in love and in its magical and wonderful power to connect the hearts of two halves of one whole.                     

***