part one.
November 14, 2023 at 4:23 PM
People: The most, very different, they know how to love and care for each other. People: They can be passionate about their work, not noticing their own needs. People: They can feel unbearable pain and joy. People: They're weird as hell. And love... love-love-love, what’s good about it? She causes pain, fear... in the worst case. If you are lucky, then you are infinitely happy. But what does this happiness consist of? Happiness is different for everyone... and one cannot say that it is unlimited happiness.
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— I wonder at what moment I started caring about him so much? Since when did I lose my pride? From what moment did I give up my freedom for him? From what moment did I become interested in him as a person? Since when did I no longer cross the threshold of the magic mirror? — Thoughts were flying like a hurricane. I would drown them out with noise or music. Even banal conversations will be enough. The main thing is not to plunge headlong into them... otherwise you will drown in this abyss until the very end. Which most likely is not the case. — You painted all night again, forgetting about sleep. I feel sorry for you. I feel so sorry for you that sometimes I want to strangle you, just so you don’t torture yourself. You haven’t slept for two days, and today you just passed out from fatigue. You irritate me terribly with your behavior, but I love you. — Passing by the rooms of Edd’s roommates, Tamara enters the room. “I’d like to wake you up and scold you properly, but it’s better for you to rest.” Ringo settled down next to you. And I’ll just sit on the edge of the bed and watch. Observe and imagine what you are dreaming about. Maybe you're dreaming... of a summer waterfall? August.. It’s deep night, you can hear the crackling of a fire, it gives off warmth, and a beautiful, large waterfall. This waterfall seems like an abyss, so unknown, so cold, and frightening that it is mesmerizing. Stars are visible in the sky, there is also a yellowish moon, and a red stripe is highlighted, as if on purpose. You are alone. One with the abyss, and the pretty, melodic sound of a fire... Maybe you're dreaming about rain? Cold drops of rain fall on the asphalt, knock on the windows, and you sit and draw, exhausting yourself to a critical state. And on the table there are seven cans of cola. Mainly cloudy. Clouds covered the sky, and the fog absorbed everything so much that neither the towers nor Big Ben were visible. Maybe you are dreaming of stars? Oh, stars!!. Stars-stars-stars. They are beautiful. It doesn't matter whether they destroy you or show you the way. They will always shine brightly, bringing some kind of smile to your face. Which suits you so well... Or maybe you're not dreaming. Just soulless darkness that can drive you into the darkest corners of your thoughts, and then get out of them as you wish. Your beautiful smile will fade and I won't see it. I just want to see the smile on your face..
