What a lucky coincidence

"Your papers, please. Let’s see who we have here. Well, well! Mr Snape." "Already forgotten me, Mr Potter? And here I thought I made a name for myself at Hogwarts." "Well, fame isn’t everything. I’m still supposed to check the papers." "And I see you still can’t do without waving your wand around like a fool." "No other choice here, sir. It’s my job. As you probably know, I’m now a senior officer in the Magical Law Enforcement Departement, keeping an eye out for wizards who break Muggle laws. And today, I caught one overzealous potions professor. May I ask you why you were speeding so fast, Professor Snape?" "Me? Speeding? No way!" "Thirty miles, sir. And that’s within the city limits. That’s a serious offence, Professor!" "Oh, yeah? I remember you putting thirty drops too much of beetle juice into the attention potion at Advanced Potions. What an irony! And also you grumbling, 'Not like there’s any difference!'" "Vindictive and unforgiving as always, aren't you, sir? I was only sixteen at that time, for Merlin’s sake! You took a hundred points off Gryffindor for that!" "Which was way too little in my opinion! You were like your father even then: lazy, spoiled to the core, as arrogant as....." "Sorry to interrupt your ranting, sir. What an irony, indeed! It may not have escaped your notice that it was you who broke the rules of Muggle traffic, and therefore it is me who has to charge you points today! And in hard currency — I'm quite sure your Muggle credit card is linked to a Gringotts account in Galleon!" "My, what eloquence! Your wittiness is really off the scale today!" "The only thing off the scale here is your speedometer. Open the boot, sir. What’s that in your Ogden bottle?" "Just a potion. An experimental calming balm." "How very original. I have some bad news for you, sir: Apparently, your experiment was a failure. You tried to make Ogden’s fire whiskey but got bad Muggle whiskey instead!" "Why is it bad? 'Auchentoshan' is a fine bourbon." "There is no whisky apart from Islay scotch, and 'Lagavulin' is its prophet." "You do know a thing or two about perversion, don't you, Mr Potter!" "Thank you, I’m honoured. Being complimented by an expert like yourself is worth a lot. What’s that in your bags?" "Don’t you see?" "Answer the question, sir." "Points." "What?" "Well, you want to take points off me, don’t you? You said so yourself five minutes ago." "Oh, those are points, sir? I think I’ll take them off you, then, that's right." "How many?" "Let’s say, uh, a thousand?" "A thousand, Mr Potter? Isn't that way too much for such a minor offence like speeding thirty miles over the city limits? That’s five thousand Muggle pounds sterling!" "So you no longer deny the fact that you were speeding! No, a thousand will be just fine, Professor. Not those green points, however. I’d like to take away your red points!" "Red? But I’m a Slytherin! Is your memory so poor, Mr Potter, that you don’t remember that Gryffindor points used to be measured in rubies, and Slytherin points in emeralds?" "Why, I do remember it perfectly well. But, you see, today I am the one setting the rules. That’s why I’m taking 1,000 red points off you!" "But that’s fifty thousand pounds sterling!" "Too exorbitant of a sum for you? Well, there is another option, Professor!" "Oh? Which one, Mr Potter?" "You can put yourself at the mercy of the law." "Could you explain it to me in more detail?" "Of course, sir. You see, since I am the representative of the law, that is, a member of the authorities, you may surrender yourself to my power and redeem your guilt in the steel grip of law." "Surrender myself to you, a member of the authorities?" "That’s right. To test the power of my wand, so to speak." "What an… unconventional suggestion. Do you have an especially strong wand, Mr Potter?" "I’m not complaining, Professor." "That doesn’t mean much. I don’t know, maybe you don't need a lot to be satisfied." "See for yourself." "Wow! Impressive." "My wand is both longer and thicker than average!" "Well, I don’t know… this is certainly unexpected… You see, I haven’t exactly dealt with authorities' wands until now… On the other hand, a thousand points is a thousand points, isn’t it? What do you think?" "Very sound judgement, sir, very sound." "Mr Potter, I repent wholeheartedly and agree to surrender myself to the law in order to redeem my guilt in its steely grip!" "The law appreciates your willingness to cooperate, sir, and the punishment will be highly… severe." "And where would it please you… to carry out that harsh but undoubtedly deserved sentence?" "I’ll sit in the passenger seat with you, and around that corner, there’s a cul-de-sac road where you’ll park your car. I was waiting here for you on purp-… I meant to say, that's exactly the right place for it. That’s enough, this is where we’ll stop, Professor. Switch off the engine and hand me the ignition key." "Ahhhh!" "Just a little transfiguration, sir. We’ll be a bit cramped in that seat, otherwise." "Wait!.. Are those… handcuffs?" "Did you think I was joking when I spoke of the 'the steel grip of the law', sir?" "But pink fur, Mr Potter? This is completely out of line!" "It’ll fit through the backdoor just fine, I guess. The emerald velvet, however, is in Slytherin colours, just as you wished." "Your wand! It has grown even bigger!" "You need to experience its full power, remember, Professor?" "Uh-oh… Mr Potter… you’re totally crushing me…." "Your steering wheel is poking me into the sacrum, and you don't hear me complaining! You have done wrong, so take full responsibility for that." "Oh… Merlin…" "Oh, Merlin! You’re so tight… hot… sweet… You're driving me crazy… Your skin is so soft… Those scars on your white neck… I’d kill him over and over again for every single scar you have… Oh, wrap your legs around me tighter… Your lips are as intoxicating as Islay whiskey… Hold me… Se-ve-rus…." *** "Here you are, Professor, your licence and the ignition key. How do you feel now after... uhm... having made amends?" "Sitting is a bit uncomfortable, if you know what I mean, Mr Potter, but overall…er…." "Your expectations were exceeded." "Outstandingly exceeded, I'd even dare to say." "In other words, you see now how true remorse benefits an offender. So please don't break any more Muggle traffic rules, other than on my watch and on my patch." "And you, Auror Potter, be so kind to let me know your duty rota. I was forced to use Legilimency on your friend Auror Weasley!" "What?! Does that mean that you lured me here on purpose? Wait, where are you going?! Professor Snape! Severus! Severus, stop! In the name of law! A-a-a-agr-rghhh! Attention! All stations! This is Auror Potter speaking! I want a grey Bentley HW 3107 HJP heading from Battersea towards Chelsea Bridge immediately! Professor Snape at the wheel! Detain at the bridge entrance and await my arrival! Now, you won't get away with just one thousand points, Professor! An intentional violation of the law aggravates the offence a hundredfold. No, a thousandfold! This will cost you a million points! Yes, let's leave it at that. And then, I'll think of something else. Or Severus will."