Lovers who Uncover

“So follow me To the empty ocean We can watch the city Descend behind the skyline On our backs We float away Now forget about the way you used to be Tonight I fail But I never wanted to let you drown without me Tonight We are the only ones to watch it fall apart We slide into our place Where I can watch you swim Don't forget my hands still wrapped around your neck We fall deeper into the ground This night's never looked so hollow I wanted to share this with you with you I'll wait till it opens up again Sit here until the water reaches our necks Finally get to watch them wash away the lies” Underoath - In Completion Lovino's disgust rose to his throat, and he almost retched when he felt that guy's hand continue its clumsy caresses along his neck. If he could, he would have loved to rip his own skin off rather than keep enduring that almost bony hand trying to make its way through his hair and inside his clothes. A repulsive tingling ran over his entire body, it was incredible how a single hand on his neck could cause such reactions. "What do you say? Shall we go?" the man asked again, coming so close that Lovino could sense his breath on his face. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and, listening to his instincts, jumped up from his chair, took the glass he had been drinking from just now, and smashed it into the other guy's face. Howling out in pain, the latter fell from his chair and then proceeded to curse out loudly while the shards of glass were making blood flow from his face. "Don't you ever touch me again, you fucking bastard!" Lovino screamed at the top of his voice and, still not satisfied with having broken the glass on the man's face, took advantage of the fact that he was still on the floor in order to kick him, until the employees of the bar intervened. Amongst the noises of the struggle, a few shouts and the rock ballad that had changed into a violent melody, Lovino was thrown out into the dark streets, where he let out a long series of Italian swear words before leaving. He kept rubbing his neck in an attempt to make the feeling of the man's unpleasant touches go away. Putting on his sweatshirt's hood, he was walking through the empty streets with his head down, wondering since when it had become for him that fucking impossible to be touched by someone else besides Antonio. The Spaniard could do everything he wanted with the Italian's body, but if it was someone else, the latter couldn't even bear the touch of their hand... In which moment had Antonio taken possession of him like that? Lovino ended up leaning against a wall and putting his hands into his pockets again, thinking of his fight with the Spaniard. Finally, he came to a conclusion. Having realized something, he promptly tried to remember the way back to the motel, but even though he wanted to return to Antonio, he wasn't really in a hurry and enjoyed the quiet solitude of the scenery on the way. The scenery, always full of people, problems, lives and routines that were connected to each other. The sight of the empty streets and the stifled sounds coming from the alleys were somehow comforting. However, the walk came to an end, and he saw the sign of the motel again where the last letter was flickering pitifully. The lights were out in most rooms, except for the one he shared with Antonio. Since he had left the keys inside, he knocked on the door, and the Spaniard opened in an instant. His face was marked by a deep sorrow, and despite the relief he felt when he saw Lovino standing at the door, that expression didn't change. "Antonio," the Italian began with a calm, but firm voice, making the other gulp heavily. "I don't want anyone to save me..." Lovino stared into Antonio's eyes, who looked as if he was about to break out in tears. "I want someone to suffocate together with me."  And with these words, he wrapped his arms around Antonio's neck, pulled him closer and kissed him. It hurt... to love and to be together with Lovino definitely hurt, it hurt more than Antonio could take, but he still stayed by the Italian's side, kissed him, pinned him against the wall, took his hands, everything to make sure the other didn't leave. And they were both suffocating, they were stopping to breathe little by little. Of course they did... after all, they didn't have any reason to keep breathing anymore, nothing in this world was worth fighting against the stream of their emotions. There was nothing on the surface. They just let themselves get carried away, sinking deeper and deeper in order to be able to see a bunch of lights on the ground... despite the pain, despite the fights and despite the growing loneliness that could only be soothed by the other's company, there was still an imitation of life, a special and warm fluorescent shining... they just had to let themselves fall... And just like moths being attracted to the light of a fire and flying into their imminent death, Lovino and Antonio were once again feeling attracted to their own destruction. They couldn't be without one another, so they chose to die a slow death in each other's arms. What a beautiful image! To die together with your beloved, to see your end in the eyes of your special person, your end and at the same time, your comfort... These two were living such a wonderful tragedy, and they knew it better than anyone, better than any other person who could have witnessed their love. The eyes of others could never understand the bond between them, the bond that could very well be a piece of barbed wire that was burying itself into their skin and making them bleed, tearing apart their muscles and their body parts if they should ever get separated from each other. "I think it's time to leave this place," Lovino commented, still being pressed against the wall and watching Antonio's eyes acquire a bit of their former vitality when the other smiled at him, a ghost of his old smile. "We'll go wherever you want," the Spaniard replied, taking him by the face and giving him a short, but sweet kiss on the lips, and Lovino ran his fingers over Antonio's eyelids, caressed his long eyelashes and looked with a rare bliss at his partner's emerald eyes, feeling really alive and comforted this time. "Then go with me to hell," the Italian muttered, walked over to the bedside table and picked up what had become his inseparable gun. The two of them packed all their things, trying to not leave anything that could frame them. It was still night, with a few hours left until daybreak. They left their room in a hurry and headed to the reception where a sign said that it was open 24 hours a day. Ringing the bell, they patiently waited until a half-asleep man arrived and greeted them drowsily, asking how he could help them. As soon as he finished speaking, Lovino took out his gun and almost pressed it directly against the man's forehead. The latter widened his eyes. All the color drained from his face. "Give us the money, or I'll blow out your brains," Lovino threatened, but the man needed a moment to react. "Now!" the Italian yelled, punching the counter with his other hand. Startling the man, who nodded frantically, but his movements were so clumsy that Antonio had to jump to the other side of the counter, shove the man away and take all the money he found himself. He also took the book with the guests' registrations. The two of them obviously hadn't indicated their real names, but better safe than sorry. Antonio jumped back with the banknotes and the book and ran to the parking lot in order to get into the car, while Lovino was still threatening the man, who was holding his hands up and shaking like a leaf. When he heard the screeching of tires and sounds of the car starting, Lovino let out a triumphant laugh and ran outside as well, catching up with Antonio in the already moving car. It all had lasted mere minutes. Lovino shut the door when they were already racing away and leaving the motel behind. Knowing that they had managed to escape successfully and with more money than they had thought, the two of them burst out laughing. Lovino even allowed himself to grab all the banknotes and throw them up in the air, causing them to rain down. "We have to celebrate that," Antonio said, holding the steering wheel with one hand, while still racing at full speed, and stuck the other with some effort into his pocket, taking out a few pills he had managed to save from the mess he had made earlier. Lovino smiled even wider and took one of the pills, putting it into his mouth and letting it dissolve. That was when it all had begun... if Lovino were given the opportunity to choose the best time of his life, he would have chosen that current moment without thinking twice. The ecstasy was invading his neurons and a burst of energy swallowing up all his sorrows. He had the feeling as if he was going at the speed of light in that car, sticking his upper body out of the window, feeling the rushing wind on his face, raising his hands to cut said wind with his fingers, and yelling so loudly as if he wanted the entire world to know how great he felt thanks to the drug. The colors had returned, and the city turned into a spectacle made of light and neon signs that were creating a colorful path ahead of them, while the police siren behind them were flickering in beautiful blue and red tones. The police were following them for five minutes already, but he didn't care, even finding it funny. He was invincible! In that very instant, he was immortal. He let out another scream, while Antonio drove even faster and let the police behind. The Spaniard joined him, letting out a triumphant yell that sounded more like the howl of a wild wolf, and they both laughed, while the stars became dull in comparison with the wonderful lights of the city. The police were left behind, and the wind became stronger and stronger, so intense that Lovino had the impression as if he was taken away by it, with his body crumbling and becoming one with the breeze.  He returned his head inside the car in order to give Antonio a wild kiss, while the latter was trying to keep his eyes on the road, but from time to time he did direct them at the Italian, whose lips moved from the other's mouth to his neck, chest and then descending even further. And Antonio was producing deep moans filled with pleasure that got mixed with the adrenaline from the persecution. Just like Lovino, he was feeling as alive as never before; between all the pleasure and the danger, between the love and the adventure, he wouldn't have minded crashing against a wall or a pillar right now and there and dying together with his beloved, in a twisted parody of Romeo and Julia. Their hearts were pounding like crazy, their backs soaking wet with sweat, the police siren becoming quieter and quieter, and the road opening up in front of them, while they were continuing to make fun of law and order and falling in love for the hundredth time, knowing that, maybe tomorrow, they would have new fights and drift away from one another once more. But they were still determined to savor that night, until reality would catch up with them again at daybreak, in an endless cycle. When the effects wore off, when their energy was all gone and their laughter slowly dying, the two guys decided to park at one side of the road, knowing that the police and any other kind of danger were left far enough behind. Still trying to keep the happiness they had enjoyed, they moved to the back seats in order to sleep. Antonio lay down and let Lovino lean onto his body. Before falling asleep, the Italian looked one last time into the Spaniard’s green eyes and let his gaze linger there longer than usual. He burned that night, those eyes and each of their details into this memory, and for a moment, he was overcome by the grotesque thought of ripping out Antonio’s eyes and keeping them in order to be able to see them whenever he wanted and not wait until the other opened them in the morning. “Buonanotte,” was the only thing he said before lying down on the older man’s chest and falling into a deep sleep. “Buenas noches,” Antonio replied, hugging Lovino’s thin body. Once more feeling the urge to wrap his arms tightly around him. The fear that Lovino might escape and leave him was as intense as never before. Antonio was dreaming. He saw himself back at his university’s campus, together with Francis and Gilbert. The three of them were laughing, but it was no prefabricated laughter, this time they were laughing like they used to in their childhood. Walking through the university, he spotted Lovino, who wasn’t that pale anymore, but even had a healthy blush on his cheeks. Frowning as always, but not protesting when Antonio kissed him. In his dream, Lovino was attending his university as well, the four of them were friends and sitting together during the lectures. After having said goodbye to Gilbert and Francis, Lovino and Antonio went to the Spaniard’s home, being welcomed by his smiling parents. They had a conversation, then the couple went upstairs to Antonio’s room where they ordered pizza, put a DVD in and lay down on the bed, watching a mafia movie while joking and eating. And from time to time, ignoring the TV and sharing a kiss. When the movie ended, they talked about stupid and superficial fashion programs, still on the bed, then put in some CD from The Smiths, singing“There’s a light that never goes out”, and chatted about how great and exciting it would be to escape together for real, just like the lyrics said. But then laughing about that stupid idea and instead staying on that comfortable bed, showering each other with love… and then Antonio woke up. Since the rays of the sun shone right into his face without any mercy, the Spaniard started to squirm and let out a few groans, his eyes hurting from the light. Feeling his partner's sudden movements, Lovino also stirred on top of him, and the two of them were left with no other choice than to wake up in their real world. They let out a yawn, but apparently didn't even think about moving from their spot, despite the pain in their backs and necks due to the uncomfortable place they had chosen to sleep in. Instead, they just stayed in their positions, waiting until their sluggishness would leave them.  "Hey, Lovi," Antonio spoke up. The other just made a sound, indicating to him that he was listening. "If we had never left home, how do you think our life would have been right now?" The Spaniard placed his hand on the Italian's head. Lovino wasn't pleased to hear that question, but didn't get the chance to give an answer, anyway, since Antonio just kept talking. "I believe we would attend university together. At this time, I would be about to graduate and surely looking for a place to live together with you, and a job. You and Francis would probably fight all the time, I can imagine... or no, actually, I believe you would fight more with Gilbo, but in the end, the two of you would still be good friends. And maybe you'd introduce me to your brother... I have no clue how he is, now that I think about it, because I've never seen him, but it doesn't matter, I still think I'd get along with him. He's your family, after all."  He made a pause, and his eyes acquired a dreamy look.  "If Feliks were still alive, we'd maybe go to his parties all together. Everyone would surely get intimidated by Ivan." He laughed at the memory of the Russian. "I think Gilbert wouldn't like him, but Francis would try to become friends with him... it'd be fun to go to the place the two of us met for the first time to dance and have a few drinks... yeah... really great." While letting his fantasy run wild, Antonio rolled a few strands of Lovino's hair around his index finger. However, the Italian propped himself up, placing his hands on the other's chest, and gave him a cold gaze. "Feliks is dead, you sent your friends packing, and there isn't anyone left who I could call family. Don't forget that." Lovino was annoyed by all these comments. The cheerfulness in Antonio's face started to fade. He seemed disappointed by being reminded of everything like that, but still forced himself to keep smiling, as if he wasn't affected at all. A really horrible performance, by the way. He nodded slowly and ran his hand once again over Lovino's tousled coppery hair. And then over his face until he reached his lips. "You're right. There's just the two of us. You and I against the world," he said with a smile that was a bit more honest, but still a listless one. The Italian lay down again and looked into the other's green eyes, placing his chin on Antonio's chest. "Antonio... If the world really was against us... would you still stay with me?" he asked with a tone very similar to gentleness. It made a wave of tenderness sweep all over the Spaniard's body and produced an intense blush on the latter's cheeks. "Don't doubt that even for a moment, I promised to never let go of you, after all," he said, kissing the Italian's forehead and being attacked by an intense wave of melancholy, a feeling that turned out of nowhere into fear. Thus, he squeezed Lovino's hands once again with his own in order to make sure that the other was still there. That gentle moment didn't last long, however, because Lovino quickly freed himself to sit down properly and then moved over to the passenger seat, indicating to Antonio that it was time to leave who-knew where. The Spaniard obeyed with the same listlessness his smile was carrying and started the engine, while Lovino took out a map where they had marked all the places they had passed through. Occasionally they entertained themselves by closing their eyes and pointing at random points on the map, making them their next destiny. Which sometimes led to pleasant surprises, other times not, but that day, Lovino let his gaze wander over the entire map and bit his lower lip, as if pondering over a difficult decision. And for some unknown reason, his eyes suddenly focused on a particular place, a city near the one that used to call their hometown. Actually really close to it, if you consider the amount of kilometers between them. "Let's go there," he said, as if someone had taken possession of his tongue and voice. "Are you sure?" Antonio asked, also noticing the obvious closeness between the two cities. "Yes," Lovino replied quietly, folding the map once again and directing his gaze at the road. Antonio merely shrugged and did as told. And once again, the hours passed in the car between an endless straight road and the sounds of the radio. This time, it wasn't a rock melody, but quite the opposite: a song with electronic beats, accompanied by a distorted female singing voice. Lovino seemed to react to it and straightened his back, turning up the volume. "This band was playing in the club we used to go to," he commented, tapping his fingers against his knee to the rhythm of the song and its slightly gloomy lyrics. "Yeah, they actually played the day we first met... I didn't know they'd become popular." He turned up the volume a bit more and started to move his head as well. Antonio's smile widened, while Lovino closed his eyes and dedicated his thoughts to the strange sound of the song and the vocalist that didn't sound very interested in fine-tuning her voice, just singing according to the emotions of that particular moment. "I had no clue that you remembered things like these," the Spaniard commented. "I didn't even think you remembered the day we first met." He was happy about that small, yet romantic detail. "I'm not the insensitive pig you believe me to be, of course I do remember important events," Lovino said, and in order to not make Antonio think that he had given him the freedom to say a bunch of sappy things, he increased the volume as much as he could, closed his eyes again and started to sing the song along which he still knew parts of. Of course he remembered. How could he ever forget that night? His first night of freedom after the rehabilitation center, the night he had felt as if the music was able to take away all the waste from his soul and the colors on the ceiling of the club to wash over the entire world and himself. It was utterly impossible to forget the first time he had seen those green eyes he had become addicted to. At 3 p.m., they stopped in front of a small restaurant in order to eat something and to stretch out their feet for some time. As strange as it sounded, they had a lively conversation during their meal, it was as if Lovino was saying everything he had kept to himself during the previous days. From time to time, even a few comments about his life before their escape slipped from his lips, something he used to avoid at all cost, turning that topic into a taboo. Antonio was happy to be able to talk to Lovino like they used to do when they had just begun going out and talking for hours about themselves, and the days had been flowing like water, like the words they had been exchanging. However, he was starting to take even that as a bad sign... to be honest, the more hours passed, the more fear Antonio was feeling. To such an extent that Lovino seemed like a totally different person to him that day. "I think we should stop here," Lovino commented out of the blue while they were driving through some dirty and partially deserted streets and saw a convenience store. It was one of these that were open 24/7, but it looked as abandoned as the rest of the avenue. "Are you sure?" Antonio inquired. He had a bad feeling in his guts and didn't want to go... for the first time, he didn't agree with an idea. "Yeah, let's stop," Lovino said with an imperturbable calm, perhaps only contradicted by his frown. But since the latter had already become his trademark, it didn't matter. The Italian was about to leave the car, but Antonio grabbed him tightly by the arm. Tighter than he had intended to, burying his fingers into it. "What's the matter?" Lovino asked, turning around. The Spaniard's hands started to get sweaty. "Nothing, there's just something I wanted to do." He ran his hand over Lovino's neck. The latter understood and returned the gesture. Both guys shared a long kiss and then pressed their foreheads together, looking into each other's eyes. "Let's go to hell, Lovi," Antonio joked, forcing himself to laugh. "Together," Lovino added, and after having given each other another short kiss in order to wish for good luck, they left the car. For a tenth of a second, Antonio's feet refused to walk, but the Spaniard forced them to move when he saw Lovino go ahead and enter the shop. The automatic doors opened, and the two of them proceeded as always: walking along the shelves and looking for cameras, while taking things and pretending to be just another pair of normal customers. There were at least three other people there, but it was now or never.  They approached the checkout, where a guy who looked barely older than a teenager was attending people with a sour expression on his face. When Lovino's turn came, the boy looked at him as annoyed as at the customer before him, took the cigarette box and the soft drinks from him and told him the price with a monotone and bored, rude voice. Lovino pretended to take money out of his pocket, and moved his hand to his hip, revealing the gun instead. As soon as the cashier saw the weapon, he put on a panicked expression, especially when Lovino aimed the gun at him. His hand wasn't even trembling. "The money, quick!" he shouted, while the other people who were present were screaming out in fear and throwing themselves to the ground, this time following Antonio's commands, who went around and emptied their pockets, while they were begging for their lives. And while the cashier was taking the money out of the cash register, Lovino kept aiming his weapon at him... however, only a moment, a mere minute of the Italian turning around to Antonio was enough to give the boy a chance to push the alarm button under the cash register... and Lovino never noticed. The cashier handed Lovino the money, but dropped a few banknotes in the process and was forced to pick them up. In the meantime, the Italian was yelling at Antonio to hurry, and the latter did so the best he could. While he finished robbing the last person, a siren resounded from afar, but it didn't startle them, they could still escape. "Hurry!" Lovino yelled, and Antonio headed to him in order to run away together, but a few meters until reaching the car, they saw a police car blocking their way and officers coming out of it. Damn, now they couldn't get to their car anymore! Thus, they chose to run with full speed into the opposite direction. They heard one of the policemen scream and order them to stop, but they didn't, they continued running as fast as their feet allowed them to. But the voices and the siren's echo came closer and closer. In an instinctive reflex, Antonio dropped everything he was carrying to the ground. The banknotes flew a few meters and finally ended up scattered on the street. Lovino did the same without thinking twice, and the two of them stretched out their hands on the run until they reached and grabbed each other. Antonio and Lovino against the world. That was how it felt to them as they were escaping from the police, hand in hand. It was getting hard for them to breathe, their chests started to hurt, and at some moment, Lovino couldn't keep up with Antonio anymore. The Spaniard pulled at his hand in order to force him to go on... Until the ear-piercing sound came that he would never forget for the rest of his life. There was a gunshot, and not a single drug in the world would be able to create the overwhelming feeling of horror that crept over every millimeter of Antonio's skin the moment he felt Lovino's fingers slip out of his grip. The terrifying moment where his promise to never let him go was broken. He could visualize and feel it almost in slow motion: Lovino's fingers brushing his palm while letting go and then the emptiness as he tried to grab him once more. The hollow sound of a falling body. "LOVINO!" The piercing scream that made his throat hurt, his breath leaving him when he saw the Italian fall to the ground. The deadly feeling of suffocation when he abruptly stopped, and the trembling of his legs when he ran towards Lovino... the burning in his knees when he fell on them next to the other. And then he understood the real meaning of fear and widened his eyes when he saw the red, surreal-looking fluid gush out of Lovino's side. The Italian brought his hand to the injury. He was shaking, pitifully panting, and crying. "Antonio..." His voice was trembling as well. "I love you... I always love you."  His eyes lost their shine as he spoke, and every trace of suffering and fear vanished from his face, until it became an expression filled with peace... and relief. His gaze dulled at a terrifying speed. "I always love you when I feel alive." And with these words, he let out his last breath. That was the last thing Lovino said, before the police tackled Antonio and held him to the ground, handcuffing his hands behind his back. That was his last confession before everything turned into beautiful colors. A halo made out of the most wonderful and shining emerald light flooded his eyes and entered the core of his being, overflowing his soul with that green tone that soothed the constant pain that had been plaguing him for years, healed the wounds that had gotten infected due to never have been given the chance to close and always staying open, untied the noose around his neck... he could breathe. He could finally breathe. His kaleidoscopic world spread outside his visual field where the green tone prevailed up to the sky, and the range of all the different colors devoured the darkness on its way, the languid monochromy disappeared between colorful sparkles. It was beautiful... it was life itself. Could it be that he finally found what he had been looking for so long?.. It was warm and perfect. The sum of all the moments he had created with the help of drugs, the long nights when he had made love with Antonio, the feeling of comfort from a hug, elevated to the maximum, the previous night, surrounded by the wind and the city's lights and accompanied by euphoric screams, a sunrise at the end of autumn, seen from a lookout point near the road... that was the moment of pure perfection, a moment that was anything but fleeting. An instant lack of pain, of grudges, of discomfort, unrest and emptiness, a moment of life. One that would last forever at the bottom of the abyss.