Fangirl

When consciousness returned, I found myself in a well-lit ward of the academy’s infirmary. The windows were wide open; the leaves were rustling in the breeze, the birds were singing, and the sun was glorifying the beautiful summer day. I was placed in a spacious bed designed for patients who were to spend some time under the care of the physicians. Lots of flasks and beakers around. Nothing special. I had come out of my magical sleep a few days after the competition figuring that should be enough to convince everyone around me of what they could see with their own eyes in the arena. As soon as I woke up, the healers rushed into my chambers to check on my condition. They asked me a lot of questions about how I was feeling, checking my memory, my ability to establish cause-and-effect relationships, my reaction speed, and other similar attributes of a healthy bender. I answered without too much haste glancing around with a foggy gaze until I was asked how I’d got here. Then, extremely carefully, I was reminded of the past event and congratulated on my victory. I smiled at the news not immediately reacting to the mournful look of the healer having this dialog with me. Next, he sadly had to inform me that my opponent had died. After waiting for the appropriate amount of time, when I first turned pale, then was about to cry, he tried to comfort me having said that, unfortunately for everyone, accidents sometimes happen when the seventh point of the magic channel opens. I bulged my eyes as naturally as possible and dropped my jaw. ‘Yes-yes, my dear,’ the waterbender smiled kindly at me and took my hand. ‘I hasten to congratulate you first: now you are not only the first lady-winner of the elementalist competition, but also a newly minted master-mage. And forget about the accident as soon as possible. It’s an unfortunate tragedy, but there’s nothing that can be done. Try to accept it. He paternally stroked the back of my hand and added, ‘You’ve spent the last five days in a magical sleep as is often the case after opening points. Too much energy drained you of your strength, but you’re doing well now and on the mend.’ The healer left the room giving me time to realize what had happened and gather my thoughts. Little did he know that all I wondered was how Phillip got all of that. Had he gone home? Was he thinking about me? As for the events mentioned, there was nothing to take in. Nikita, for his mortal sin, was punished as he deserved. He had harmed Phillip, he could eventually try again, and there was only one way I could keep my airbender perfectly safe. I could do it quietly and discreetly. But such a skeleton in my closet was no use to me. Not only did I need to punish the firebender, but I also needed to demonstrate my power. When I tried to show my power secretly letting Nikita know about me with a handshake, he didn’t get it and went after Phillip anyway. I needed everyone in the academy to understand that harassing Phillip was a bad idea, since I was his girlfriend. So, not only did I get even with Nikita, and, by the way, I made it look like I wouldn’t get any complaints. The papers I signed had a list of cases that could be fatal for the competitors, one of them being the opening of the seventh point of the magic channel. As for my true intention, I warned all of Phillip’s possible detractors that it was better not to mess with me. The competition had come at just the right time. I knew enough about it, as I did about many other things at the academy, but I wasn’t interested in useless ostentatious events. I read the papers signed by the competitors in my first year, out of interest. The list included cases of exceptional circumstances when a participant could part with their life. These cases were extremely rare, and therefore students cared little about them. People always considered themselves lucky to be bypassed by misfortune or bad luck. Papers and scribes liked precision and certainty, and so the list was an invariable attachment to the signed consent to participate, which unambiguously stated what contingencies the academy was not responsible for. One such item suited me just fine. The opening of the seventh channel point is an extremely rare event in the world of benders. Only the most outstanding and magically gifted elementalists could achieve the opening of all seven points of the source that existed in the body of any of us and ascended along the spinal column, and attain the status of a master-mage. The opening was accompanied by a tremendous release of energy so powerful that no mediocre safety bracelets could costrain it. My magic poured out in white flames, as it should for all born fire mages. Only I myself could survive the outburst, or a bender with as many open points. Everyone else, in physical contact with me at that moment, had no chance of surviving the element in its perfect form. However, the small number of benders who had managed to open the seventh point were not too quick to share knowledge, and so not much was known. For example, not many people knew that the opening was not that difficult to fake. That’s exactly what I did. My father would skin me for revealing it, but there was no choice when your life didn’t belong to you anymore. All I could think about was Phillip. *** I was allowed to leave the infirmary after a few days. The dean of my faculty and the rector spoke to me next. Like aesculapists, they expressed regret for the unfortunate accident, then congratulated me and got down to the matter at hand. By opening the seventh point, I could switch to individualized training under the supervision of one of the masters of magic who taught at the academy. I, aware of my alternatives, pleaded to stay in the group. My request was granted, but in that case I still had to study with the master during free hours to learn how to use the fully revealed source of power. That was our agreement. The dean informed me that a carriage was waiting to take me home; a letter had been sent to my father, who would find it before I arrived. I could depart as early as the next day. Emptiness reigned in the academy. Perfect silence crackled with the rare echo of people lost in space filling the ancient walls. On the floor of my wing, in front of the entrance to the common room, I found Maxim. We exchanged greetings and I invited him in. I offered him a seat in the empty living room, and went to check all the bedrooms in the wing to make sure our conversation would remain private. There was no one there. Maxim sat down in one of the chairs that made up the circle, and I chose the one across, and waited for him to say what he’d come for. I didn’t doubt that I looked confident, but inside I felt cold. The lingering suspicion of what had happened barely allowed me to keep my mask of indifference in place. ‘How are you? ’ he asked. ‘Fine.’ ‘You’ve always been a master-mage, haven’t you? ’ I didn’t say anything. It was obvious. ‘I see,’ Maxim nodded at my silence. ‘You were right not to discuss your revenge with us. We would never have agreed to such a thing! ’ The fire was splashing in the bowl of his mind. The guy was frankly upset, confused, angry. ‘And you absolutely knew that we would guess everything when we saw it.’ I looked at Maxim in anticipation. ‘Did you think we’d keep quiet? ’ I already knew what I was going to hear next, so I braced myself. No, I didn’t think they’d keep quiet. Phillip was their friend, and they kept him out of trouble when they agreed not to tell the truth the first time. But now, in their eyes, I was even more trouble. I was a danger to life. And they had to tell their friend, to keep him safe again. ‘We told Philip everything,’ he finally said measuring me with his gaze. I showed no emotion and answered nothing. My suspicions were confirmed. ‘What did he say? ’ My throat was dry with the agitation that was squeezing my insides. Maxim glared at me briefly. ‘He said we were traitors. And you’re sick if you’d do such a thing. That’s all he said.’ He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees palms folded one into the other. His curly hair fell over his face hiding his features. We were silent for a while. ‘I still can’t believe you did it.’ He looked up at me. ‘Why? ’ He swallowed. ‘Why couldn’t you have just won? You would have humiliated him. Or maybe burn the bastard somewhere away from the academy so no one would find out? Wouldn’t that have been enough? ’ I exhaled slowly. ‘He would have got behind Phillip.’ ‘How would you know? ’ My words were taken in stride. ‘His fire is a Devourer. I didn’t need to explain to the firebender what that meant. Mages who possessed such fire were powerful and violent. They rarely controlled their element, letting it get whatever it wanted. But it would be more accurate to say that the element didn’t need permission, it compelled the bender that it was their own desire, and took it without measure. ‘But to answer your question, yes, not enough.’ Maxim looked into my eyes for a long time. ‘You really are insane,’ he muttered, and stood up. ‘We’ve told Phillip, but we’re not going to turn you over to anyone else.’ ‘Thank you.’ ‘You’re welcome. Gregory insisted on it. He was against us telling Phillip either. We agreed that we’d tell Phillip and that was it, forget the whole story. Gregory made us seal the promise by tying our tongues. The tongue tie vow helped to keep what should not be revealed, but it didn’t erase the memory or threaten death to those who made it if it was revealed. The person literally could not reveal the secret in any way. It was as if the secret was hidden in the mind as soon as the thought of sharing it with anyone occurred. And would reappear if there was no threat of disclosure. As Maxim was about to leave, I said to him, ‘I hope Phillip will forgive you.’ I said that sincerely wishing the guys good luck. The guy nodded and left, leaving me in full confidence that forgiveness was impossible for me. In choosing revenge, I’d opted the weight of responsibility over the lightness of being. I really could have treated Nikita more gently, and then I probably could have been with Phillip. For a while longer. It would have been better for me, but not for Phillip. For Phillip, I considered safety from a crazy and powerful bender for life to be the best thing. At least, that’s what I thought. The strong always choose not what is convenient and wanted, but what is right and likely to hurt. The strong put the weight on their shoulders and go with it to the end, knowing everything in advance and accepting fate. They are proud of it. There is no bitterness in such a fate, only pure joy that you had the strength to protect what is dearest in the world. I had the strength to make that sacrifice so that Phillip could live without looking back. The rest didn’t matter. That’s what strength is for and that’s what it was for. And so ends my beautiful fairy tale. I will remember every moment.