The Cellular Town Musicians

It was a wonderful day. The B Lymphocyte and his friend Memory Cell were sailing along the lymphatic flow in an old, battered tub (please don't ask why in a tub, of all things). The former was strumming his guitar and yelling songs at the top of his lungs to his heart's content, and the latter was accompanying him on a tambourine. "There's nothing better in the wo-o-orld, than to shout out songs till dawn has com-e-ed..." "B Lymphocyte, are you sure that you can say 'till dawn has comed'?" inquired Memory Cell. "Somehow I can't remember ever having heard such a verb form before." "So what?" said the other one, shrugging. "Who cares?" And continued singing his songs that he had obviously written himself: "The best life - just see for yourself, please is to kill with antibodies enemies! Is to kill with antibodies e-ne-mies! La-la-la-la-la-la... La-la-la-la-la-la... La-la..." (Here, the B Lymphocyte thought that it would be great to add something more concrete and descriptive.) "Our home's the lymph node, yeah, that's right, our cause's great, for which we're born to fight! We're immune cells, we're here by your side, Our happiness's this life we lead with pri-i-ide! Our happiness's this life we lead with pri-i-ide! La-la-la-la-la-la... La-la-la-la-la-la... La-la..." Dendritic Cell, in the meantime, was sitting at the coast and fishing. When he spotted the tub with the two friends, he waved to them. "Good morning, B cells, where are you heading to?" he asked. "To the temple in the Heart, to give a concert there," explained the B Lymphocyte, greeting him as well and mooring to the coast. "I play the guitar and sing, and Memory Cell strums his tambourine." "Oh, take me with you!" begged Dendritic Cell. "What can you do?" "I can play the flute and make great photos," answered the Dendrocyte a bit shyly. "Well, a good photo session certainly won't do our concert any harm," judged the B Lymphocyte and invited him into their tub. Having squeezed together, they continued their journey, discussing their repertoire and their creative plans. And after that, they resumed their singing, now being a group of three: "We will not forget our obligati-o-on, to protect our body, our nati-o-on. Not one single yucky, evil foe, will escape us, just that so you kn-o-ow! will escape us, just that so you kn-o-ow! La-la-la-la-la-la... La-la-la-la-la-la... La-la..." They kept singing for a long time, not even noticing that lunchtime had arrived. The three guys spotted a comfortable resting place, climbed out of their tub, and ate the sandwiches and pies they had brought with them. When the last crumb was gone, they got up, stretched and were about to continue their way, but suddenly noticed that the stream in the vessel wasn't turning into the direction they needed to go, judging by Memory Cell's map. "Do we really have to continue by foot and leave our old, battered tub behind?" he asked, clearly disappointed. "Maybe we could hide it somewhere?" suggested the Dendrocyte, looking around to search for a good place. "Hm..." pondered the B Lymphocyte, but before he could decide something, the three of them heard a temerarious song, coming from behind the trees nearby: "Thymocytes, we are the best, killing foes without a rest!" Soon, the T-Killer appeared before their eyes. He was vigorously marching, carrying a traveling bag on his shoulder. "A good day to you, T-Killer-san! Where are you going?" the Dendrocyte greeted him. "Well, the T-Helper has allowed me to go to a class reunion of the Thymus-Academy," replied the T-Killer and chuckled. "But didn't want to go himself." "I see!" "And what about you?" The T-Killer eyed the three other cells suspiciously. "We're heading to the temple in the Heart, to give a concert there," explained the B Lymphocyte. "I play the guitar and sing, Memory Cell strums his tambourine, and Dendritic Cell plays the flute and will make great photos of our concert." "It's going to be a fantastic concert and decent photos, I'm sure of it," commented the Dendrocyte with a big smile and suggested, before his companions could say something: "Say, T-Killer-san, don't you want to make a pilgrimage to the temple in the Heart together with us? That would be so nice..." "What a great idea!" the T-Killer perked up suddenly. "I still have a lot of time left. That class reunion was boring, so I left earlier." "Can you play an instrument, at least?" asked the B Lymphocyte in a skeptical tone, not really wishing to take him along. "Nope." "And neither sing, as we have heard just now," the B cell added with irony, hinting at the song he had been yelling on his way by the trees. "What? My singing is perfect!" affirmed the T-Killer peremptorily, absolutely not accepting such an evaluation of his vocal talent, and expressed his wish to participate in their concert. "Alright, then you can be our announcer," grumbled the B Lymphocyte. "There's just one problem, T-Killer-san," informed the Dendrocyte. "It looks like we have to travel by foot to the temple." "So what, that's child's play! I can walk any distance without a problem," bragged the latter. "So maybe you want to help us, too?" inquired the B Lymphocyte, in a pretended casual tone. "Sure!" agreed the T-Killer with a smug grin. "Then I have an idea." The B Lymphocyte raised his index finger, winked at the others and then started to thoughtfully examine and evaluate the T-Killer, as if he was seeing him for the very first time. Finally, he commented with some doubt: "I just don't know whether you're strong enough... "I'm the strongest, just so you know!" "Prove it." "What should I prove here?! Just tell me what to do!" The B Lymphocyte gave him a sign to wait a bit, and, being observed by his interested companions, skillfully and with the help of his engineering ability equipped the tub with wheels (that he had taken out from its bottom as if by magic) and shafts he had created out of some slightly crooked poles found nearby. Like this, he turned the tub into a land vehicle. Then he indicated to the T-Killer to harness himself to it, and the four of them continued their journey, now together and loudly singing throughout the district. The trio's high voices were carried far away by the echo: "La-la-la-la-la-la... La-la-la-la-la-la... La-la..." and accompanied by the T-Killer's bass: "E-e-e, e-e!" * * * By the evening, the cheerful four entered a forest. Well, actually not a forest, but intestinal villi that were growing there, but our adventurers noticed that only later. Suddenly, the Dendrocyte realized something and asked: "Guys, why are we in the intestines? We were traveling to the heart, weren't we?" "Oh..." replied the others and immediately assumed that Memory Cell's map was old. The latter tried to object that he had an absolutely normal, practically new map, but no one listened to him. His companions wanted to continue arguing, but it was getting dark quickly, so they were forced to forget their disagreement and start thinking about where to spend the night. In the twilight resounded someone's sad song: "Where did you lead me, you small little way, Without my cute AE I can't live a day! Nothing for a long time have heard from her I, Has she maybe been kidnapped by some bad guy?" Our four guys followed the voice and met a neutrophil, who was gloomily dragging himself forward. They asked him what the matter was. "Ah, " he said. "My belo- I mean, one familiar red blood cell has disappeared, and I'm worried sick about her." "And we," explained the B Lymphocyte. "We are going to the temple in the Heart, to give a concert in front of it. I play the guitar and sing," he bragged. "And Memory Cell strums his tambourine." As an answer, Memory Cell strummed his tambourine a bit, even though this was completely out of place. "And I play the flute and make great photos," added Dendritic Cell. "And I'm their draft animal, as you can see," grumbled the T-Killer, pouting. "And he's also greatly singing along with us like this: 'E-e-e, e-e!'," commented the B Lymphocyte, and everyone giggled. The neutrophil sighed again. "Care to come along?" offered the B Lymphocyte. "Perhaps your Miss Red Blood Cell is heading to the temple in the Heart as well." Since there weren't any better options, the neutrophil agreed, and the procession continued its way, going deeper into the forest, uhm, the growth of intestinal villi, without even noticing it. Suddenly, they spotted a light in front of them. In the very middle of the "forest" was a cabin, where bacteria were living. They were loudly feasting at that late hour, laughing and singing. "They say we're the worst of scumbags How can the body bear us, then? 'Cause we make nothing but problems, No enema'll save it, no, not even ten! Oh-la-la, oh-la-la! Eat until we burst we're gonna! Oh-la-la, oh-la-la! Eh-ha! Leukocytes will be defeated, a whole squad of white blood cells Not like saphrophytes we should be treated, and our toxin is lethal as hell! Oh-la-la, oh-la-la! Eat until we burst we're gonna! Oh-la-la, oh-la-la! Eh-ha!" "Eww, what idiot has composed these poems?" complained the B Lymphocyte. "As if yours were better," hissed the others at him, indicating him in every possible way to be quiet, to not be heard by the bacteria. "We have to chase them out!" proposed the T-Killer. "Or better: finish them off to the basophilic grandma!" "First we have to scout out the situation," clarified the Dendrocyte and carefully sneaked to the window. Soon he returned and reported: "They're not that many in there, it would be enough to give them a good scare." "A good scare?" asked the others. "Yep." Dendritic Cell giggled maliciously. "I have a fantastic plan. We'll have fun and I can make great photos if the flash works properly," he promised. The bacteria would remember the evening for the still remaining short rest of their lives. When immune cells started appearing in the window one by one and shouting "Cock-a-doodle-doo!", "Meow!", "Woof-woof!" and producing other strange sounds, they were surprised first, then choked and then began to fuss and to run to the door, colliding with each other. Being followed by flying knives, forks, sticks, stones, an antibody-load, someone's cap, a spare set of guitar strings and the bright flashlight of a camera. The immune cells were having so much fun that they decided to not chase after the bacteria, instead quickly making themselves comfortable in their home and eat their stolen food, since their stomachs were growling loudly. When they were full, they chose themselves a cozy place to spend the night and fell asleep. The B cells climbed on top of the oven, the T-Killer settled down in a corner on some straw, and Dendritic Cell and the neutrophil laid down on benches. The bacteria, in the meantime, had been waiting until the lights in their window would go out, then gathered their courage and dragged themselves back. They drew lots to determine who would go in to investigate, what and how things were going on in their house, and whether it was possible to get rid of the uninvited guests. The bacterium that drew the lot reluctantly sneaked to the house, slightly opened the door and squeezed itself through the gap. But then, it suddenly tripped over the Dendrocyte, who was lying on a bench, got slapped by the neutrophil, banged its forehead against the oven, heard the rattling of the fallen down guitar and received the tambourine on its head. Then it successfully fell into the corner, right on top of the T-Killer, who kicked it in its behind. When the terrified bacterium came rushing out screaming, its companions didn't think twice and ran off. Being followed by the scary howling of the ghosts in their house: "Die, you scum. Die-e-e!" * * * The next morning, our wandering cellular musicians finished the leftovers from the previous day's feast and decided to depart immediately. The neutrophil was hurrying the most, since he was terribly worried about his belo- sorry, his familiar Miss Erythrocyte AE3803. In reality, nothing bad had happened to her until this morning. She was just lost like always, having turned into the wrong direction ten or maybe twenty times. And while the aspiring musicians were getting ready to resume their journey, poor AE3803 was walking, barely able to move her legs from hunger and exhaustion and singing a sad song: "I'm so tired, I'm feeling shaky, Staying hungry is my fate, I'm just a red blood cell-lady a poor one, lacking organelles Can someone come tell me somehow What is happening to me? Why was I born as I am now as useless as can be?!" Suddenly some Clostridium bacteria, who were engaged in robbery, jumped directly in front of her. The let out a stinky gas and started their performance, no, their attack. "We live like parasites, that's known, but there aren't taxes we do have to pay We will steal everything you own We're Clostridia from the highway. We live in the digestive tract... eh, that's right! There is no place better... uh, in sight! With spores... We spawn... We spawn... and steal things to our delight! And here we are, to take your baggage No one will help you out today... Now, come on, cell, give here your package To us, Clostridia from the highway!" Forgetting the hunger and exhaustion and impressed by their performance, AE3803 started to run away, trying to not let go of her precious package. The Clostridia ran after her. Soon, AE was caught, and the bacteria started to rip the box out of her hands. She didn't give in, but the germs threatened to release toxins that would hemolyze her. "No, I'm too young to die!" she sobbed, desperately struggling to free herself. Out of a sudden, they heard a call, and some weird, unknown looking guys started approaching them. They vaguely resembled cells, just very filthy ones and covered in some greenish spots. "Don't touch her!" they warned. "And who're you?" asked the bacteria, annoyed that they couldn't rob in peace. "We're white blood cells! We're white blood cells, white blood cells, white blood cells! Bump! And antigens will go straight to hell, to hell!" The Clostridia didn't identify these strange creatures as immune cells, but still had a bad feeling. Without saying a word, they rushed off into all directions. Behind them, something exploded loudly, and a caustic smoke started rising. The B Lymphocyte could confirm that the antibody-bombs he had planted had worked perfectly. "The bacteria are getting away! After them!" yelled his companions. "We don't have time for that if we want to give that concert. The weekend is almost over," said the B Lymphocyte. "And besides, I opsonized them, they won't get far." "You did what, B Lymphocyte-kun?" inquired AE3803. "Uhm, how should I... well, I marinated them with antibodies to make them more delicious. The macrophages will be happy." "A-Ah... got it..." replied AE, even though she hadn't gotten anything at all, to be honest. "So anyway, they'll be finished off without us, and we have to hurry," the B Lymphocyte waved his hand at the others. "It'd be great if we had time to clean ourselves up before the concert, because this oaf T-Killer has dragged us into a swamp." The T-Killer answered that it was not his fault if a swamp was getting into his way. And then insinuated to the B Lymphocyte that the latter could just pull the tub with everyone inside it himself if he was so clever. The B Lymphocyte retorted that he would have gladly done that if he could. And wouldn't have gotten into any swamp, since he wasn't blind. They continued arguing for a bit, while the cellular passengers were getting into their all-terrain tub. The neutrophil approached AE and exhaled with visible relief: "Red-chan, I'm so happy that you're alright." "And I'm happy to see you, Leukocyte-kun." "Hey, you sweet couple," the B Lymphocyte called out to them. "Are you coming with us?" "Where are you heading to?" asked AE. "To the temple in the Heart." "Oh, I have to go there too," she remembered. "Get in, then." The neutrophil and the B cells helped AE to climb into the tub together with her package. So now the T-Killer's load got considerably heavier. He said: "Are you messing with me?!" "What, too heavy for you?" inquired the B Lymphocyte. "Not at all!" spat the T-Killer, harnessed himself into the tub again, took a run-up from a hill and rushed off. Soon, the already painfully familiar "La-la-la-la-la-la... La-la-la-la-la-la... La-la..." and "E-e-e, e-e!" started to resound through the whole district. * * * The T-Helper, who was still unsure, if he should maybe have gone to the class reunion together with the T-Killer after all, finally noticed the latter's absence. Actually, he should already have returned the previous evening. So either something must have happened to him, or that idiot was lazying around somewhere. Immersed in thoughts, the T-Helper looked out of the window, at the ground where the older T cells were working out with the naives. They were marching after the exhausting training and singing: "Precise is our working mechanism." "Our mechanism." "Our mechanism." "Our mechanism." "Without T cells can't live the organism. When we march, all viruses start to shake and enemies fall dead with no mistake." "Again, cracks the membrane!" squeaked one of the naives, who was dragging himself forward behind everyone else, and tried to catch up to the others before getting slapped by the older ones. "If an antigen is near, the cannon gets prepared, No prisoners are taken here. Foes will not get spared! "Our patrol starts early in the day - this is well-known." "This is well-known." "This is well-known." "This is well-known." "We're prepared an immune answer to show! The cancer won't get through anywhere, when we, the T cells, are coming marching there." "Again, cracks the membrane!" The T-Helper kept standing there for a while, thoughtfully watching the fighters that were preparing themselves, and thought that it wouldn't be bad for him to get active as well. The search for the lost T-Killer would be a suitable excuse to leave the boring office. "I go out to look for our lost Squad Leader," he said to his assistant, the Regulatory T Cell. "Do you want to come along?" "And where could he be in your opinion?" she asked. "I don't know, maybe we should walk through our T cellular zone and then head to the temple in the Heart," he suggested. "Why there of all places? Do you have an assumption that we find him there, or is it to pray for his safe return?" Her face didn't really reveal whether she was serious or just joking. "Well..." The T-Helper scratched the back of his head. "This is what my intuition is telling me." The Regulatory T Cell just nodded in silence, and they departed on the route the T-Helper's intuition was indicating to them. * * * In the meantime, our cellular musicians and their travel companions were hurrying to their planned destiny. They managed to get to the temple just in time to give a concert. Armed with their instruments, they got into the center of the square before the temple in their tub, from which colorful lights began to shine thanks to the B Lymphocyte's engineering skills, and started to perform a song together with the neutrophil, AE3803 and the T-Killer. Then they jumped out of their vehicle and also began to dance. Soon, they were surrounded by an audience, mostly red blood cells, who also joined the fun. Everyone was happily singing at the top of their voices: "We travelled through the organism to give you an example and are now showing our artistism, by singing at the temple! For just an hour we've come to you. Privet! Bonjour! Hello! Even though we have so much to do, you are some lucky folks! And now, all together, take out your receptors. Don't be such kill-joys, hey! Start moving your membranes! On this week-end, we were hurrying to be with you today, a lot of evil germs were defeated on our way..." "I pulled them like a mule,  with all my strength and might!..." "So this is what you, fool,  have been doing, am I right?!" The T-Helper came out of the crowd, followed by the Regulatory T Cell. "A good opening act to cause, the best we always have been..." sang the cellular musicians, stepping around them. "Come and dance with us, boss, or we'll chase you off the scene!" hissed the B Lymphocyte, Memory Cell and the T-Killer at the T-Helper, who was disturbing their performance. The latter exchanged gazes with his assistant and then the two of them started to dance with the others without saying a word. "For just an hour we've come to you. Privet! Bonjour! Hello! Even though we have so much to do, you are some lucky folks! And now, all together, take out your receptors. Don't be such kill-joys, hey! Start moving your membranes!" The cellular festivities reached their climax. Everyone was having fun, singing and dancing to such an extent that the blood pressure rose in the body. After that, they had a photo session, making a bunch of great photos thanks to Dendritic Cell's effort, and gave an encore: "A work like ours is really hard, So wish us all success today! We're in the body here on guard, it can't be any other way!" And with that cheerful note, our story comes to its end.