Three Men in a Boat. To Say Nothing of the T-Killer

A meeting with macrophages. — The best lunch in the world in the company of charming ladies. — Doing the dishes and others forms of entertainment. — The ladies suddenly leave after the comic songs start. — The following plans for the trip. After just a bit of time, our adventurers definitely felt much better. Their lethargy was replaced by liveliness, appetite and a wonderful mood. They took deep breaths, enjoyed life that obviously was getting better, and took turns exclaiming "Oh, what fresh air!", "The sun!" and "Our male-only trip!". And so on, until the enthusiastic cells perceived some pleasant noises from afar. Maybe that was the singing of river sirens. But where would they come from? "In a boat without a care, we are very well prepared. Not an antigen to see, and if there's one running free Even during our break, We will turn it into steak! We will turn it into steak!" Not sure whether they were dreaming or not, the guys started looking into the distance. Soon, a slim boat appeared from behind a hill, with three beautiful macrophage ladies in white lace dresses. Getting closer and catching up with the boat of our heroes, they continued singing their song while playfully peeking towards the four cell gentlemen: "A nice day in the organism, not a time for pessimism, Not a reason to be sad. But with boys it's much more fun! So, then don't be shy, come on! Join us, guys, you will be fed, Join us guys, you will be fed!" "Did you hear that? That want to feed us! Free food!" rejoiced the B Lymphocyte. "Macrophages are excellent cooks," added Memory Cell. "I wouldn't say no to a good lunch," agreed the T-Killer. "Especially after yesterday's stew." "Oh, come on," Dendritic Cell tried to argue them out of that idea. "Let's better continue with our male-only trip, okay?" "But I don't have anything against female company," said Memory Cell, shrugging. "They'll probably feed us really well," hoped the T-Killer. "And appreciate my songs!" commented the B Lymphocyte with a smile. And thus, Dendritic Cell didn't have a choice and gave up with a sigh, saying: "Oh, what to do with you three". Meanwhile, the ladies kept making eyes at them and singing: "After all the stress at work and the cleaning afterwards, don't forget, my dear, to eat. Oh, vacations are so great! And the body is now safe. You have our word on it. You have our word on it!" After having finished these lines, they started rowing harder and rushed towards the coast, indicating the guys to follow them. "Wow, what speed!" said the surprised B Lymphocyte, panting from his effort. "Not that I really wanted to," grumbled Dendritic Cell under his breath. "That's because you three are wimps and slackers!" affirmed the T-Killer in an authoritarian tone and instantly started ordering them around: "And now with all your strength! One! Two! One! Two!" "Then better row yourself, will you!" snapped the B cells back. "Shut yer trap!" growled the T-Killer and slapped them both on the back of their heads. Dendritic Cell was once again sitting there, admiring him, to the point that he accidentally turned the rudder into the wrong direction, making them almost rush by the wonderful picturesque place, where the macrophages had decided to have their picnic. After having moored at a small distance from the ladies' boat, the four guys set their feet on the solid ground and stayed there for a while. It wouldn't be a bad idea, so to say, to clarify their intents and objectives of spending time with the beautiful ladies first. Since there were only three macrophages, one of the guys would be left out. While the others were arguing and exchanging looks, Dendritic Cell just shrugged and repeated his "Not that I really wanted to", already starting to feel jealous at the thought of his beloved Squad Leader being with one of these women. In the meantime, the macrophages had picked a comfortable place and were already setting their picnic blanket and everything else. And when the gentlemen finally arrived, it got even more fun. The four of them were loaded up with endless baskets, cooking pots, plates... Too much to even mention it all! Slightly staggering from side to side, they carried all of this out of macrophages' boat without any complaint. After all, no one had ever said that this lunch would be completely for free. The foresighted ladies had already prepared a lot of the dishes in advance, but also quickly whipped up some hot ones in addiction to their cold appetizers. The guys could only watch in awe and with envy, with what speed the macrophages started a fire, set a cauldron over it and cooked a delicious soup, that got ready while their guests were trying a lot of other different dishes. It was the best food the four had eaten during their entire trip. And to top it off, the macrophages also solemnly promised to prepare a juicy shashlik on the leftover coals. With a mischievous smile, they pointed at a giant bowl with marinated meat. Memory Cell just let out a sad sigh and said that he was already completely full. The others nodded in agreement. "How could that be?" asked the macrophages. "We haven't even arrived to the dessert yet: we still have pies, cakes, pudding, donuts, éclairs, cake rolls, cookies, and jam... everything homemade!" "Alright, maybe I'll leave some room for pie," said Dendritic Cell and looked at his friends, who didn't look that well after hearing that overly sweet enumeration. The macrophages exchanged glances and then took out a large bottle from one of the baskets. They explained that it was an extraction to improve one's appetite and poured everyone a little glass. While waiting for its effect, they decided to slow down the eating and started a casual conversation. They mainly talked about their vacation, the nice weather and how fun it was sailing along the river. Then they discussed the recent antigen presentation and praised Dendritic Cell for his photos. He was so flattered by that, he even stopped being sulky with the macrophages and forgot his jealousy. While the ladies were asking him to take some pictures of them, the B Lymphocyte was trying to mention his own contribution and boasted about his skills, but no one paid any attention to him. "By the way, I'm the only one able to recognize antigen molecules in its native form, through biochemical signaling," he bragged, but seeing that no one was listening, quickly started to pout and grumbled: "Alright, then forget it!" Meanwhile, the macrophages changed the topic and started talking about fashion. They commented that Dendritic Cell looked really stylish, making him blush violently. Then they turned to the B Lymphocyte and Memory Cell. The B Lymphocyte replied that he had been too lazy to change clothes before the trip, so he just departed in his work clothes. Memory Cell thought about it first and then said that he was so used to his suit that he hadn't even thought about wearing something else on his vacation. And the T-Killer added that he hadn't planned to join them in the first place and didn't bring anything with him. After that, the ladies started cooking again and returned to their conversation about the gentlemen's trip, asking them if they planned to head to the inferior vena cava and pass the water lock there. Dendritic Cell admitted that they had strayed off their planned course and that all the way they had mastered, was pure improvisation. The macrophages commented that if they did decide to go there after all, they should better be careful, as a lot of odd things happened at that place. For example, a sports boat with T Lymphocytes had been recently toppled over after having crashed with a steamboat, or the not less peculiar incident, when because of a sudden alert notification, the water lock hadn't been closed on time and thus, a lot of red blood cells had been washed away. The guys assured them they would be as careful as possible and started to think whether they really had to go there at all cost. But they didn't manage to finish that thought, since the shashlik got ready, followed by an enormous dessert. But thanks to the marvelous extraction their appetite had returned, and they started eating again with fresh forces. Helping themselves to the excellent food, they told the macrophages that they had recently prepared a stunning dish as well, in which could be added absolutely anything. The ladies were immediately interested and asked for the recipe. After hearing it, they were quite surprised and agreed never having prepared anything like that in their lives, and even wanted to try it out themselves. Memory Cell tried to add that the recipe needed to be fixed a little, but his friends slammed their elbows into his sides, and he decided that the macrophages would probably manage it better by themselves, so it was pretty unlikely that they would have to go through the same ordeal as them. During their conversation, the dessert with heavenly aromatic tea and liqueurs reached its end, without them even noticing it. The ladies contently stretched after the filling lunch and announced: "And now, boys, it's time to wash the dishes!" What was a real picnic without a fun dish washing in the river? The guests couldn't disagree that this would be an interesting and useful activity in every way. But somehow it resulted that the macrophages didn't go to do the dishes themselves, instead dragging Dendritic Cell away to have their photos taken, and the T-Killer was asked not to bother, after he had almost broken half of the plates while trying to wash them. So the two B cells were left alone with the entire work. They patiently cleaned the endless plates, pots, and other things coming not only from the lunch but that the macrophages had also collected in their boat, and thought about definitely forcing Dendritic Cell and the T-Killer to slave away next time instead. Somehow, the guys just couldn't manage to get to know the beautiful ladies any further, but that was probably for the best. When the dishes and everything else was clean, the cells started enjoying themselves playing badminton, taking photos again and drinking tea. But then, the happy B Lymphocyte took out his guitar and started playing his comic songs. Suddenly, the ladies hurriedly started packing, saying that they still had a long way ahead of them and had to go, though they really, really would have loved to hear him sing and continued their conversations. As a farewell-gift, they gave the guys an entire basket with various delicacies, jumped into their slim boat and left, becoming a little dot on the horizon within just a few minutes. * * * After having said goodbye to the macrophages and stepped away from the water's edge, our four heroes remembered that they still needed to decide where to go next. The main question stayed the same: did they really need to sail to that water lock that badly? "What alternatives do we have?" wanted to know the B Lymphocyte. Memory Cell remembered that they had a map and started looking for it. Even though it was old and worn out, it still perfectly showed the complicated system of blood and lymphatic vessels, and much more, including a layer-by-layer scheme of the different zones on the back side. After having studied it and found the direction they needed, the adventurers realized that from now on they had to move nothing but forward and that they had three other alternatives besides the water lock: the jugular, the subclavian and the bronchomediastinal lymph trunk, which each represented a really extreme adventure that could end with the destruction of their boat. One had a sharp turn upward, the second to the left and the third one downward. "I've already been there," said the T-Killer, pointing at the first one. "That one's not suited for the boat." "And I wouldn't choose the left one," added Dendritic Cell with a sigh. "And the third one even less," commented the B Lymphocyte. "Yes, I remember how we nearly broke our necks in there," agreed Memory Cell. "Alright, so the lock it is then," was their mutual conclusion. It was not as though they absolutely wanted to go to that vena cava, where they would be pushing through a crowd of red blood cells, but in the worst case they at least had the possibility to turn to smaller vessels, leave their boat there and continue their adventure by foot. Although they would have preferred to keep sailing with the wind, instead of using their own legs and also carrying all their baggage by themselves. "And after passing the lock we could head to the temple in the heart or ride through the upper extremities," proposed Dendritic Cell. "Oh, the second one sounds interesting," commented the B Lymphocyte. "I heard that competitions are often held there." "I don't think our boat's suited even for an amateur regatta," objected the Dendrocyte, critically examining their anything but new little vehicle, clearly not made for sporting activities. "Better tell me one thing," intervened the T-Killer and stared directly at Dendritic Cell. "How long are we actually going to be on that vacation?" "I asked the T-Helper to let us go for a week or two," stammered the latter. "And more exactly?" "We promised to be back before the flu season begins." "That's the most exact you can get?" "W-Well..." "Oh, speaking of that, how did you manage to convince the T-Helper to let us leave?" decided the B Lymphocyte to ask suddenly. "With different arguments, out of which the main one was the promise to not show around a few certain photos," answered Dendritic Cell with a sly grin. "But of course..." "So what's our decision regarding the water lock?" inquired Memory Cell. "We still have time to think about it, and it's a long, long way until we reach it," said the Dendrocyte shrugging. "We'll come up with something, don't worry. Our whole vacation's still ahead of us, after all." "If that's the case, then we could go for a ride through the systemic circulation or stop by the eating competition," offered Memory Cell. "The one held by the fat cells?" exclaimed the B Lymphocyte. "You're crazy, that's suicide!" They continued discussing the eating contest and other interesting details for a while, and in the end were more than ever convinced by themselves and by each other that they really, absolutely had no other choice than to sail to that lock. "To be honest, locks can pleasantly break a boat trip's monotony," remarked Dendritic Cell. "Only if we don't bump into some idiots on our way," added the others. "We'll be very careful!" announced Dendritic Cell happily and started bombarding the B cells with questions about that one time they had nearly broken their necks. While the two of them were reluctantly telling their story, the Dendrocyte oohing and aahing over their words and the T-Killer muttering what dumbasses they were, they kept inevitably approaching the most difficult part of the river.