The universe above me

White blood Cell I-1703 walked, frowning and alone like always, through the left superior vena cava. He just came from an exhausting fight against bacteria and was now covered with their cytosol from head to toe. Putting his dirty sword back on his belt while walking, he wiped off the last remains of the germs he phagocytized from his mouth with his other hand. All cells that crossed his path, evaded and kept a considerable distance from him. Certainly, his current appearance had something to do with it, but even in other times they didn't behave differently, because most non-immune cells feared neutrophils like him who were considered cruel and merciless killers dressed in white. But in his case, even most of his fellow immune cells preferred to give him a wide berth and to avoid interacting with him. With the leucocyte who always had a stony expression on his face and never smiled. I-1703 didn't even remember himself when he had smiled for the last time, and had no clue if he was still able to do it in the first place. Probably not. Not after that incident. The incident that had proved irrevocably what a failure he was. A failure who didn't deserve to smile and to find himself a place in the universe above him. Whose fate was to spend all of his life in solitude, until the bitter end. The leucocyte looked at the sky and frowned even more, pressing his arm soaked in red fluid to his eyes to hold back the tears that wanted to flow out at the memory of that one fatal day. Of that disastrous day, on which he had sealed his heart with a giant padlock and thrown away the key. The pain tormented him, never leaving his side. Like an enormous rock tied to his leg with an iron chain that he had to drag with him wherever he went, day and night. Back then, it had actually been just a normal fight against bacteria, as normal as the one today was. But then it turned out that the enemy was way stronger than they thought, and the neutrophils who fought on that day, almost got to the limits of their powers. Though they did win at the end, casualties in their own ranks couldn't be avoided. And one of them was the one he called a brother during all his life. I-0317. A neutrophil he'd grown up together with and who resembled him like a twin: the same face, the same physical build, a similar name and even the same unruly curl that stuck out of his hair, just to the side and not upwards like his own did. They had been inseparable since birth and although the other one often really got on his nerves with his constant cheerfulness, I-1703 couldn't deny that he loved that childish and silly, but at the same time very strong idiot with all his heart. As children playmates and as adults companions in arms. Two cells who shared together good and bad times and understood each other even without words. Like real brothers, like twins. But it seemed that destiny had other plans. "I wasn't able to protect him..." Before his very eyes, his brother was perforated and killed by one of the bacteria. Everything happened so fast that he couldn't react nor even move. The monster's sting pierced through his chest and came out of his back. Staring at the wound in disbelief, I-0317 vomited blood and collapsed, meeting his end. His little brother was no more. And I-1703 himself felt as if someone had ripped his mitochondria out of his body. From that day on, the neutrophil, who never had been that sociable to begin with, had definitely turned away from everyone and condemned himself to eternal loneliness. Promising himself to keep on helping others and doing his best at work, but to not get attached to another cell, never again. Because he wouldn't be able to cope with something like this for a second time. The feeling of guilt always followed him whatever move he made, whether he was patrolling the blood vessels, fighting germs or trying to rest for a moment. Of course, he knew perfectly that immune cells were almost fated to meet their end on the battlefield, but why had it to happen to his brother of all cells? And what's more, directly before his eyes? After all, it was his duty to protect other cells and also to look out for his white blood cell coworkers. And concerning this, he had failed. Miserably failed. He cleaned himself up at a neutrophil cleaning station and returned into the blood vessel to grab a cup of tea. His walkie-talkie remained silent, so that meant that for the moment, everything was alright in this body. Still lost in thought, he wanted to turn around a corner, but suddenly bumped into another cell in the process. A red blood cell with brown hair and green eyes. The other one got up and, with a smile on his face, offered him his hand. But the leucocyte just snorted, stood up and walked off, cursing under his breath, leaving the baffled erythrocyte behind. Time passed, and somehow he just couldn't manage to stop thinking about that red blood cell. Something about that guy's smile had seemed so... artificial, like it was merely painted on his face. And as luck would have it, shortly after, they met again. And again. And again. It seemed like fate still wasn't tired of playing around with him, because with so many cells living in this body, it was actually nearly impossible that two particular ones saw each other again and that often as well. Eventually, the red blood cell couldn't take it anymore and addressed him for the first time. I-1703 already wanted to intimidate him with his behavior and send him packing into the spleen, however, to his utter surprise, the other one didn't let himself be scared away, no matter how much the other one insulted him and tried to get rid of him. This made the white blood cell a bit curious and in the end, he gave in. The two of them began to spend more and more time together and the longer they knew each other, the further solidified the leucocyte's assumption that this idiot's never-leaving smile was, in fact, false, as if he hid a completely different character behind it. And now, the neutrophil finally understood why he had that impression. It was the look in his eyes. It was the same that he himself constantly presented on his own face. A look full of emptiness, exhaustion and a deep loneliness. So ridiculous! To deliberately construct a smile just to pretend to oneself and the others to be absolutely fine and happy. What for? It didn't serve anything, in fact only increasing all the pain, nothing more! Just how dumb was this guy? But exactly that look... also proved that that erythrocyte named ES1202 seemed to carry a huge weight on his shoulders as well. A look revealing that he felt as if he didn't really belong into this world. Lonely in the middle of a crowd. And that was the reason why, little by little, I-1703 began to sense a certain relatedness to him, a feeling that grew stronger with each day. It was too late. He wouldn't be able to forget this red blood cell anymore. ES, too, seemed to have noticed that despite all their differences, they still had something in common. In fact, every time they met, the leucocyte could discover something new in his eyes. Was it admiration, affection, respect? He couldn't really classify it and the erythrocyte himself probably neither. And then came eventually the day when the other grew to trust him enough to gather all his courage and finally tell him, what tormented him so much. During a peaceful evening, sitting on the floor in an empty capillary. I-1703 listened in silence and with wide open eyes. The search for a deeper meaning of life? So that was it? He could clearly see how difficult it was for ES to put all of this into words. The neutrophil felt weird. As if he could perfectly understand him, but at the same time not at all. Although he didn't really get why the other one was that eager to find a deeper meaning, if he actually had a very clear and vital task assigned to him directly since birth, but he could feel just how much the erythrocyte suffered from these thoughts. And how much thoughts could hurt, he himself knew only too well. Unconsciously, he raised one of his hands and placed it gently on that of the red blood cell. The other look at him astonished and with a slight blush, and only then did the leucocyte understand, what he just did. He immediately withdrew his hand as if he burned himself, and ran away as fast as he could, with a face as red as ES' clothes, leaving the capillary. Oh, no! Please, no! Please not again! His heart was sealed forever, that's what he swore to himself! He heard the erythrocyte running after him calling his name, and quickly entered a migration vent for neutrophils. *** A few days passed. Life went on and now fate seemed to have mercy with him, after all, because he didn't see that red blood cell again. That wasn't easy, but he couldn't complain. "I don't deserve to be happy, and he doesn't deserve to have a failure like me by his side. It's for the best, for both of us." Suddenly, his walkie-talkie lit up and called him to an attack of streptococci. Work was waiting for him, so he couldn't permit himself any longer to deal with personal issues. Despite all the pain he still had the duty to protect this body and the cells living in it. That was something he wasn't allowed to forget. He migrated to the indicated place as fast as he could. After arriving there, he noted that his companions got their hands full with the battle, but already had annihilated most of the bacteria. He wanted to join them, but suddenly, a voice reached his ears. A well-known voice... "Help!" Pressing his back to a house's wall, an erythrocyte was sitting on the floor, trembling and staring with wide eyes at a giant streptococcus who was approaching him with an evil grin, clearly wanting to hemolyze him and steal the nutrients he was carrying. It was him, ES1202! Without thinking twice, I-1703 unsheathed his sword and attacked the bacterium with a skilled jump. He wielded his blade in a murderous frenzy, as if he not only wanted to kill the germ, but to slice it into little pieces for having the audacity to choose this one red blood cell as their victim. "I won't let you die, you idiot! Not you!" Dark red cytosol splattered everywhere and dirtied the neutrophil's snow-white clothes, while the germ was producing sounds that rang painfully in the ears. And then it was over. Panting and dripping with red cellular fluid from head to toe, the leucocyte pointed his sword down and turned around. "Hey, are you alri-" He noticed with horror that the erythrocyte was now leaning limply against the wall. He was unconscious and his face almost as pale as his own, while his hemoglobin was flowing out of a wound on his chest. So that cursed thing had injured him after all! Did that mean that he arrived too late? That just couldn't be true! I-1703 hadn't sensed such fear since his brother's death. So would he lose someone important to him again, today? No! The end hasn't come yet! Having woken up from his numbness, he ran to the red blood cell, heaved him with determination, but also as gently as he could, into his arms and dashed off. The other one wasn't dead yet! There was still hope! *** Several days had passed since his arrival at the emergency station, completely drenched in blood and carrying the erythrocyte in his arms. ES1202 was still alive, but didn't wake up. I-1703 had spent every free minute next to his bed, never taking his eyes off him, determined to watch over him, come what may. He didn't understand himself anymore. Why was he doing all of this? Just why was he going that far? And the most important question: when had this erythrocyte actually managed to find the right key and to free his heart from his self-imposed lock? Because that's exactly what he had done, beyond all doubt. Only now, while looking at the other one's peaceful expression, did the leucocyte fully realize, just how significant that cell had become to him. He wanted to protect him, even more than the rest of the cells. To protect him and never let him go. That red blood cell was to only one who understood his suffering, while he himself was the only one understanding the red blood cell's suffering. And as he was sitting there in complete silence, it slowly began to dawn on him, what exactly he felt for the other one. A thought that made him blush. Love. It was love. He loved him with every fiber of his being and couldn't imagine a life without him anymore. "Wake up already, you idiot. Please wake up." He carefully took the unconscious cell's hand. But no reaction, this time as well. But despite this, the white blood cell didn't let go. The night phase had begun a few hours ago and his working shift ended. So he would spend the night by his side again. *** A couple of hours later, he came to again. As it seemed, he had dozed off earlier. And suddenly, he was wide awake. The erythrocyte's hand that he was still holding! His fingers... moved! With a quiet groan, ES slowly opened his eyes and looked at him slightly disoriented. The neutrophil was so taken aback at first that he couldn't utter a word, but then he felt a wave of relief taking over him and right after it something wet on his cheeks. Was he really crying? After all this time? "You're awake..." The erythrocyte curved his lips into a weak smile. Tears were flowing from his eyes as well. "I'm so glad... you're here. I was scared... to never see you again..." Hearing these words, I-1703 froze again, but then stood up so abruptly that his chair fell over. "You goddamn bastard! Don't you ever do this to me again! Never again, do you hear me?! Because if you do, I will phagocytize you, I swear!" After that, he just stood there, panting and with clenched fists. The erythrocyte was startled first, but then smiled at him again. A real, sincere smile. "I promise." The neutrophil covered his face that was wet from all the tears, with his hands. The feeling of happiness flowing through him at the moment couldn't be described with words. The other one was safe! He had successfully managed to protect him! Maybe he wasn't a complete failure after all. Maybe he was allowed to cry with happiness. And maybe he did find his place in this universe. This time he took the red blood cell by both of his hands and looked into his eyes, finding the exact same happiness in them. *** A few days later, ES has finally recovered enough to be discharged and to go back to work. Now he was walking, transporting oxygen on his cart, together with the leucocyte who was on patrol, through the red bone marrow, to deliver a package there. They were surrounded by the noise of playing children: little erythroblasts running after a ball and myelocytes who were chasing after each other holding their toy swords. One of the young white blood cells stopped with a laughter and turned around to look for his friends who were slower than him. A small boy with unusually dark hair and a curl sticking out from the side of his head.